To the girl in the lab coat

And I thought that night


Maybe our job as writers,

As creatives,

Was to ask the questions

Focus on the small things

Not the forest

Just one single tree…

What do you see?

This brought me to think of you…

We all want to be great at whatever we do…or maybe we don’t, maybe we want a trophy just for showing up…but that’s a different story and maybe there’s a few of us left who want to be great. This requires countless hours of practice and learning and writing and studying…

For you, yourself…It takes seven to 10 years …

I’ve been married and divorced in that time…

My brother has been married, started a family and career in that time…

You’ve been tucked away, studying and writing medical journals about the small things that we don’t have to see or think about…

But we microwave everything …

We want it fast…

We want a trophy and a cure just for showing up…

I remember when I was younger…

Falling into a black hole of conspiracy theories…it’s easy to do…because it’s fun! and it’s exciting! and it’s scary!
And it’s stories.
We all love stories…the power of language and a lot of life is just boring and a lot of answers are just boring and imbued with responsibility. But conspiracy gives us the opportunity to pass the blame to a third party that we can never truly find…or feel that we are part of something more than what we are.

Until I fell ill with Crohn’s and was in the hospital and I remember thinking “oh no I’m in the hospital…big pharma is going to get me..god don’t let me die…don’t let me die…”

I had tried eating herbs and dirt with olive oil and a number of cleanses…

But I was dying

I started going to a doctor regularly

I started medicine

They changed my medicine

Now I take Humira once a week

And it’s been life changing

My point being

I thought back to that today while giving myself my shot of Humira

If I’m afraid of medicine and science

And yet go to the hospital for relief do I truly believe what I say I do? Or am I just mirroring information ?

It’s a big question

Like the saying, if you’re certain about anything you’re almost certainly wrong…

Or everyone is an atheist until their world falls apart and then they pray…

I thought about how we used to flirt with you while you were just starting in med school and working waitressing jobs and other part time jobs and how it must be now…

To have worked so hard for your credentials and have family praise you and seemingly have them thrown in your face because someone googled something …and with HIPPA we now have this wall protecting us from seeing what actual monsters are out there…

Science isn’t what we think it is…

It doesn’t work like our Apple phones

It’s so easy to fall into an algorithm

Two people google the same thing and get different results based on the algorithm

We use the algorithm to fight the algorithm and we don’t understand any of it….

But science is peer review, it’s constantly asking the question “why?”

And is constantly pushing forward

It’s constantly raising its hand to disease and saying, no further, no more …it stops here…

Where we once was afraid of the dark and the stars

Of how quickly we could be taken away…

Now we can ask questions and work towards the answers…even the very boring consistent work to get the answers…

And these call us to responsibility

These call us to ownership

To consistency

In our lives

In our work

We always start here

I thought about how you explained it one night, if you write a journal everyone checks it and if they don’t get the same results it gets thrown out…the evidence stands up for itself…there are no single heroes, you may discover something or raise a question but it takes everyone…this keeps us humble…

I get up at 2am

I get ready

For my creative work

And you’re out there

Doing your work

The very boring

Very life changing


That is you…

That’s what makes you great

Thank you.

As for me

I sit at my desk, I write, I try to notice the small things, and I build…

Maybe this somehow helps you too

I like to think so.


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