Phantom touch

Today is what would have been another wedding anniversary

And you feel a certain kind of way

You wake up with a pain in your gut

And it’s strange because

None of these things were supposed to matter

Remember?

It was just a paper

It was just a license

Nothing would have been different

Except

Everything is different

Your body has a phantom memory

Of presents hid away for this day

Of good small memories

Because it was a life that was tangled up together

And you’ve spent a year

Trying to untangle it

Until

You finally pay the lawyer

And sign the paper

And sit at home

You don’t go out

You don’t get drunk

The crowds didn’t help

The distractions didn’t help

The fasting didn’t help

But you just know

That somehow

It’s going to be ok

At some point

You rearrange your furniture

You take some pictures down

You start playing guitar again

You walk your dog

You cook for you and the cat and the dog

You know better now

You are simply

Changing

Changing into something you’ve never been

You are becoming

And it hurts

But you know you will live….

You’ve moved

You’ve changed jobs

And this phantom memory

One day

Someday

Won’t hurt

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