2020 #39

I’ve only written four songs in my whole life, but I’ve written those four songs a million times…[Bob Dylan]
Photo by Barry Feinstein

I think it’s getting worse.

A friend of mine, that I’ve known since I was 15 has COVID…

If I could delete the internet, I would.

How do I write about this?

GA is full, they are shipping patients out.

I think it’s difficult for people to grasp. Because they can’t see it. HIPPA keeps you protected. On both sides.

Four counties around us are struggling with capacity as well. They’ve almost had to close hospitals twice this week.

But people still don’t want to wear a mask.

Our Gov finally made it mandatory.

People say things, like, I just don’t think, surely, the government shouldn’t have to tell us what to do here.

But it’s already clear that evidently, they do.

My county, Dekalb is 1,195 cases etowah is 1,194

That means we have as many as Gadsden ….. let that sink in. We may have, maybe 30 or so icu beds altogether for these areas…

We are fucked.

We already lost this.

I’ve worked through the whole thing, 19 weeks. 133 days. My store has all been tested twice… not because they were sick but because they were scared. They voluntarily got tested. My people are scared. Teenagers. Not even old enough to vote or buy cigarettes.

I can’t be scared. I have to set the tone for the store. If I’m calm they will be calm. If I’m scared they will be scared. If I’m terrible they will be terrible. But they are scared.

I see it. They’ve cried in my office.

They’ve seen everyone leave for vacations. Refuse to wear masks. Give us reasons and theories. That this is a hoax. But now, people are going to start getting sick…. and our hospitals are going to be full. And there’s no where to go.

I’ve been marking the floors so people know where to stand. I’ve been making sure everyone has access to sanitizer and gloves and masks.

I’ve done everything I know to do.

I’ve lost people in my life

I don’t want to lose more people.

I remember when the tornadoes came, how people were scared and numb. I remember how we all banned together and helped each other. How we rebuilt.

I remember 9/11 I remember the sense of community we all had and responsibility.

How we came together. With the world and loved.

We wore T shirts that said Army and I love NY

I believe, I still believe in this state. I believe we can come together again and do what must be done. I don’t have the answers, I don’t know, this has been new and changing for everyone. But, we all can do one thing . Mask up. Social distance.

I’ve been writing more letters and trying to stay home more. I slept for four days on vacation. We all are tired.

Grant that I shall not seek so much to be consoled as to console. To be understood, as to understand. To be loved as to love, with all my heart….with all my heart.

I’ve breathed that prayer for as long as I’ve remembered.

I just want to be good. I want to be there for those I love. For my community.

I want to be good. I don’t want to change into some bitter thing.

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