Forever is but a moment

My back yard

I just want solitude

And beauty too

And if that rings true

You don’t have to give me forever

Just another moment with you

——///

Don’t let time pass you by

I know you have to go

The shadows are covering the sky

But I hope

I left you something

Good

I hope

I left you something

To remember

I hope

In this solitude

this beauty

That is you

Out of mind

There’s a man

Going around

Passing out promises

Gold and silver too

But the success

Never reaches down this far

No,

They won’t follow you down

And every woman I know

Works harder than two men

And they love

And they bleed

And they sew up our needs

And like Cash said

“When the man comes around”

Well, they won’t follow you down

So we fight

And we survive

Even when our paychecks

Barely make it through

What else are we to do

The silver and gold

Doesn’t come down this far

But they pass it around

With promises too

But they won’t follow you down

—-///

And I

I can’t write

My head is filled with clouds

I try to sit

But I can’t breathe

I watch the colour in the trees

And I think

About the dumpster on the side of the road where we used to get shoes and we used to get books…

And I think

About time

I hope I’ve used mine

Well

I think about the old man

Who lived in a school bus

And had a teenager for a wife

Her eyes said she had escaped something worse

A sort of curse

But I was too young to understand

Now, I think as I try to write, what good am I? What good am I?

If we can’t listen

If we look away

What good am I

And what good have I done …

A clouded head is part of Crohn’s

Just like the ache in the bones

The shouting stomach

The anxiety and the depression

I write about it but I can’t talk about it

And you’ll never see it

I guess

We all are just stories in the end

And we want what we want

And we say it sets us apart

And we expect others to know

But part of us stays on the road

Because even we don’t know…

And all we have is time…

Clouded mind

Dear child

Don’t be

Consumed by fiction

Have we ever learned?

When will we reach over these walls

And grab hold of each other ?

Scale this pain,

“Hillary was a witch, the Antichrist.”

“Obama was not American and the Antichrist. And and and.”

If it’s not this

it’s something else

Look at us

What we swallow

What we sow

What we consume

Hillary was a woman

A human, flawed, yes…

Obama was a man, a black man…flawed, yes. But human.

Our record of self delusion and hypocrisy

Is terrifyingly sobering

But we can choose to change

I think about how many Americans have died…

I think about how many of us are sick

The hospitals are not allowing visitation again…

What will become of us?

What will history say of us?

That we bought the propaganda?

Or that we stood

And we faced ourselves

We said there is no room

For sexism

There is no room for racism

There is no place for hate

There is only room for growth

For all of us at the table

For all of us

The disenfranchised

The minority

The single parent

The middle class

Every one of us

Because we rise and we fall together

So child

Remember

It’s a job

Do not lose hope

The scientist

The journalist

The doctors

They are not spending decades

Trying to deceive you

Do not lose faith in your ability to make a difference in your community

Read

Study

Reach out

Make a difference

It only takes one…

How sad,

We were mad that she had to carry so much only after RBG passed away…before she died, we were saying things like “she better hang on. We need her.”

How sad that Obama has to get back in the fight.

But look, it only takes one

If you think you don’t make a difference

Look again.

You matter

You’re important

Reach across those walls

We are more than our differences

We rise and fall together.

And our future is waiting

Hindsight never sleeps

– all of these streets were crowded

– money never sleeps

– the markets will never crash

– in this economy?

It’s difficult for people to grasp eternity

Because all they have-all they’ve experienced, is now…

– you think you have something to offer humanity? You don’t have anything. . . They’re hungry for a shortcut to happiness… and I can give it to them. A life without discipline. Without goals, without effort. Just do whatever whenever however, for as long as ever. But quickly. The day before yesterday.

The devil sat back in his chair…the bar was empty…this was our third meeting…

There were no cars on the street…

No chill in the air…

No ice

I rolled my sleeves up…

Drank my gin

– look, I’m a salesmen, like you, I make deals… I made one a while back…a guy wanted to be the biggest president in history…

– I don’t think this is what he had in mind…

– he’s going down in history isn’t he? He should of read the fine print. Hell, he should’ve read period.

