All the light has left There are no stars Only darkness Only pain The cold, dry hunger Yes, morning always comes But an hour too late Out of time They don’t tell you about that There is nothing worse than too late…
We are all living on the edge of the day Out here It’s what we know If something good This way should come Would we even be able to get up to get it We can’t even afford to make the break For something better —— What gold dust promise Did they feed you To put your mind to rest in the night —— Under class Coming in last What broken bones Did you learn to walk on What pain did you put at the back of your mind ——— We grew up at the back of the line We’ve always been On welfare We’ve always been waiting For another Just one more Week Day Next Next time will be better Next love Next job Next life —- Next —- Paradise is out – there Somewhere ——- If help is out there It’s too too late All the power is off All the food is gone All the ills And bills are due All the panic is strong All the history is gone Does it look good on you? They want you to stay quiet But your words are all you’ve got If I should fade It’s all I’ve got I’m leaving I’m out of ideas My weight left in the night I’m not even hungry I tried to get out But you can’t even make the break You’re so far behind They shoot you at the gate You try There’s nothing to fall back on My pulse is gone My mind is fog My heart is ash My tongue is cut out My blood is cold It never let’s go It never lets go It never lets go -Regardingsamuel.com
There was evil, and there was memory and who knows when you first meet either of the two. He knew he saw her standing in the woods in the dark when he was little. Her black dress…long hands…
That was when he saw the lights in the sky.
He saw her again when he was house sitting for his grandfather after his grandmother died. He could hear her long dress moving through the hall at night. Always just catching a glimpse of her entering the rooms.
The night his father died, he saw her through the window, sitting in the rocker. He knew then he had passed.
Maybe it was when he drove the long drive to his father in law to tell him he couldn’t love his daughter anymore…
He saw her then…
He kept hearing the words
Sick in the stomach
Weights around his neck
“You’re not the victim here, if you do this, it will end in destruction, you’re on a dangerous road.”
“He’s just lost. He’s lost.”
He sees her now, every night. In his door. Just like he did before…
She just stands there and then floats away. Sucking all of the light and air out of the room.
Who knows when you meet evil…
There was also a different figure
Blonde red hair
Blue eyes like stars
And fire wings
She was there when he had a seizure in a ditch
She was there, reading, when he was in the hospital, she was there always…
But lately she just smoked and made fun of his poetry…
I had a dream I was drinking with the Devil again…
The bar fell quiet. The crowd of people but I felt some-one else moving through them. I could hear his hard soles on the floor…just shadow and cold.
⁃ I’m so glad you finally made it. It’s really been too long.
He spread his arms wide
⁃ You really out did yourself.
⁃ There is something else. I can feel it.
⁃ Who? Lou? Nah that’s just Death. He’s been here a long time. you’re not wrong. It’s passed the politician and the promises. The light show, you feel it too. You’re an old soul. That’s why I like artist. You feel us before we ever arrive. Like the weather.
⁃ Who is it?
⁃ Death, hates her. She’s a much older evil. She was here before the beginning. Before anything was written. Before the plan. She only serves herself.
I sat back and looked around the room. I felt like I was old. I felt like I was sifting.
I remembered old tent revivals
Dirt on the floor
I remembered thunderstorms
And mountain roads
A thin voice, eaten by tobacco and gin spoke
I didn’t even notice he had sat down.
-You’re sick. I can smell it in your blood. You’re losing weight. You can only endure so much pain.
Another voice spoke at the table. I hadn’t noticed she had sat down. She looked tired. Tattoos. A thick accent. She ashed her cigarette in my drink.
⁃ Shut up. He’s always been tired. You believe everyone is sick anyway.
⁃ You see, your vanity has you thinking the good is even with the evil. There’s no balance. You’re just as selfish as me. You want to be remembered and you want your Guardian here to be all powerful but we don’t work like that. Time is not linear. It’s brief and it’s quick and it’s over before you begin. And people will always choose the easiest paths. The comfortable. What they know. Thin love and a little poverty with a cold comfort.
⁃ I don’t think you really know people. I think people endure and grow and evolve.
