The One About Cars 

When I was young,I wanted to be a lot of things.One of those,happened to be a mechanic.Which, is surprising to a lot of people.Because I know nothing about cars. I mean, I know some  things. I changed the wipers on my girlfriends car and surprised even myself. But some things are just harder than Chinese algebra.  I am a huge supporter of “if it’s broke pay someone else to fix it.”

For example,one time, my plug wires stopped working.I know this because my car acted like a 90 year old with a chain smoking cigar addiction -attempting the stairs.It was just sad. Now, I don’t really know what the plug wires do. I imagine they are like a fundamental organ in the body of the car.One that helps really get things going.

   You can always tell the importance of things by the PRICE your mechanic gives you.you know what I mean?. Surely, they’re not out to get naive white southern people for all their parents cash. Wait a minute,that sort of shady thing doesn’t happen. Not when its my hard earned cash anyway.

I don’t remember the exact price they gave me.But it was right in there between “bring the car back when it dies,and the parts will be here then.” A rough mental image would be…like,400 Egyptian cattle in your ancestors lifetime.Or Charles Ingalls  would have had to sell about 80 of those famous  5 dollar wagons of lumber. 

So, naturally, I did what any good american would do.I hopped in my COPD Stricken Jallopy and sought out the superior opinion of my mechanic friend. And I’ll never forget his face when he removed the cover on the plug wires.He just stood there and started laughing. No,really. I asked him if it was bad. And he said, “Well,I think I know why your car won’t work.maybe.” 

   My grandma heaving plug wires were covered with leaves! and more than that,Duct taped together!. 

I just stood there.Staring at this gutter of mud and leaves.Trying to figure out if it was real or sabotage.who had I pissed off??? Who-had – I – offended?? And how, in the name of small automotive-4 cylinder history, does a mountain slide land in your plug wires.With duct tape.You can’t be too adventurous with a small vehicle like that.If you dropped a cup of ice on the ground.My car wouldn’t be leaving the driveway.So,I was stumped.

But for 38 dollars we fixed it ourselves…And you know what? I still don’t remember what the plug wires do.

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