Into the sun

When I was growing up, my dad had a service station, and he would have it open 7 days sometimes 6 days a week. We would get up at 2:30 in the morning.

My brother and I would stay up all night watching old super man and Batman shows on vhs. So we were pretty much useless. I remember there were years my dad was in a bad mood or depressed and then he would get this obsession with church and be in a better mood for a while.

I think about these things a lot now, because even though I was getting up and setting up produce stands on the die of the road back then…

I feel like I understand a little better now,

Working six days a week

Getting up at 2am

Feeling like I never have enough time

Wondering if all I do is obsess over things or ideas or people

Trying to learn the difference between an emotional reality

And a physical reality

Having crohns is weird

Because it doesn’t care

Your body just checks out

I’ve been in pain for three days

And I just keep ignoring it

But I feel like I’m just becoming my father

And I keep shaking it off ….

I keep walking forwards

I have a goal

I have a plan

I have to make it

But what is a dream if it doesn’t come true?

And what am I if I look straight through?

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