When I was growing up, my dad had a service station, and he would have it open 7 days sometimes 6 days a week. We would get up at 2:30 in the morning.
My brother and I would stay up all night watching old super man and Batman shows on vhs. So we were pretty much useless. I remember there were years my dad was in a bad mood or depressed and then he would get this obsession with church and be in a better mood for a while.
I think about these things a lot now, because even though I was getting up and setting up produce stands on the die of the road back then…
I feel like I understand a little better now,
Working six days a week
Getting up at 2am
Feeling like I never have enough time
Wondering if all I do is obsess over things or ideas or people
Trying to learn the difference between an emotional reality
And a physical reality
Having crohns is weird
Because it doesn’t care
Your body just checks out
I’ve been in pain for three days
And I just keep ignoring it
But I feel like I’m just becoming my father
And I keep shaking it off ….
I keep walking forwards
I have a goal
I have a plan
I have to make it
But what is a dream if it doesn’t come true?
And what am I if I look straight through?