The space for you… The rituals The beginnings The books, the prayers, the happiness, There are so many celebrations For beginnings… Prom College Marriage Children Careers Home —— And yet —- Endings ——- We stumble through It can go on for years Love letters And cakes Easter egg hunts on sundays Turn to words That shadow our thoughts Like the echo of sirens in the city There is hurt here… That we all have felt Familiar Ache and Loneliness But we are not alone You are still you You are still whole You deserve a ritual for this ending You are my relationship This community share —— She said she wanted to be happy and loved and not sad She wanted all the things … She had tried prayer She had tried meditations She had tried it all —- Maybe, she said, maybe, sadness, is just as big in us, as happiness, maybe endings, are just as big as beginnings, knowing when to let go, when to be gentle, when to leave, When to just sit with it… Get to know it And us Like Jimmy Stewart and Harvey —— Maybe we try to hide these parts of ourselves, because … It says there is hurt here There is ache here When, by all appearances Things should be well… Whatever that means… She said She did all the right things And she still feels alone …. We have children, telling us what true love is… Religion telling us to wait The physical act, Something so powerful and so insignificant … It keeps us from knowing such a deep part of ourselves… And our daughters our children Are loved badly In the beds of lovers who don’t even know…
I thought about how l have surely hurt Trying not to hurt … How I’ve held to words that hurt me … And tried to be colder Because it is all so legal The ending… Cut down to a signature And a transaction … And in other ways so religious But none of it human None of it Just says Here, I feel you, I’m here with you, And when you mess up trying to navigate this, I will still be here… —— I wanted a love that was giving the last warmth … The last ember… on the coldest night … After a lifetime of knowing me… Of knowing there is nothing left for me to give… There is no surprises hidden… No potential… No lessons left for you to teach me How to “be.” “Oh you’re interesting. Oh I’ll show you all about this.” I wanted to be a safe space Where you can rest… Where you can end Where you can begin again… —- Because You are whole You are still you It may feel selfish To cry To say goodbye But how grand it is To know, That you have danced That you have given space For someone else’s dance For someone else’s prayer And breakfast For someone to rest And see their god From your porch For someone To be able to say goodbye So they can begin again.
God bless Whatever is left To those of us undone Burned in and out Loaded anxieties You get whatever is left of me ———/// 30 for 30 Lines across a paper Memory We can’t go back We can’t go back We can’t go back —— You can’t Change what you know It’s all of these loaded roads Loaded thoughts Loaded shots ——- Get it out Move forward The next thing will be The next level will be You will We will —— And these thoughts Wrap around my mind Like echoes from a weather siren After the desolation There in the quiet You can’t fight it But it’s a shadow Six strings down Under anxiety Cursed words We couldn’t understand But it cuts deep There in the end ——
—— God bless Whatever is left To those of us undone Burned in and out Loaded anxieties You get whatever is left of me ———/// 30 for 30 Lines across paper