Forgiveness

I just wanted you to know
Nothing scares me anymore
When I wake up
And I see your face in the mirror
Or your hands as my hands
When I sit like you
Or laugh like you
I carry pieces of you with me
But I forgive you

I don’t know what the pain is
We were supposed to be afraid
We were supposed to never change
Your voice haunts me
Telling me to walk away from love
From opportunity
From happiness
From life
Telling me to be afraid
That we have to live this way
But here we are
Living

I forgive you
For taking my childhood
For pushing us
For making us live on potatoes for two years
And buying a car instead
I forgive you for using religion as a tool
To control us and manipulate
I forgive you for raping my mother
For lying
And for hiding inside yourself
I forgive you for never communicating
I forgive you ….
Even though I never really got to know you .
Even though I needed you
Even though for whatever reason It still keeps me up at night .
I forgive you .
And I will never be like you .
Hey dad ,
I’m not like you .
I don’t apologize for this .
This is ok .
I don’t believe that we have to chase god ….
And I’m not afraid to ask questions …
They’re the answers we might need.
And I don’t care what other people believe … So long as I get to know them ….
I fell in love dad .
And I don’t need your opinion on that .
Or your advice , cause it would suck .
I figured out that I have my own mind .
My own heart .
And it is the strongest voice I hear .
I forgive you .

I forgive you
when I zone out
Like you ….
And just stare for 29 minutes ….
It’s like I’m seeing things for the first time .
And it tells a story .
It’s my story .

Hey dad .
I’m going to Africa ….
And many other places .
And you were wrong .
I need the world
And we can’t spend our lives in fear .
But I forgive you .
I forgive you .
You did the best you could .

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