The one about driving

I’m a terrible driver
You should know this
I mean
Really really know
I’m a terrible driver

I think I’m a great driver
But
That’s because I’m a guy
I can’t just walk around
Feeling bad about it
That’s just stupid

I’m directionally challenged
If it’s night time
I can’t find anything
At all
Most of my dates just drive
At night
But that’s better
Than me driving around in
A circle trying to find the
Interstate

My sister lives in
Birmingham
The same place
For almost
A Decade
Let this sink in ….

I usually use a gps
But this trip I was like
“Use this navigator ?
Nah i know what I’m doing
I’ve only gotten lost
Every single time”

My thing with this trip
Is missing the exit
I always think it says something else
Like
“University blvd”
It says
“Exit 2a”
I drive right passed it
The roads were cleaner this time
I don’t know what I was thinking
I ended up half way to
Montgomery or Tuscaloosa
I don’t know
I’m a very lazy person
So I get out my navigator
And find my way back
Completely let down

I mean
If this were
An apocalypse
And death were everywhere?
I’d be dead
Throw me in a city
And I’d be dead
“Yeah you just turn here
Then again here
Wait we were just at this place
Maybe we go here
Dammit to hell
We’re out of gas”

I don’t see myself being very awesome
It’s very disappointing
Like a serious character flaw
I’d be that guy
The guy who is so thankful
For Liam Neeson

I’m not staring into the distance
Planning things
Like Clint Eastwood
I’m lost in my car
Probably about to die

My mom had this
Same exact thing
And I used to make fun of her
For it
She’d turn down the radio
And scream at us
Whenever she pulled out into the interstate
“Not now! Be quiet!”

And she grew up in Chattanooga
I mean that was in the 70s
But it was still very distant from the mountains of Alabama
I wasn’t there
But I assume
They had some buildings
A bridge over the same body of water
An art museum
Which is more than
Here in Alabama
they had
A sock factory
Where they made a lot of socks

Now I have so much understanding
I remember hitting my steering wheel and breathing out
“Shhhhhit!”
On a date once
I don’t remember that specifically
But that’s what my
Date says I did
But couldn’t see anything
And so we switched
And she drove home
Laughing
And I was thinking back to my childhood
And In my mind
I was saying
“Oh,I get it
I completely understand
This is what that is.”

So children
If your parents
turn down the
Am radio static
Or Beyoncé
Just to help them see things
You should know
It just got real
And real
Is probably genetic
And it’s coming for you

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One thought on “The one about driving

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