The One About Showers

I’m feeling very accomplished these days. I redid our bathroom. All of those years of watching HGTV really paid off. 

I didn’t break anything or flood anyone either. We have terrible water pressure. Which is astounding. Because every time Tim The Tool man upstairs touches anything he floods us. And I just stare at all the water pouring down the walls and ceiling, in Titanic proportions, and ask myself, how does this much water flood us and our pressure suck so bad? 

But alas! We spent vacation in a hotel once and I noticed their showers had huge heads and arched curtains so it felt larger. 

We had 

Which is ok if you’re an elf. But if you’re tall like me you take a shower like Will Ferrel in Elf. Which is not good. Especially if you want to shower with your wife. 

So I went and got an arched shower rod. Adding much space. And a shower head with an extension 

Like a glorious sunflower or rainfall. Sure the pressure is still rotten but at least it falls over me and not against my knees. 

And I didn’t break anything. Or flood anyone. Which is a win for everyone. 

The one about Stranger Things

I tried to write this as humorously as possible

It’s been a crazy week hasn’t it.

Kind of makes you wish you were still in 2016 just crying everyday over a new celebrity death. 

 I mean really. I know why they could only take aerial photos of the inauguration. All the cameras were at protest rallies. 

They’re so many. 

And if it were a Democrat in office. Everyone would be whispering “shhh calm down.” To their neighbours. Because this is the kind of behaviour that gets you martial law. 

But hell 

I bet the Republican does it first .

These are crazy times 

I’m not gonna lie 

Even comedians at this point are like “I got nothing man.” 

Everything is happening so fast 

And reality is stranger than fiction 

And then they told us that there is alternative fiction – which is actually – reality. 

I thought they meant Donald Trump had published his Twitter Feed and all of those executive orders were just book signings. I swear at one point I said…

“I’ve read that one. You remember it on his marketing campaign, the one with walls and hand gestures and then those  chapters with the pussy.”

I don’t even know where to begin 

I mean honestly 

This is really happening …

You can’t get upset about everything that’s what got us into this – crying and whining and trying to please everyone – apologising

Meanwhile a mad man closed the golden gates and replaced it with a golden Tower stamped with his name 

But hey, what did his voters say? What was that? 

“He doesn’t apologise. He says what he means”  I mean there weren’t that many of them. 

But don’t tell them that. 

They only watch “Faux” News 

So they genuinely believe they had a massive,historical,huge voter and inaugural turnout 

We could probably learn something from that. Kind of like when you were in high school, and the girl went for some other guy and you were like …”but why??”

And she said ” he doesn’t apologize” we all know she felt differently years later when he hit her but still…

Forget about it 

I was homeschooled 

I was outside holding up leaves saying 

“Look what Jesus did.” 

I don’t know anything about high school 

What I’m saying is we’ve got work to do. 

The south generally likes to think of our country as a “Christian nation.” 

We’ve made great leaps 

thank you Obama 

We don’t teach “abstinence only”

In schools anymore 

And generally we all are open minded – we changed our minds about things and we all are very much progressive.

Because since when is withholding 

Information a good idea or road to understanding …

Oh yeah. Sorry EPA and Science community. You guys can just buff out these scars on the earth in four years right? Just throw some Miracle Grow  on it or something??

Yeah

I am all for rebuilding our infrastructure- it’s not like it wasn’t on Obama’s list of things to do though.  And even tuning up healthcare but hey some of these methods are insane 

Just imagine if the numbers of people who will be without healthcare-and likely die- were going to be without guns instead …

Republicans would dig up Ronald Reagan (he would be surprised by their affinity for Russia) and use his bones for witch craft. The protest would be over night. 

But guns aren’t on the table 

Just human lives 

But they’ve already been “born” so fuck them.

We’re not pro life 

Just postponed abortion 

We’ll give you 18 years and then give you a gun and send you off to war. 

Which brings us to freedom of religion 

Which also, means

Freedom from your religion 

If you want to tell me how we are a Christian only nation 

And immigrants are taking our jobs 

And it’s unsafe 

I’ll tell you your church is a cult 

Your children believe in a flat earth 

And careful, or your kid might get sex – ed  from children’s church 

But they won’t know what’s happening because hey, you just taught abstinence 

You didn’t actually give them information about their body or the science of sex 

 We’re all about going out 

Into the world 

Out there 

It’s the great commission right?

You would think at some point we would stop at the airport 

And notice the refugees 

And say

“You know what? I think it might be easier if we just stay here instead. Maybe open these gates a little wider. Help them learn English and get a job.” 

