Endings

The space for you…
The rituals
The beginnings
The books, the prayers, the happiness,
There are so many celebrations
For beginnings…
Prom
College
Marriage
Children
Careers
Home
——
And yet
—-
Endings
——-
We stumble through
It can go on for years
Love letters
And cakes
Easter egg hunts on sundays
Turn to words
That shadow our thoughts
Like the echo of sirens in the city
There is hurt here…
That we all have felt
Familiar
Ache and
Loneliness
But we are not alone
You are still you
You are still whole
You deserve a ritual for this ending
You are my relationship
This community share
——
She said she wanted to be happy and loved and not sad
She wanted all the things …
She had tried prayer
She had tried meditations
She had tried it all
—-
Maybe, she said, maybe, sadness, is just as big in us, as happiness, maybe endings, are just as big as beginnings, knowing when to let go, when to be gentle, when to leave,
When to just sit with it…
Get to know it
And us
Like Jimmy Stewart and Harvey
——
Maybe we try to hide these parts
of ourselves, because …
It says there is hurt here
There is ache here
When, by all appearances
Things should be well…
Whatever that means…
She said
She did all the right things
And she still feels alone ….
We have children, telling us what true love is…
Religion telling us to wait
The physical act,
Something so powerful and so insignificant …
It keeps us from knowing such a deep part of ourselves…
And our daughters our children
Are loved badly
In the beds of lovers who don’t even know…

I thought about how l have surely hurt
Trying not to hurt …
How I’ve held to words that hurt me …
And tried to be colder
Because it is all so legal
The ending…
Cut down to a signature
And a transaction …
And in other ways so religious
But none of it human
None of it
Just says
Here, I feel you,
I’m here with you,
And when you mess up trying to navigate this, I will still be here…
——
I wanted a love that was giving the last warmth …
The last ember…
on the coldest night …
After a lifetime of knowing me…
Of knowing there is nothing left for me to give…
There is no surprises hidden…
No potential…
No lessons left for you to teach me
How to “be.”
“Oh you’re interesting.
Oh I’ll show you all about this.”
I wanted to be a safe space
Where you can rest…
Where you can end
Where you can begin again…
—-
Because
You are whole
You are still you
It may feel selfish
To cry
To say goodbye
But how grand it is
To know,
That you have danced
That you have given space
For someone else’s dance
For someone else’s prayer
And breakfast
For someone to rest
And see their god
From your porch
For someone
To be able to say goodbye
So they can begin again.

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

Left (30 for 30 #2)

God bless
Whatever is left
To those of us
undone
Burned in and out
Loaded anxieties
You get whatever is left of me
———///
30 for 30
Lines across a paper
Memory
We can’t go back
We can’t go back
We can’t go back
——
You can’t
Change what you know
It’s all of these loaded roads
Loaded thoughts
Loaded shots
——-
Get it out
Move forward
The next thing will be
The next level will be
You will
We will
——
And these thoughts
Wrap around my mind
Like echoes from a weather siren
After the desolation
There in the quiet
You can’t fight it
But it’s a shadow
Six strings down
Under anxiety
Cursed words
We couldn’t understand
But it cuts deep
There in the end
——

——
God bless
Whatever is left
To those of us
undone
Burned in and out
Loaded anxieties
You get whatever is left of me
———///
30 for 30
Lines across paper

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

Hid away

the yellow room

cold concrete

sun won’t talk with the moon today

The stars still hide

Because they saw your face

eyes still burn

Looking in

Cold hearted devil…

Overcast, my soul

My strength just turns away

Ash in my lung

Coals on my tongue

Walk me to the end of the road

Where we buried letters

all of our secrets

The dirt crumbles

Dry in your hands

I still keep them

And our names

And what we do

Just fades…

Remember me

Morning youth

I wake up to the morning sky

Foggy

Overcast

Thick

Of memory

Grey and lit with shadows

Overcast dreams

Nightmares

Of wrong and write

I see the light

And tell myself everything is O.K.

Get up

Come on up

Didn’t they tell you

History is written

Remembered

By those who win?

These fading chords

Bleeding ink

Words on paper

Are just tomorrow’s memory

Did you read between the lines?

The love letters in the margins?

“Will you remember me?”

“Not like I used to…”

Come on up

The cards have been dealt

I pour my tea

I sit and write

Here inside

The morning light….

Moons (30 for 30)

And the sky moves quicker than my breath,

She woke up feeling older

how do you know,

Where the flowers go when the snow falls?

Only that they return in spring…

And the shadows fall

Filling these empty halls

Can we fix these broken things?

She said all her hope was gone

All her heart was wrong

I sat there waiting

maybe it all comes back around

And if it’s not when you feel it should be

Remember,

Some, things, love

Always the strong things …

grow

Only

in the moonlight

And the daylight won’t know who you are …

But at night

Under the stars

In the quiet

You will feel your heart heal

And your strength grow

Birth Pains

She says she’s ready to move now

She says she feels like she’s suffocating in this town

She says the whole world is coming down

How big is it to you now?

Is it larger than this here and now?

There is a place in the world

For the angry young woman

just like the place for the angry young man

We both will grow old being miss understood

And we will both pass rage

And fall into different points of view

What did you leave behind

What did you really reach for?

Touched by your honesty

Moved by your authenticity

Pushed by your energy

Stretch

Get up off the floor

Grow

The ink turns to blood

The sky is filled with pain

Let your strength spread its wings and take over

Shape shifter

Another day begins

You’re already wore down

And all the headlines say

It’s all coming down

Here comes an opening

They’re going to make a scene

Hold your breath

It’s anything but clean

Here at the butchers floor

Born from blood after all of this time

(They’ll cut your tongue and sell it to you if you give them time)

I don’t want to see it

I don’t know that we will make it

Stop feeding it

And everyone knows

What everyone knows

We’ve already seen the big scene

It’s gone from the east side

To the west side

The south made a banner out of it

And before we can say anything about it

It’s playing behind us – with praise

The daylight won’t wash your sins away

The ride of your life

How will we look back on it?

Will you silence it?

Will you censor it?

Will you ignore it?

How will we evolve from it?

The daylight breaks the lies

Inside the skies

And the rain will fall

Make good art

In the middle of it

Make good art

When your love is about to fall

Make good art

In the middle of the pain

Make good art

Make your art

And rise above these times

What have we won

If we only breathe

The same lines….

Seasons of Wither

Hard sky

Come on and guide us

this season is over

Drink liquid Novocain

It’s only

For the pain

said she was ready to give you the finger

Can’t figure it out

What we’re all about

The back of her mind

Your changing your faces all of the ti-

You’ll get yours in good time

Bring us to the water

Baptize us in fire

Where does our sins go in seasons of wither ?

Whatever happened to the sound when the nail hits?

Born from the front of the line

The fuss

The cuss

Teach us to slither

Teach us to wither

It’s harvest season behind her eyes

And all and all

It’s about time

The end of time

Oh but I’ve bought mine

Made it on my own

We’re all out of –

Buy me more –

She gave the world the finger

Going in

Coming out

What’s the fuss all about

Figured it out

Just as we we’re going out

Put the stones away

She’s figured you out

And maybe we’re all out

Of –

Can’t buy me –

Teach me to slither

Baptize me in fire

Bring us to water

Photo origin unknown