The stories we tell

I’ve worked in the same business
Since I was a teenager,
now that I’ve been here
A whole bunch of minutes.
I thought why not share some stories,
Because much of it is repeated
Year after year.
Hitting midlife crisis
I relive proms pregnancies
Over and over and over
And attempt to be as excited
as they are
This will be a three part post.
The names have been changed for
Creative purposes.

running up to me screaming “hey did you hear about 80s girl?!
On graduation night…she drank seven!!…”
Me: Oh god
She drank seven?
What are you hung up about
Trying to dig up the deep haunted troubled past of an American teenager?
You want to better understand her?
You want to talk about you and your graduation??

Sid: no!!
Me:then let it go

Walks in while I’m eating
“Gahh! I’m STARVING can I go home?”

“You can have half my sammich”

“Ew gross”

“Then you’re not STARRRVING,Flower”

“No, I am i just don’t eat sandwiches ”

“What do you eat?”

“Taco Bell.”

There’s an adorably short
English Degree
working with us who I knew a long long long,
time ago.
so long ago, in fact
I was 14 years old

And I was asking her about things one can do with a degree,in English …
And SHE said with her deadpan Eyes over her shoulder
“I dunno
I think before you invest a lot of wasted money you should
Really research a little more.”
So I did
And the next day
I said
” hey!
I was on Pinterest
(Where all great stories begin)
And I found a thing,
About 100 jobs or careers you can get with an English degree!”
And she said with her deadpan stare
“Was one of them cashier? Because then we’re both screwed”
And I said
“Well I actually didn’t read any further yet….”
And she just looked at me…

“Well here’s your job,
Go home,
read it!,
Remember all 100
and tell me
cause that’s when I work again.”

And I was like
“WhoAaa lady
Wait a minute
This feels a lot like HOMEWORK
I don’t DO homework
Maybe you should be a teacher ”

And I mean that too
I don’t do homework i suck at it
And the kids know it too
English Teacher’s love me
Because I write
And we always discuss their reading lists at the beginning of the year
One day one yells over at me
Regarding a post I did on suicide
“Hey I just read your blog today you are a great writer
You have talent and I love your blog
You’re going places”

And J (another college kid)
comes walking over to me
Mouth open
“A great writer!! Blog!! Does she even KNOW the same person we do?? You can’t even write a paper for school!!.
You’re like a Weasley
If I hand you a paper and tell you to write you couldn’t do it ”

One time Katniss
Left to get food
And she swears that she asked me if I wanted anything
I don’t recall that happening
So I call her
And I ask her what the heck she is doing
And she’s like “I’m getting food”
And I say “well thanks so much for getting me food”
(Don’t use sarcasm on Katniss)
She unloads on me
“I asked you if you wanted food and you said no! You said no! Do you want me to come back?? I can come back…I’m coming back.ok?”
She walks in,totally mad
I mean, if looks could go down
In the place of a historical event
The valentines day massacre would be this one
She walks in eyes blazing
And I’m waiting
Cause me and the guys have discussed a thing since we last spoke
Katniss : ok what do you want?
Me: nah it’s fine I’m not hungry

(Valentines Day massacre begins…
Piled high against the wall
So much blood…)
Katniss:ohhhhnn nooooo
No no dear
You are eating !
What are you having?
Give me that debit card…
I did not
drive back up here
to have …
no …
you’re having steak, mashed potatoes …
that’s what you’re having.”

It isn’t always like this though
She hates fronting shelves
So when I ask her to
(Because she does it so well)
She starts singing her rendition of “do you want to hide a body?”
From frozen
Or if I’m ignoring her
Because apparently
When I start talking about food
Or quoting movies
It’s because I’m not listening
She’ll stop
And stare
And then start singing “say something”

One time
80s girl, skips over to me…
I stop counting money

“So I’m at Taco Bell last night ”
(That strategically placed land all The best kissing stories take place at)
“And Sid kissed me!!!!
Like a fish
It was gross like too much tongue
And fast
I thought my face was going to melt”

Our Sid ?!!”

Katniss: don’t call him our Sid
We don’t know who’s Or what he is

80s girl: no another Sid i met

Me: well dear ATLEAST he didn’t kiss you and then say “I think I’m gay…”

80s girl:What!!! That would be terrible !!

Me: it can always be worse
Remember that .

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