A Nurse cries while grocery shopping after her shift.
She was the 4th in one week I’ve seen crying…
If I have a bad day, it’s minor in comparison.
It’s done with and I can begin again tomorrow…

If she has a bad day it’s because someone or several people died…
On top of being short staffed like everyone else in the world …
Her name tag asks the questions
“Is the customer happy?” Etc
Reducing her to a waitress.
Angry family …
Phone calls with questions,
And it’s everyday now.
I’m increasingly aware of all the things I just don’t know. I don’t have enough time to know. I search for stories and history, for a poem or character, it’s not the same as research for disease or pandemics.
That involves decades of calculus and maths, biology and chemistry and numerous other studies, verifying and peer review.
If I’m honest I don’t even properly know how to use google efficiently…
I would guess most of us are looking for confirmation bias not truth.
My point being …
Are these not our people ?
Our people that we were so proud of for going to medical school.
Our people,
we flirted with while they were waiting tables.
Our people,
Staying up late writing paper after paper
Routinely taking 8 hr exams.
To take responsibility,
For what we know,
And what we don’t know.
We have the freedom to choose,
But when we choose, we’re also choosing the consequences….
Ideas are powerful
Language is powerful
Art is powerful
Look at history ….
How powerful?
I found a college text book in a roadside dumpster,
Where we would get things growing up …shoes or books…
And it made me want to learn how to read.
I slept with that book every night until I learned…just so I could read the first page….
I grew up
In a basement,
Open drywall,
concrete floors.
Out in the middle of nowhere.
From there, we moved to
A house, with termites and bad plumbing.
Any anger or depression was believed to be a demon and we were routinely brought before our dad and prayed over and any perceived devils cast off.
The herbalist told me my crohns was parasites…I only needed a cleanse…
(Ideas are powerful)
But my therapist told me,
I get to decide.
I get to choose.
My doctor told me,
Medicine doesn’t have bias,
Medicine works on everyone.
Rich or poor,
Christian or atheist.
It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from…
And that’s why it’s important to have access…
Sometimes our minds, our ideas get in the way…
Sometimes, our fear gets in the way
And that’s where we must begin.
We have to let go.
We have to meet ourselves.
We have to take responsibility,
We have the ability and the opportunity to do great things.
Noble things,
Humble things,
And we get to decide.
We …
We are complex
We are layered
We contradict ourselves
We have faith and we lose it
A hundred times a day
These days
Are overwhelming.
Maybe we’ve never been here before.
Maybe it’s lasting longer than we first thought…
But we always get to decide.
Every day,
And even when we choose poorly,
We get to choose again tomorrow,
And we can do better.
We can be consistent.
We don’t have to be the best
Or have the answers.
Just take responsibility,
Just be consistent…


2 thoughts on “Stewards

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