Solitude

I pulled the root out
I burned the ends of the rope
I carry the words
That hurt
The memory
Like compost
Made of cigarette ash
Inside of me
——-
I try to think long term
To make a plan
To have a vision
——-
Back and forth
I scrolled
With my hesitation
Like a newsfeed
Time,
Years slipped like sand
Into eternity
I watch the storms
I settle here
Like the earth
I sleep
Praying
Praying
To just be
Something
Better
Something other
than this
This fractured –
I hate this – ache
This selfish – pain
This – hurt
I walked in here
I will walk out
I will not be here
I will not die here
—-
I will sit with myself
What is it I am trying to say
What is it I am feeling
What is it
I want to leave behind
——
What is it
Who am I
Never again
Never again
Never again
——
The single note
Rings
From the piano in the attic
It echoes
One note
Solitary
Solitary
Solitude
-E

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