– if you’re confident enough people believe anything…

– the old rules don’t apply, the game is changing. I’m collecting souls. You still think there’s hope for these people? They made their beds. How’s yours?

– I sleep fine.

– are you sure? That’s not what she says…you do see her don’t you? Tell me, how is she?

“She” was a figure who appeared in my door…every night…since I was a child…I would wake up and she might rush toward me or float away.. this tall dark figure…or she might just be mumbling over and over again something I could never break.

I ignored this statement

– there’s a changing of the guard, I still believe in people, in free will, in peoples ability to change. And to choose, so yes…I think our tomorrows are better than today.

– you really don’t learn do you…if you give people the option to grab what they want now? They will take it. People don’t change. Even if it’s against their best interest. They will gratify today and suffer tomorrow. They like to feel like they have options, so they come and go and change their minds a lot, but they are really just circling around their individual grave… never accomplishing much, never really loving, never really growing, just talking. Loudly, about nothing, just themselves. And the world suffers.

If I can keep them distracted and self indulgent, they will gather and fight and self destruct. Arguing about nothing. Consumed with themselves. Feeding this appetite. It’s almost more than even I can take. I hate this whore of self. She drinks the blood and has no discipline no plan…you do know,she’s older than any of us…she’s been here since the beginning…I don’t know, I might have to kill her.

– I didn’t think you had it in you.

– I’m a guy with a plan. That’s why I need you. I can’t do it without souls. I need a statement.

I drank the rest of my gin…

When I set my glass down he was gone.

I looked down to see an envelope…

I put it in my coat…

It was raining.

The streets smelled like sewage.

The city wasn’t pretty.

It reminded me of how I felt inside.

What we build

1958 Bruce Davidson

Jfk was keenly curious and aware. He traveled Europe and observed politics on the ground. He didn’t have to use historians, he saw first hand the propaganda machine.

He understood the importance of image.

Being a war hero, and ill himself, always in poor health. He somehow presented a positive energy and outlook that was contagious.

He was the blue print for a new brand and structure of politics.

His ideas were shaped from experience.

He was understanding, because he knew people consumed what they heard and saw. He understood the importance of democracy, that it had to work. It was the last best stand on earth.

I can’t help but wonder sometimes, how odd that we recall the death over the life. The women over the veteran,

Deeply curious about political history

He wanted to understand.

I want to understand

If this is the last best stand on earth …

What am I living for ?

What am I leaving ?

Most people want so desperately to be told what to do

And they don’t even know it

Not even when you tell them what to buy

They don’t know what they want

Or that they need something

Until we sell it to them

They don’t know who to vote for

Until it’s sold to them

What they believe

Until it’s sold to them

Ads

And images

Propaganda

It’s what we consume every day

I unplugged

This site is my only social media right now

Until after the new year

My head is in a fog

I never read

I want to write more

And really create

But I’m angry

I’m confused

I feel like we have more in common than we have differences

But now

We are constantly pitted against ourselves and against eachother

JFK understood things needed to change

We didn’t need a hand out

We needed a hand up

So we could get ahead

And so we could give back

We had a responsibility

But I wonder if we even know what that responsibility is

I ask myself if we even remember what a dream is ?

Or are we so deep in the mud

That we are fighting only ourselves now ….

I want to believe in a tomorrow

I want to believe in us

Because of us

We determine our future

And we can decide today

What we are building

Can endure

Tradition

Requires repetition

We have to start somewhere

Why not here?

Why not now?

Why not us?

The importance of being

I woke up this morning

With a released breath

I didn’t realize I had been holding…

Holding for four years.

Waking up every morning afraid of what the headlines would say

What tweet is out ???

What world leader is laughing at us?

–////

The changing of the guard is underway.

As a Democrat…who read Reagan and his letters and his journals and the same with the Kennedy’s and studied the Clinton’s…

We need a new change.

A real change, another hand up for the People. And real opportunity for everyone.

