Today is what would have been another wedding anniversary
And you feel a certain kind of way
You wake up with a pain in your gut
And it’s strange because
None of these things were supposed to matter
Remember?
It was just a paper
It was just a license
Nothing would have been different
Except
Everything is different
Your body has a phantom memory
Of presents hid away for this day
Of good small memories
Because it was a life that was tangled up together
And you’ve spent a year
Trying to untangle it
Until
You finally pay the lawyer
And sign the paper
And sit at home
You don’t go out
You don’t get drunk
The crowds didn’t help
The distractions didn’t help
The fasting didn’t help
But you just know
That somehow
It’s going to be ok
At some point
You rearrange your furniture
You take some pictures down
You start playing guitar again
You walk your dog
You cook for you and the cat and the dog
You know better now
You are simply
Changing
Changing into something you’ve never been
You are becoming
And it hurts
But you know you will live….
You’ve moved
You’ve changed jobs
And this phantom memory
One day
Someday
Won’t hurt
Regarding Samuel 