⁃ Your vanity is showing…you have more of me in you than you realise. Hell is not a destination it’s here…demons are in you…heaven is just a warm memory…
I finished my drink…
-it’s always nice chatting…but we did make it. We did endure and we are still.
– I’m growing on you. You’re getting comfortable and alone. You don’t even see the changes. But I do.
I looked at Syl. She lit another cigarette. I looked back over and they all were gone. Per usual.
Trust me When I say There will be things in life You will be unsure of Tax returns Hummus Avocados Speed limits Correct dates of Apts The spelling of wed- whatever But there are somethings That you will NOT be unsure of Love is one of them What you bring to the table Is one of them You deserve
Chicken soup On sick days Massages Sweaters Dances in the kitchen Showers together Month long birthdays And month long valentines Sunday brunches Christmas Letters Fresh flowers Always But uncertainty in love And yourself Is not one of them So if they are uncertain Just leave Because you deserve sureness You deserve Everything you bring And more -Regardingsamuel.com
Oh where did the weather Land on your houses? Thousands of notes photos phones Decades of social media Heart ache Alone ——- Oh where did you rest Vulnerability ? Is there room here At the table for For empathy Is there room now For the divorced The discourse The poets The love that miscarries The sketches of little hearts Broken by time Mouths hungry for feeding Hearts aching for connection —— We have so much riding on tomorrow But no trust for today Did you keep that knife In your hand , Try so hard, But we don’t understand How is there courage Without trust Vulnerability —— The arena of time Your dreams cast down On Blood And stone —— Where did it come down on your houses Did you ever lose Did you ever try Did you ever meet someone Beyond the masquerade Who was real…. —— Oh where is your profit for your stone face And cold hand Where did the hard rain fall on your land Where did the concrete touch your heartland What moment did your childhood end What moment did they pack your Risk and your vulnerability and leave you a check… —— We say we don’t care We say we don’t feel We say we move mountains But we are not real —— And in the morning See the sun break through see your love and loved Move with grace and peace And know we all struggle We all have pain We all come from nothing And we can remain We can reach across Those walls We can stand side by side We can do more than live hard We can love we can try We can see we are in the arena And the cheap seats Are casting their own bets But there is no courage there There is no risk We can be the moment For what people can do The love and vulnerability The risk The trust To break these chains To begin again To begin again —— There’s no use To look back All that won’t last has past And all we have is time All we have is time Don’t think we have time Let’s meet again Beyond the silhouetted masquerade Cast away your perfect image We can be real for just a moment And trust what we must become To be living…
But oh When the kids ask About the pictures Stained From the dirt and ash and tears and blood You tell them the truth —— From the dirt We rose Hearts of dust and rust And thorns And the banks kept calling And all you had is what you had left And any touch you had Was just too far off —— The love you had Whatever love you held Checked out And you kicked them out And patched the holes in the walls They don’t come around here anymore —— And we drank To hide the shame And the pain And to feel nothing —— That’s the thing About being that far behind They’re loading the chamber You’re on the line The bullseye —— Sure it levels every man Sure It evens out in the end If you survive —— But out of time is out of time Dust is dust Whatever help Was coming Took too, too long So you had your breakdown You burned out Because that’s the thing Too late is too late Out of time is out of time —— Tell the kids that You tell them how it really was How you had to rebuild Making bricks from mud and ash.
Maybe it’s too close To the chest We pick the weapons we know best I’ll take the knives That cut at my sides, The dream. She’ll take the chains That she can break through, Run. Give us freedom, Like the crow flies. Give us freedom, Like the sunrise. Give us freedom, From our nightmares, Trash in the floor, Because of a credit card accidentally thrown away. Raised voices Thrown chairs, Slamming doors, And words… Words that you live and die by Used against you. Used to hurt eachother In the darkness. You get what you have, Worse, You get what you are What you really are And multiply…. Give us freedom Like the crow flies Give us freedom From our last past, worse self Give us freedom. To live and die Give us freedom from My sickness Freedom from Lying in a bathtub with my own blood Freedom from the weight loss Freedom for my mind Freedom Give us freedom Because I’m building I’m working I’m winning And I refuse to give in Freedom -E