I am so proud to be an American,

This moment speaks to all of us, every one of us. Democracy works. We do not want to change these foundations.

The disenfranchised and minorities have been watching our leadership,

Our children our daughters…

They have watched as some of us have made excuses and stood by our guy, as the ship sinks in the water.

If anything, we’ve learned the importance of representation…

We’ve seen the hate and the weaknesses

The hypocrisy

The dark underbelly represented

But it does not speak for all of us…

They say we accept the love we think we deserve… this moment …

Every little girl, every wife, every one of us …who is in a situation where we feel like we are not represented…

Can now look at the White House…and they can see representation…

And know,

That they deserve more

They can achieve more…

They can dream …

Every one of us…

—-////

I’ve always listened to stories

And I’ve always prayed

And my faith

My conscience, my patriotism, does not allow me to continue to be silent.

I know the importance of voices and representation.

I believe we all can dream. We all can reach for a better opportunity. I believe in dignity. In decency, in leadership.

I believe in a better tomorrow…

For every one.

Not equal outcomes but equal opportunity.

In the stories that make us

The history that shaped us.

We rise and we fall together.

—///

I am always overwhelmed by elections

I’ve seen the flags

The shirts

The hats

And I’ve heard the mental gymnastics

I’ve seen it

But what it speaks is the algorithm

The bubbles we are living in

We have to reach across that

We’ve lost touch with ourselves

And we have a president who stands for nothing but himself and is loyal to no one but demands loyalty…

He’s simply appealing because he appears flawed and human

He’s sinful

And we see ourselves in him

Or we see a father

Or husband that we never really worked through…

That narcissism…

One issue voting?

Pro life?

It’s not going away…

They won’t vote it out, not completely

It’s what keeps too many republicans republican…

I believe we have more in common than we have differences

—-///

Again, I’m proud

You should be proud

Be proud

Breathe

It’s ok to be happy

This is historical

This is a win for every one of us

Regardless of political persuasion

Our future is brighter

We are still a shining city on a hill

And yes, yes we can build a better tomorrow for all of us.

We all have a moral duty

A personal responsibility to our communities and our nation

Our families

To be an example to our children.

To give back.

The eyes of the world are upon us.

And while some of us have been duped

Or played so hard a mental gymnastic

That we cannot back pedal

It’s ok

Because what we are building

Is better for all of us

Our small towns

Our cities

Our churches

Our city halls

Our hospitals

Our schools

Our work places

Our tomorrows

This. This is the America I believe in.

It never went away

It was here

In all of us

It just took us a minute to catch up.

-E

Liberty

I think we forget

What it was really like

Two wars

A collapsing economy

Faster than the Great Depression

The month he took office

We had lost 800,000 jobs

Just in that month

Within a year

We had jobs growing instead of losing

Tech and globalization

Education and healthcare costs

Economy bubbles

Heated

By investors

How do you build something that works for everyone?

One wife

A reader

A picture of the american dream

The promise that you could

Work hard and reach any dream

But we were not ok with that

How do you figure out a way to process truths

Facts?

If we live through

Algorithms

Through a phone

That build on our biases

Polarizing us

Watching only media that puts us in a bubble …

How do we value truth ? And facts ?

Character and honor

This is not Reagan country

This is not Kennedy country

This is not Mayberry

They would not recognize us

They would not be proud of us ….

Human decency and respect and empathy

Should be base value

But it is not here…

What happened to the values that carried us here?

The basic values

Be honest

Be kind

Treat everyone with respect

Work hard

What happened to us?

How can we

Return

Would Christ still say

“Forgive them for they know not what they do?”

When we say things like

“We knew what he was.”

“But.”

If my ex wife or a woman is vulgar

Or loud

It’s wrong

But if a man does it

It’s presidential

How do we come back from this

We are so divided

And how

Can we pray ??

When we say things like

“This man was put here by god,to stop communism…”

I thought we wanted smaller government ?

This is not Reagan country

This is not a shining city on a hill

We are unrecognisable

But

I still believe

In the seeds

In the ability to believe in ourselves

And our communities

We can return

And we can

Meet the cause

Should Christ have refused the cross?

