The fall of the year

Look around
All the ghost in this room
Walking these streets
Where our hearts used to skip a beat
Catching a spark
Alone in a cold dark night
Trying to find
Trying to find
The shadow of a love I used to know
Hear all the letters I wrote burning under the floor
With the heart I cut out
Just in time
—-
I don’t know, how to save myself,my money, my time…
—-
Oh woman,oh woman,
We’ve been working…everyday since the world was reborn…
And they’ve been asleep, for so long, now the earth is split in two, those who stayed home and those who got used to the news, and worked anyway, even if it was minimum wage…
Now you hold your lip,
And all of the struggle
I can never forget
All of the ghost
All of the time…
We doubled our words
We cautioned our eyes to the light
I don’t even know you
You don’t even know
Oh my love
Oh my woman
Could you spare
My heart just this once…
We just spend time
Like dollars in a jar
But we never touch
There’s always pieces
Pieces we have to translate
Oh my love my love …
All the ghosts in this room
This town
I can’t save myself, my time, my money…my heart…
I see the things that I don’t even know…
We worked through summer
We worked
Now we smile
We smoke
We drink
And we are numb
To the pain
To the rain
To our touch
To your eyes
To your love
To your curse
To the weight of
You holding me
Through the night
We can’t even hide it
The scars and the mood
There on the floor
All of the darkness
It’s here to be bold
Let us be bold
We are not dead
We are complete .

Winter

It’s ok to feel what you feel

It’s ok to be right here

I’m not going to tell you

About some positive quote

I don’t want to do that

You know,

Sometimes

All I know

Is we feel low

And we feel overwhelmed

And sometimes

We just don’t feel like enough

We feel like we are not worthy

And that’s ok too

If all the leaves tried so hard to hold on to the trees

We would never have seasons

So all I know

Is right here

But I’m hoping for a better tomorrow

And I’m doing my best to plan for it too

-Regardingsamuel.com

Glass

Damn these words

They’re never bullet proof

I’m in my head

Start writing from a certain point of view

The world is filled with memory

Take back your certainty

I never know just what I need to know

I feel out of place

Inside the echo

Damn these words

They’re never foolproof

And I’ve been the fool

Too many times before

The world is burning down

Hear our Excuses in the background

We’re busy healing

Killing ego

Checking eachother

60 billion of us

There’s plenty to choose

But careful child

You’ll end up on your own

You need some kind of love

That chooses you too

Your odds just got smaller

Oh damn these words

Damn this heart

What good am I

What good am I

I feel out of place

Starting over

Do I say what I want to say

Do I say, what do I say….

Hurricanes

Today
Six years ago

I had just got out of the hospital when this was taken.
Six or seven years ago.
I prob weighed 140 lbs
It gets dark and it gets hard
But there is poetry even in hurricanes

Keep going
It gets better

-E

I don’t know what you’re going through

Maybe you’re working three jobs

Or two

Or working 80 hours a week

Maybe you’re beat down and broken

Tired

Think about this last stretch of the year

What is here

Right here

Where we are

You’re living

What this year has made you

The strength you hold

You will walk out of this rubble

Stronger

With eyes burning

You will carry this loss this hope this strength with you for the rest of your days

You can’t go back, you’ve seen too much

Lived through too many nights

And if trouble confronts you down the road

When you are alone

You will turn and it will see this year

Burning in your eyes

It will see the fires that made you

And when it backs down

And proclaims, it was just a mistake or a joke and it was just kidding …

Like doc holiday you can say

Calmly

“I wasn’t.”

Because you know what and who you are …

You know the strength you carry

And how you carried this year and did not break.

Keep going.

