1
You think the Apex of all pain is losing a parent…
You tell yourself, ok, this is it…nothing could hurt more than this – (losing a parent or a divorce etc)
And then you lose a brother…
And there’s such fresh pain
Pain you can’t even understand
It’s just there…
In such a way
That it feels so unfair
it levels the field
You feel
Cheated from something
You don’t even understand
——
2
There’s no order
To this madness
You think
Ok, there’s parents you’ll lose
You prepare for that
But losing a sibling
Is so different
Whether you’re close or not
You really understand the brevity of everything
It wakes you up
From the grind
From the hustle
And you look around you
And you see
How quickly and randomly
All of this can go away
——
3
This funeral home
Where our father was
Where all of us end up
Through our history
Whatever we may do
We end up here
How strange that
We won’t be living
This ache
This invisible target
We really don’t know
—-
4
How complex
How layered
We take things so personally
I remember losing our father and I thought it was all so personal
And it was
In its way
But there is always hurt
Beyond what you see
There is always layers
There are years
Entire decades
Of complexities and issues
That we know nothing about
It’s all so blurred
The lines
We think it starts and ends with us
A moment in time
But it’s layered
Traits, ethics, work, talents, looks, pain, old pain, new pain, life …
I lit a cigarette and I smoked it
I probably shouldn’t have
But I wanted cheesecake
And didn’t have it
And I felt that I was overthinking
——
-E
Regardingsamuel.com
Regarding Samuel 