“What’s up stoopid.”
Tara sat down across from me, her brown hair blocking the clock on the church across the street. Fortunately , part of the sun as well.
“What is that brain working on now? Who brings a book to a bar anyway?”
I stared. what do you want Tara?
I had to admit, it felt weird coming back home…the mills closed. Empty buildings, like coffins, waiting for their dead or a hotel with empty floors…just shadows of memory.
Tara smiled, lit a cigarette,
You know, you have to be 21 now.
Hey, we‘re all older.
I closed my book.
Asking myself why I came back home…but I really, already knew.
Maybe that was what bothered me.
Tara hadn’t changed that much. She had a way of moving through the weights and the hard moments. Seemingly unscathed.
I was not so lucky.
I took a breath. Feeling flashes of my childhood walking past me in the street.
It was raining sideways
The night I died
Built above ground
The concrete floors
The open walls
The 45 acres of woods
The curly horned monster
Wandered the woods
Only when the fog came out
They said he gathered up children
And brought them back to his house in the woods …
His raven flew ahead and spotted his catch …
The night I died
The waters rose in the creek
A tornado climbed the mountain
The curly horned monster
Stood in the pasture
A wide eyed owl
Sat outside my window
Staring at me
Beside the yellow room…
I heard the witch
Walking in the hall
As she smiled
In the corner of the room…
The good the bad and the in-between. We can’t be up all the time and we won’t be down either.
I wonder, how many years I’ve lived with myself and if I ever let myself see myself.
I wonder how we slave away and put health on the side, when without health, nothing else is ever attainable sustainable.
How many people have I known, who are here Monday and gone Thursday…and we never prepare…
We are so bold and so demanding of our time and place in the universe…that we are taking up space rather than sharing space…
I just want to sleep and I just want to live like fluid
Observing and knowing
And I want to leave you better than I met you…
So many of us put away our core
In the attic with our dreams
And our peace
And we pretend and live quiet lives of discontent
And we hope one day
We will forget
What it was like to share space
Who burns at the same temp as you
And what it was like to be at peace
Know you were understood even when you said nothing…
I know I can’t change the world
I just want to be able to live in it.
You know the question
“If you were on a island what would you want with you…”
And some guy always says a “fork, spork”
Yada yada and a reader wants a book and someone else wants the will to live and it goes on and on…
I would want the guy that discovered you could get milk from almonds.
That’s my kind of survival. I mean, I couldn’t drink it. But that’s not the point.
Think about what kind of person looks at an almond, or rice, or grain and says….you know, I bet I could drink that.
And then someone else yells out
Yeah well, what can you do with this potato…
That’s where the vices really started.
Seriously though, that’s my kind of thinking
I don’t want to be the guy that’s under it all the time. Unable to get ahead or stay positive.
Let’s plan ahead and set a goal. Let’s get out there and stop complaining and just start focusing on the details. The small things. Our interactions with people.
I like to think it all adds up. Maybe that’s what makes a life or a week.
We live for the weekend
But maybe, just maybe…
Even with all my flare ups getting tossed around like flags at a football game…
Maybe we can have that kind of resilience and really keep moving forward, ultimately making progress in the end.
It’s ok to be down
Just don’t stay there.
Spending the week
In a quiet retreat
To write and study Master Class.
I’m hoping to put some really new thoughts
We will see…
I don’t think I’m going to ask anything of 2020
I don’t want to make a list against myself or God or the universe…
I’m going to keep the same goals
Less processed foods
It’s in the details….
I’ve been writing more
And I’m getting a book published
So I’m working on more manuscripts
I’ve been learning music
So I will probably stay with that…
I’m not going to tell you what to do…
But if you’re not going to give yourself your best
What’s the point
Why love everyone else more
Or expect anything from a year
Or prime ….
Keep it together
And see where you are
How far you’ve come
It might feel the same
But when you look back
You ran it well
Shine a light
It’s the universe pulling you together
It’s there in the growing
You know, you’re going to be fine.
What else is there?