-E

New moons

How many times

Did we check out

Just to keep

from reading the signs

How many days

Felt the same

How ways did we pass the blame

We don’t have to

We don’t have to say this

Is our lives

—-

I know you’re

Fearing the fall

Tired from it all

This doesn’t have to be

The way we live and die

—-

Stop the sky

From raining down

Tell the lies

If it makes you feel better

Somehow

But we don’t have to live and die

—-

I know you’re tired

I know you’re wired

I know we checked out

Just to keep from reading the signs

But the world is tilted

And we are not permanent

Rest your eyes

If it heals your soul

I’ll hold you through the night

We will live

We will live

For another day

Regardingsamuel

Beagle in the City #288

Ethan: Simon! Come ON

Simon: (sniffing absolutely nothing. Looks back at Ethan)

Ethan: (Opens arms.) what the heck are you even doing?? I have to go to bed. It’s 8:30

Simon: Oh ok. My bad my bad. Oh also, if there’s bones in the bed. It’s not from chicken wings it’s from aliens…

Ethan: omg…are you serious?

Francis: oh hey, guys, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. But I just got a NEW scratcher scratcher upper. It’s brand new.

Ethan: Francis, I just gave that to you. Are you going to sleep beside it?

Francis: What’s it to you? Maybe I love this , maybe I don’t. I haven’t decided.

2020 #45

I just want to be good…

All my cards are on the table

No one is going to bail me out

If I don’t make it

It’s easy to say there’s more to life than money

When you haven’t been without it

The enemy of good is perfect

What’s the use

I wear this bruise

Can I make it through

I’m dreaming out loud

I’m running t

Who are the ones

Who made promises

Out there late at night

That they would get out

And those friends are gone now

Who else is running

A race

For their younger self

For their friends that are already dead

Even though

They will never see them

Cross the finish line

Do you know the pain

I carry every single day

Do you know

That emptiness

How low those roots go

Maybe

We really can have too much

Maybe

We just pack ourselves with light

And distraction

Maybe

Poverty

Real poverty

Leaves a scar

I remember potatoes

Every winter breeze through the window

Maybe there’s a kid over there

Who knows about playing football

On a frozen driveway

Maybe

I keep putting things off

And I’m afraid

And

When it’s late at night

I pour a drink

And I see her eyes

In the stars in the sky

And I’m afraid

Of what I feel

I write some words

And I send them her way

All I have is empathy

All I have is poetry

All I know

Is how to be me

All I know is

Time is running

I am running

But remember

There’s a kid out there

Who’s going to see your story

There’s a kid out there

Living something similar

You’re not alone in this

You can’t do what everyone else is doing

We live in a do what feels right

Do what feels good in the moment

But that’s what children do

We are not children

We come from adults

We have witness in heaven

And we plan

We make goals

We have a personal responsibility

To ourselves

To our communities

To our dreams

No one else will get it

They don’t have to

It’s not my parents fault

It’s not anyone’s fault

I’m just tired of kissing up to banks

For credit

I’m tired of living a life that is not mine

I’m tired of sitting in crowds of people

That are always looking for the next feel good drag.

I’m going somewhere

I know what I want

I want peace

I want comfort

I want freedom

I want passion

I want love

I want to be better than I was yesterday

Better than I was last year

There is a line that only loss

Writes

And I carry it with me

Like a rose

Regardingsamuel

Love her

Here’s how you love her

You don’t go to a bottle of wine

Just to get to the bottom

It will go to your head

-///

Slow down

Take your time

Really be there

Really look at her

See her

Feel her

Her kiss

Her laugh

Her smile

She needs a safe space

A trusted place

To be herself in

Don’t edit her

Don’t judge her

And when she lets you in her bed

Be there

Really be there

With her

There’s no rush to this

It’s not a race

There will be nights

Like shots

Of liquor

And those have their place

But there are also nights

Filled with passions and thunderstorms

Where you outlast the rain

There is no rush

Slow it down

Slower than slow

Slower than what you think slow is

Slow

Until you memorize her breathing and her heart beating…

Her body rising

And settling

The way the light touches her

And you realize

It’s morning

Love her like this

And you won’t be able

To be anywhere else

But with her