But we don’t do that 

Instead we make fun of their struggling second third or fourth language to our barely Uno 

And we campaign for a sadistic 

Racist

Sexist 

Xenophobic 

White man 

And then go to mission training programs 

Because that’s what Jesus would do…

The fact is 

We only love you 

If you stay over there 

Go back to Syria 

We don’t want your war torn hands 

On our church basketball court

We’ll send you a shoe box and a bible 

And make sure to make you pray to Jesus because that’s the most important thing 

We have a lot of learning to do 

At the end of the day 

If anything 

For the white ones of us 

We will learn 

To wake up

we have a civil duty 

We have to defend these liberties 

We can lose these 

We are a free society 

And we want you to be able to read your Muslim books on our planes 

And have a job 

And pray to whatever god you want 

Why? 

Because you become better doctors 

Better citizens 

And better scientists 

You know things that will be written 

That I need to read 

Why?

Because you CHOSE to come here 

Me?

I was just born here.

We will make it through this 

But a lot of us might not live through this 

And regardless 

Even if this is a good administration 

It won’t erase what it was run under 

And we won’t ever forget how it was defended 

And it won’t erase 

The fact that we made excuses 

For Syria 

And Syria could be any of us 

Syria doesn’t exist 

It’s gone 

There’s nothing to go back to 

In today’s climate 

Any one man government 

Can end the world for a nation 

Or the world 

Syria can be any of us 

It’s a crazy year 

And it’s just begun 

But hey 

The majority of us 

Are open minded 

Critical thinking people

And we want the best 

For everyone 

And we want them to have 

Opportunity 

And equality 

And freedom 

Because 

We are a melting pot 

We’re still here

We are living among ghosts

Standing shoulder to shoulder 

Touched by their light 

At the far reaches of the universe 

There are stars sending us light 

By the time this light reaches us 

Their stars have long since, died

But their light goes before them

And there are galaxies 

That have lived for billions of years 

Watching as we evolve 

If you measure the expanse of their light…by 6500 years…it doesn’t add up…you would extinguish space…

You are light 

You are love 

Don’t let someone’s small mind 

Extinguish who-what-you are.

Don’t let them shut the windows and the light out of your house.

This weekend 

Seven continents marched 

Hold your head up high 

Hundreds of thousands of women and men 

Stand with you 

You are on the right side of history 

And laugh it off 

If you can 

A lot of these 

Who don’t understand 

Are all about going back to an original intent 

The 50s 

But hell 

They still believe the earth is flat so why stop there

Just go all the way to the 1650s 

And they might not be able to tell a lie

But they have blank binders full of alternative facts…

And they are here to protect you from hoaxes 

Such as the EPA and Climate Change and The Globe Earth

Cry it off if you can 

Why are we marching ? 

Because you’ve only been able to vote for half a century 

And you are not protected by our constitution 

One executive order 

One mandate 

And you would lose your right to vote 

You would become once again 

Property

Because ten white men shouldn’t be able to alter your health care 

Because women’s rights are human rights 

And they can believe whatever they want 

But to look at someone else 

And pass laws against them 

Because they don’t believe the same 

That’s why we march 

keep walking forward
You are not 

An item on an agenda 

A helpmate 

Or less

You are a woman 

You are your own 

Seven continents stand with you 

History stands with you 

I stand with you. 

And we’re still here.

-Regardingsamel.com 

The Quiet Heart 

The 

Quiet 

 running 

Of my heartbeat 

My eyes struggle 

To find anchor 

This is what we – I -was

Afraid of 

Out of sight 

The night 

That held  the moment 

The double breathing 

Shuddering 

In my 

Chest 

And I 

Remember it 

The phone in my hand 

Your voice on the  end 

And I can’t get to you 

But I feel it 
You had your seizure 

Before I could call 

Before I could hold you 

It was a moment 

And now it’s gone 

But I feel it strong 

You right there 

Alone 

– Regarding Samuel.com 

Causes 

I made a new page under the menu tab: Causes . You can access it anytime. 

Causes

I know 2016 was hard. Really really hard. And the overwhelming feeling of what can I do to help? The need to speak out and blog about it is strong. And yes, those things matter. But it is also important to keep our focus and give. We can donate to these causes, these things that matter to us. They are going to need us to support them just as much as speak up for them.

We can’t just fall into a fetal position and give up. We must keep going and handle every hurtle one by one. That’s how success is won. That’s how progress is made. We can’t give up. You matter. We matter. Our future matters.

Give today. Or as often as you can. Every little bit helps.

Center for Reproductive Rights The Center for Reproductive Rights uses the law to advance reproductive freedom as a fundamental human right that all governments are legally obligated to protect, respect, and fulfill. 

Natural Resources Defense Council  The debate is over. Climate change is real. Join the fight for our future.

Planned Parenthood These clinics provide women with access to health screenings and supplies as well as birth control (which is used for more than just birth control) Many of which can’t afford it or have no where else to go. 

