So today I took a four hour nap. Because I’m an adult and I can do that sort of thing now. I also didn’t do the dishes. I take that back. I did do them. But then I messed them up again, because I got hungry. Adult life is so overrated.
My wife saw me pick the Swiffer off the floor. And thanked me for sweeping. Which sounds like the type of thing I would normally do. But not today.
I thought about taking the credit. Because you know, everyone tells you, Like in that movie with Wolverine and Meg Ryan. You can’t just tell a woman you’ve done something. They won’t believe it. They have to see it. Because they’re all about actions. So she thought I cleaned the floor. Because I was putting the swiffer away. And if she saw me closing the dish washer. She would think I just finished the dishes. Which when I first saw the film..,led me to believe that if I did all of these things anyway but she never saw it. She would eventually divorce me stating “you never do anything!!”
Because I was young and gullible and I also thought I knew a lot back then
Turns out I knew NOTHING.
I walked Simon twice today.
He’s our dog. Believe it or not. He doesn’t talk. I wrote about burning biscuits once. And there was a line where the smoke detector goes off…
later I fixed our smoke detector (because it was actually broken) and someone said “you lied! You said in your blog that it went off!! I can’t believe it.”
I just stared at them. Like I was being forced to watch 60 minutes or The West Wing or Spoon fed Vegemite…
“Yeah.” I said. “That’s not all I lied about though. Believe it or not. My dog Simon doesn’t actually talk.”
Speaking of Simon. We take two walks a day now.
A lot of people say things like…
“I see you walking your dog all the time!”
Or ” I saw you and a girl walking your dog.”
“I saw some girl walking your dog the other day.”
Sometimes I tell the truth. Sometimes I explain that I pay someone to walk him. Or that I had just had a date but she wanted to walk my dog instead so I let her.
It’s actually my wife…