The one about Trees

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So recently it’s been snowing a bit
And by that
I mean a very minuscule amount
But not here
More like,away from here
Up north
And up to the fifth floor at that

And there’s a thing similar to the joys
Of the ice bucket challenge going around
Where youths are jumping from
Windows into the snow
Oh,and they’re practically naked

I don’t know what they get from this
Other than landing on horribly painful hidden objects
That I’m sure they’ve
Forgotten about
Now that they’re
Buried in this
White magic unicorn dust
Called snow

But I imagine it must be
Somewhat like the impulse
I used to have after it rained
When I was a child
And I would tear outside
On my bike
And ride through the yard
Water spraying from the tires!
Mud! and mud!
Splattering all up my back

And then there was dad
Screaming, half running across the yard Shaking his fist …
Because, we were messing up his grass.

Dad was very protective
Of his yard
Or at least
The Front Yard
Trees
Weeds
Flowers
I mean for real
You could pull a weed
And he’d replant the weed

One time …
When I was very,very young
And very,very smart
I got tired of
Mowing under all the
Trees in the front yard
Their low hanging limbs
always hitting my face over and over again dragging me off the lawn mower
Gasping for life

Which led me to one of those “once in a lifetime” idea’s
(They call them that not because they’re great but rather,because you shouldn’t have lived to tell the tale)

Mine
involved a saw ….
With which
I cut every single limb off the lower half of the trees in the front yard
Not the back yard
The front – yard
Now keep in mind
My father wouldn’t even let us climb the trees in the front yard
We had to go in the back yard to do that.
They looked like
Holiday suckers
All bare and pointy tree shaped tops
And the best part?
I actually thought it was a great idea!
I was so convinced of this
That i walked inside
And told my father
With a smile on my face
To look outside the window
For a big surprise …
And I will never forget…
Him slowly getting up
From his chair
turning to the window
And dropping his coffee cup
standing there in silence
And
That’s when it hit me
This was a horrible idea
If the tree limbs didn’t get him
The motor oil sure didn’t help

I should add one
Minuscule detail
not only had I chopped the limbs off
EVERY tree in our front yard
I tried to help the trees recover
Because I remembered seeing
Somewhere
That tar smeared on them helped
Slow the bleeding sap
So I got motor oil – because THOSE are the same thing
I smeared motor oil on ALL the trees

So now
It looked like a
Christmas tree massacre!
Motor oil, just running down from the trees …
People were slowing down in their cars just to look and point
While covering their children’s eyes.

dad was still standing there
Just staring out the window

Which was ok
Because my common sense had finally caught up to me
And I was running out the front door
Like a mad man
Fully intending on staying absent until I was at least 75
Unless they could come up with a plan on re-grafting 45 to 125 year old tree limbs
In the next half hour.

And this is what gets written
When there’s nothing else to write

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