Should

Our fathers

Refused to storm the beaches of Normandy?

We’ve never been here before

Because we have

Technology

That we don’t even understand

And it’s using

Our own weaknesses against us

But we keep looking for an intruder

Liberty has fallen

We shaved her head in the marketplace

A spectacle

For the world to see

And they will remember

How we’ve acted

What we’ve said

And how we defended ourselves

And reasoned and split our minds in half ….

How do you back pedal?

You can’t

Like

Trying to find the census Russia smudged

Because it showed the unnatural death count

In the 30s

So they shot the census takers

Here we are 33k deaths in the US

Masks

Shutdowns

Businesses closing

How do we move forward ?

What happened to chivalry

To classic badassery?

To rising to the challenge ?

Leadership?

We are more than masses

Blue states,red states, we are more…

Our parents lost jobs in the first recession

They lost homes

We are survivors

We are Americans

Memory

Is it fortune

Is it all of these years?

All of these tears

Clutched hearts

I know you’re leaving

You’ve got a lot on your mind

Let me know

What I can leave you

To remember me by

Let it not be

pain

Let it not be truth

Let it be soft

Let it be understanding

Of the complexity of being

Becoming

The sun is setting

And we all are just chapters

In this book

Death is real and random

The earth is burning

I never said much

But I remember your touch

When it was soft and real

I know you’re hurting

I hope I left you something good

To remember me by

The Groom is still waiting

I’ll tell it to you

The best I can

You may not believe

But it’s the best as I can see

—///

Everything seemed to go from bad to worse

Atleast that’s the way it seemed

We kept fighting

That’s just the way we came up

It didn’t matter how things went down

No body from Washington

Ever followed us anyhow

And no one could sing the blues

Like the working man

The women

From my mountain town

—-///

They talked

In their high places

Of promises

Gold and silver too

And see

Them communist

And see them fascist

They’re all just left and right

Different fists

Of the same beasts

Coming out of the ocean

–/////

Nobody ever follows us down

There’s a woman

By the river

She washes her children’s clothes

And there’s a man hanging from the tree

And you can hear the hymn she sings

No one can sing these truths

Like the eyes of those who will remember you…

—///

Well god is on our side

So long as everything stays right

And power and greed

And corruptible seed

And dylan played it well

—-///

And we will rise

And work today

No matter who fell

We will rise

And we will die

And we will grieve

No one follows us down

No one follows us down

—-///

I set my e yes s toward the burning sun

And pray to God above

No one

Knows these truths

Like the working man

The hungry man

The woman

The mother

The wife

And no one

Ever follows us down

We will remember you well

Casting hope

Like light

Upon the water

—///

The Crisis of man

Thoughts on aging in the coming age

It’s cold, 39 degrees. I turned on my heat this morning, I’ve tried to not think about it. But like the moon landing, I couldn’t help it,

I think…

What must it be like to go so far. To only find dust, and isolation?

for four years, I’ve tried to watch and observe…

I was married, I’m now divorced…

Women without men are an idea, women with men are a complication…

We altogether are a complication. A mood in itself.

We post on dating apps, photos of ourselves in Egypt and camping and we want a man with a car, a house, a job, a pleasant disposition. And he has to make us laugh…

But he’s too short, he’s too round, his eyebrows are too thick…

I can’t take you to Egypt, I hate camping…I like my solitude…

I haven’t played a video game since 2004

Can I just cook you dinner, play a record, dance with you and tell you, you’re the nicest thing I’ve ever seen?

We want absolutes

But we want to be accepted

But we have requirements

—///

You reach a certain age, maybe it’s just me…

You reach a place, you take stock of your life…

What have you really achieved?

Are you what you want?

How does one maintain faith?

It feels so far away…

How did the astronauts handle

Something so grand

Becoming “fake.”

How does one live ….

Age to age …

—-///

Tuesday

We vote

I’ve watched

As we use an algorithm

I’ve watched as we do not talk

To each other

I’ve asked myself how our children

And our youth will remember this

What have we taught them

Shown them

What example

What do they consider presidential?

