Writers Log #25

I tried writing a few letters. My hands shake so much, you couldn’t have read it. I’m not really sure the last time I slept well. I wonder about the weather, how it will change everything. We all have short term memory.

Will I run out of things to say?

This is not the end

Just get through these hours

Look for the opportunity

You’re still you

I have this nervous energy

Everyone is awake

Wanting these days to end

I’m tired

So tired

And I wonder

If 14 days is enough

I’ve been, along with so many of us, working for 13 days 142 hours and we all see the same things…this isn’t enough, this could be our reality for a few months…

I hope for new art

I hope for new beginnings

I hope we are strong enough

Let us be good

Let us be good

Are we good …

Francis Cash #5

Francis: it is now day 10 of my hooman not being here. I think he must have gotten killded…

Ethan: France, what are you talking about? I’m right here. We took a nap together just today…

France: Was that today?

Ethan: Yeah man.

France: I’ve heard some things about Garmex, so I have made us masks out of underwear…

Ethan: I’m not wearing that. It’s not even clean and it’s germ ex or sanitizers.

France: you can’t clean clothes right now there’s no soaps!

Ethan: there’s plenty of detergent…and unsweetened tea.

France: there is!?

Ethan: so you should prob not make decisions while panicked… lets go take a bath.

Beagle in the City #267

Simon: Dad! Why are you not kerosened !! It’s a FANDEMIK

Ethan: I work grocery, I’ve been working all day and most nights. Let’s take you guys outside and walk.

Jazz: Hey friend! I

Ethan: Hey Cheese.

Jazz: I love cheese! Where is the cheese? Do we have cheese?

Simon: The kerosene Jazz! There’s no cheeses left.

Ethan: First off, it’s quarantine. Second, we have to go walk.

Jazz: So, why are you called dad? And how come I don’t know you?

Ethan: because we are best friends and I’m your dog sitter. I also brought you cheese.

Survivalism

Watch the sun

As it fades from the sky

This final time

And I keep meaning

To gather these good intentions

Set them to flame

You know your light shines brightest in the night

Do you believe it?

You and me

Are we essential?

Took the rebel stand

The sky is broken

All the people

Once it hits

It’s all of those of us

That you never cared about

Watch us hit the ground

Try to find the face in the crowd

Take what you need

Are we one

We rise we fall

Like it or not

We are in this together

Writers Log

I’ve started trying to keep a better journal, I know this is a once in a lifetime event, everything is happening so fast, I’m very aware that there are events I will miss or forget altogether.

I don’t want to be so caught up in trying to survive or just being self absorbed that I miss it.

Honestly I probably miss a lot. I start my day at 4am and it usually ends around 6 or 7pm

I’ve spent almost 20 years working retail, specifically grocery. I’ve never seen it this wild.

I have a lot of thoughts on a lot of aspects of this, mostly because I over think everything. But I don’t want to add to the hysteria.

I have my cashiers wear gloves and I start every day cleaning empty shelves, registers and shopping carts. Even when the tornadoes came through in 2011 it wasn’t this wild. Most of my days have run together. I’m just trying to write more and not think too much about it. I keep telling myself “this is once in a lifetime.”

But honestly, I’m exhausted. Patient, grateful for community and thankful for a job and my employees. But exhausted.

I’m thinking about moving soon. Maybe to the mountain. I haven’t been that way in years. But it’s where I grew up. I feel strange, a certain way about it. I can’t pin point it. But I will figure it out. I think it might be good for me.

Time heals everything. You grow, trying or not you grow. Like a vine, around and through. Time is going to move you.

I need to start cooking again. I miss it.

I’m trying to piece another manuscript together. I’m not sure why. I just feel like I need to stay busy.

I’m terrified that I’m not a good person. I’m growing older. I just want to be good. Not perfect just good. I need to figure this out. The root. The base value.

Like math everything has a base value. Find it. Break the problem down. It’s easier to digest.

Just be good. Just be good. Be decent. Understanding. Listen.

Write. Everyday.

New beginnings

When I feel the sadness crashing around my soul like waters

I just tell myself I don’t have control – I have to be ok in times of trouble, in times of sadness, in times of gladness, in time…

Time is shifting sand

It is never stable

I remind myself

Of spring and goodness

And new beginnings

And when the storm clouds rise

As they do in spring

And the lightning is flashing

I will remind myself again

Of all the goodness

And I will breathe

Things that don’t suck

When you’re Stuck inside

You can feel lonely

But you’re not alone

Here’s a list of things that don’t suck

When the universe is calling us to unplug and slow down

Reminding us what is important

Things that don’t suck

Hand written letters

Cheesecake

Pasta

Books

Baking

Piano

Sex

Making out

Orgasms

Poetry

Reading together

Tea

Sitting in the sun with your cat

Naps

You and I

Us

Sharing space

Walking together