Perspective (what I learned from suicide)

Wingstop
Probably my favorite place for FRIES
And rolls
Their wings are ok too
It was hot
dead center in the middle of summer.
I was planning on going to a movie when I got the text from my sister,
A text that would stop everything
My cousin, maybe a year or two older than me,engaged to be married
A daughter on the way
committed suicide

I want to talk about this clearly
Point blank
Because I’ve been on the brink
And I have struggled with depression

I do not pretend to have the answers
But I can tell you this
I lost two people last year
My best friend
And my cousin
The year before that
I lost my dad

Life is nothing,nothing like we think it will be.

20140321-132709.jpg
But you have to keep living
Not in a depressed manner either
But with the understanding
That ANYTHING is possible
It opened my eyes
Now every time I see an auburn football fan I say
” War Eagle” just for Russ.
Because I always drove him up the wall about being a fan.

20140321-133110.jpg

I still struggle with depression
It’s a dark cloud
But
I choose to fight
Because
I believe in hope
And the light
I believe it’s worth it
It’s not me

 

 The thing is
If you’re struggling with change
If you’re struggling
You’re not alone
If you feel like you are not where you saw yourself being
You’re not alone
If you feel like you’ve been cheated
You’re not alone
You’re not alone
You are not defined
By your GPA
You are not defined by your job
You are not defined by who loves you
You are not defined by how much money you have
You are not defined by how much of your bucket list you’ve checked off

The important thing is
That you are happy
In your own skin
That you touch someone
That you leave them with good energy
Putting them at ease
That you are the best youthat you can be

I recently realised this
And I really had to struggle with it
But I remember how my mom’s home makes people feel at Christmas
Anyone can touch anything
Anyone can decorate the tree
Bake in the kitchen
Eat the cookie dough
(Burn the cookies)
They feel like they grew up with us
And they are usually more relaxed
Than in their own home

That’s good energy
And mom always gives advice to anyone
Leading off with
” you know what your problem is”
And boom
There ya go
( a southern lady setting you straight)
But I also figured out
I am a writer
I have to write
Everything I come in contact with touches my very soul
And I have to write it out
So I stopped defining myself by my day job and changed my perspective
This is who I am
It’s what I love
I could live anywhere in the world and do this
I remember sitting at work one night and a college kid asked me what I wanted to do
And I looked at him and said
” man, I should be jumping in oceans and documenting riots in Egypt”
He started laughing because he just didn’t get it
” Ethan’s life goal is jumping in oceans”

It’s fine
Don’t expect people to get excited about what you do
It doesn’t matter
All that matters is that you love it
When you get excited
The people you need
Will be attracted to you
That’s when connections are made
So drop your fear
And take a chance

One day I will move
Maybe not this day
But one day
I will have tea with my friends in the UK
One day I will write about drilling wells in Africa
Dreams are good
One day I will write a screen play
Dreams keep you moving forward
But Be flexible to change
It’s how you accept it that matters

I refuse to live in fear
I refuse to feel like less of a person
I refuse to give up
This is my life
And this is mine

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