Honorable ?

Decent?

What is life?

What does a leader look like?

Empathy?

To our children

To the young people

To the rest of the world

I think about how I grew and changed

And what I have been impressed with

Over time

And my heart has ached for so long

For the young people

Globally

For what the new leaders

Across the globe

What impressions are we leaving

What are we saying?

—///

Tomorrow and I feel

Really

through most of December

The world will be on its toes

The money making machine of american headlines

—–///

But how do we go from here?

We’ve screamed

We’ve marched

We’ve demonstrated

We’ve left our kids at home

We’ve thrown more work on them

We’re gutted

Outed

It’s not the degrees

It’s the regular jobs that carry us

The ones we looked down on

It’s not the student debt

Or the bank account

It’s the ability to stay calm

Under pressure

It’s the ability to process information

The ability to think

And make a decision

—-///

Something is amiss

within my faith

—–///

Within myself

—-///

I seek solitude

—-///

We used to have Hollywood as a job

Now it’s a bubble that tells us what we should do,

Social media

This algorithm

Marches

demands rights

And puts our vulgarity on our forehead like we are screwing on the table at thanksgiving…

And vulgarly demands that the family and the world be ok with it…

It leaves nothing to the imagination.

We can’t miss a paycheck

If we do we are homeless

None of the people I know

None of the minorities I know

Are even resembling of this nature

—////

Yet we continue to use the algorithm

When it doesn’t even reflect us

We say everyone has shown their true colours this year, that’s just not true

Everyone has always shown us their colours…we just didn’t want to hear them or see them…because we wanted them to be what we wanted them to be.

The algorithm simply shows us what we want to see…

We wanted the same for us too…

This is the crisis…

The crisis of ….

Of humankind.

—-///

To be without faith

Without honor

Without drive

Without ambition

Without privacy

Is to be empty

Void

Surely there is something left of honor

Of privacy

Of respect

Of character

Of faith…

I do not know

I look to the sky

And I pray

But I can’t find anything

You see

Truth is something we are meant to discern not the media or the newspaper or social media or apps

Or smoke signals

But our eyes and hearts and minds

—///

What is presidential?

What is decency ?

What is character ?

—///

I envy the self that writes this and does not know of tomorrow or election results or headlines

So much of our government relies on the honor system

And if it is abused

So much can go away and be re written

And we understand so little of this

—-//

Space is cold

It’s vast and it’s dark

And so is my heart

It began years ago

In small stages

Small misgivings

I wanted a family

I wanted a home

I wanted to love and cherish and be loved and cherish

I wanted to take care of someone

To have this purpose

And

Now

I only want this solitude

To disappear

To fade away

To understand what purpose is …

The world is raging

I hope we can find ourselves

I hope we can stop for a moment

I hope we can look up

And ask for help.

Death is real and random

We are but a moment

And hate

And greed

And this crisis

Is too much

Maybe you reach a certain age

And it happens to everyone

Where they feel like the new generation has everything wrong

Only

Now

Right now

I feel like none of us are ourselves

I feel like we’ve all been duped

Even the best of us…

Maybe it’s just me….

I feel like we are in a bad dream

And the acid rain is falling

And the church bells are ringing

And the boots are on the ground

And the ashes are drifting like snow

From the ovens over the ridge

And

They are about to show us the ovens

Used to cook our brothers

And we are about to hold napkins over our mouthes and breathe

“I didn’t know, I didn’t believe….”

“But…”

And

I fear

What reason did we have to build this machine?

What purpose?

What crisis

How did we get here

—-///

You reach a point

And you ask

What have I really achieved

I’m not any of the things I wanted to be

I’m still empty

I’m still void

After such ambition

Of youth

Do we look back

Only to see the void

Quiet

Coldness of life

And see

Ourselves?

We can’t stand the silence

We can’t even sit with it

We can’t even walk with it

Or drive with it …

We can’t sit with ourselves ….

God help us.