International Refugee Assistance Project We have to take care of eachother. We are all neighbours.

NAACP Legal Defense Fund Simply the best because they’ve been here from the beginning. Fighting for your civil rights and equality for minorities.

The Trevor Project Founded in 1998 by the creators of the Academy Award®-winning short film TREVOR, The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) young people.

In the wake of fake news and social media. You need to support real news. Donate to Your local public radio NPR. Or Get a subscription to the New York Times or the Washington Post.

Stop relying on FB.

And lastly

The ASPCA

The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals® was the first humane society to be established in North America and is, today, one of the largest in the world.

We are their voice. Donate or adopt your next pet.

Thank you for all you do.

-Ethan 

Equal 

Image origin unknown

What is it you see in a woman?

Maybe it’s her curves 

These lines we’ve been trying 

To iron out 

Through culture 

For centuries 

Equal Means Equal

But we’re not equal image origin unknown 

This isn’t a poem about why I’m a feminist 

Or how great it is that I’m a guy 

Or what it’s like in my experience 

This 

This is a poem 

About my wife …

The fact that even after all this time …

She’s not equal to me 

She starts out getting paid less than me for the same job

How can she ever get ahead?

She is not protected by our Constitution

Her freedom and equality 

Can be altered or repealed 

In a day

Women’s rights are human rights 

I read a story about a woman in another country fighting for her right to know her own body to know how to orgasm 

Men didn’t learn about their wives bodies and they really didn’t care whether they ever had pleasure or not. 

It’s not too far different here 

We’ve come all this way 

And we think we know a lot 

But we really only know 

A lot about what our culture 

Believes about things 

Just in the 90s we recognized marital rape as rape 

And yes- we don’t consider women as property on our papers anymore 

But we still want them to be homemakers 

Or daughters and mothers 

Trophy wives 

Making our sons look good 

A child has to be raped before it can have control of its own body 

This is decided by business men in Washington 

Contraceptives shouldn’t be covered by insurance because women shouldn’t enjoy sex

If they do have sex they should get pregnant

Forced birth 

This is decided by men in Washington 

When she is raped 

They get off free 

Because boys will be boys 

And they can run with a football 

And they still have a whole life to live-let’s not ruin it

Forget that her body was violated 

Her safe space 

Her mind 

Her temple 

The years of nightmares 

I can sue over spilled coffee 

But women can be raped and no one bats an eye….

We have a problem 

When we condemn women for reading works of fiction 

That have fake content 

And put men in power who are real 

And damaging 

And can alter their lives,safety and experience in society

I will say again 

I want a world 

Where my wife can live 

With peace of mind 

I want her to be safe 

I want her to be as free as me 

To be able to reach for whatever she dreams 

Women’s rights are human rights 

Why are we still fighting this battle? 

Maybe we’re just trying to iron out the curves

I think I want to write about you

I think I can forget all the rest 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry we didn’t fight harder 

I’m sorry we’re still fighting for this 

We’ve come too far to go backwards 

I want – when I’m gone – for you to be able to live well. 

And if we should have a daughter 

I want her to be able to do all the same things our son would do. Without question. Even in her mothers high heels. 

-Ethan 

Don’t light up the  Christmas tree,grandma. There’s a drought going on. 

We decorated for Halloween by taping the candy to the door and letting everyone just take it. It was pretty great. 
It was also 90 degrees. 

On this day. November the 5th, it was 70 degrees. That is the coolest it has been all year. There has been a whopping zero percent chance of rain all summer. 

See, zero.  Do you know how insane that is? That’s  “Nope. It ain’t gonna happen. Don’t even look for it. If you think you saw it, you didn’t. Because it’s not there. They don’t even have the ingredients for it. ” 

That’s what zero is. It’s dry. 

Which incidentally, makes  it difficult to get excited for the Holidays. Just picture it…

Yeah, let’s grab some lights and hot chocolate with apple cider and bake a turkey. Put this funky sweater on. I don’t care how sweaty you are, this Wool and Corduroy will wick it right up, stop complaining, it’s only 94 outside. This family picture is going to happen! When I was little we had a blizzard to contend with. We were stuck inside with family for a week! Now be still so we can take this thing and go home so I can work on my tan!

This year is going to be great.

We did decorate for fall though. 

I also got some sick shoes as an early Christmas present. Because my wife is amazing. I went to see my younger brother and sister today. He wants a leggo set and to be old enough to purchase a rated M video game. 

My sister wants fuzzy socks.

And I just want to be able to remember where I put my keys and a day to do absolutely nothing with. 

Also, I would like it to rain. A lot. A steady rain for a week. You don’t realise how much you miss it, until it’s gone. Something I can watch  from my window. But that’s just the writer/reader in me. 

-Ethan