Karen

part two of threeIMG_4865.JPG
Photo Origin Antoine Cordet – acrylic and marker on canvas

I woke up sometime
Late into the night
Around 3am
I couldn’t rest
This was a new place
It wasn’t even my childhood home
I could feel the house
I could hear it
I decided to explore it

I got up quietly
And walked the hallway stopping at
Ellen’s door,cracking it
I saw her sleeping peacefully
Her curtains moving against the air through the window
And there was
dad with his back to the door reading beside her bed
I guess he couldn’t sleep either
He looked over at me
His face strained and tired
But said nothing
Only tried to smile
I heard quiet laughter
From downstairs

I closed the door and made my way into the kitchen
Mom was sitting at the counter
With her phone
And laptop
Her messenger open

I grabbed some orange juice from the fridge,pouring a glass.went back up stairs.mom didn’t even see me.
Sitting at the bar, laughing like a teenager.

Sometime around 7 am
I got up
And waited for her to take her shower….
I checked her phone ….
Opened her laptop
Her messages were deleted
Same with the messenger….
“Shhhhit”
The shower cut off
I could hear the door opening
“What are you doing up here,dear?”
I stopped short at the door…
“My wifi connection went out
I just wanted to check yours”

“Hmm did you get it fixed?”

“Nah must be the router”
I stepped into the hall

“Did you remember to put your glass back in the kitchen?”

I stopped

I couldn’t breathe
Fuck it
“Mom are you having an affair?
You can tell me
I don’t care I just want to know”

She stood there drying her hair
Looking at me

“He makes me feel young
I’ve been so alone since the move
And empty
I feel…I feel like a younger woman.
I didn’t know I could feel
like this again.
You have to understand!
It’s like he’s this phantom
Of hope only mine
He’s there whenever I’m
Up he’s always there and
Your dad is …”
Her face went cold
“He’s always gone”

“He was here last night,mom.in this house.”

She looked confused
“No he wasn’t…
He’s in Seattle,dear.”

My phone started ringing
I looked at it
Dad-
My chest knotted up
I couldn’t breathe
“Hheh ..hey dad,”
“Hey I just wanted to apologize
For leaving
So quick…”
I could only feel my heart beat
Inside my chest and head
“I had to run to Seattle
On an executive meeting
How are things?”

I couldn’t see
Mom was fading in and out
Her phone rang

“Hey man,is everything ok?”

“Yeah,yeah it’s fine
Fine.sorry I’m just reading…something on line.ill see you when you get back,dad.”

I looked at my mom
Laughing into her phone
I started walking
Feeling the house close in
I started walking…

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