2020 #17

My dear,

My darling,

I’ve been carrying this weight…this image…of a future.

I always

Have a flare up when I feel something like this move through me…

Bobby Kennedy was assassinated on this June day 1968

I think it’s like James Baldwin said…

We easily forget how young everyone was then…

He met with Lorraine Hansberry and Baldwin in 1963

Author of raisin in the sun

Kennedy was only 38.

Lorraine would of course die at the age of 34… and Kennedy would be assassinated just 5 years later at the age of 43.

The Kennedys were appalled at the living conditions of black Americans. They were young and changing their minds about things. But like James said, this was the cost of segregation, it was a Great Wall between us. You never REALLY got to know eachother.

And you didn’t feel that you had a place set for you at the table for the American dream. You were an opportunity a pawn but you were not really represented. If you rose up and talked like white men you were dangerous.

A friend of mine wrote me and reflected that same emotion. That she always pretended we were the same but she’s afraid we are really not.

It’s not a race issue

It’s an apathy issue

A distance

We don’t want to know or see or hear.

We want the horrors to stay over there.

We are all brothers and sisters

Lovers

But we are so comfortable I don’t know that we would even be moved anymore…

Maybe we really do struggle with a mental fear, while black Americans live in the reality. The reality that these horrors are daily events and just a step away.

Bobby believed

And he changed his mind

He moved in those directions.

Darling,

I’m going to be 31 this year

I’m thinking about the youthfulness of these people…

I’m thinking about their ability to hold ideas

I’m thinking about all of the people and the youth we have already lost…

I’m believing we have hope

This is home to all of us

And this is America

Hang in there.

We must face ourselves.

So we can love eternal.

The Genius and Wisdom of Noel Gallagher

Happy Birthday Noel

If I can give you any advice, it’s this: every hour that you spend sat on the couch doing nothing, put it to good use, because when you have kids, an hour is like a lifetime.

“I had a stylist once. She was called mum and when I got to about 11 she got the sack. So no, I don’t have a stylist, and I find people that do have stylists – they’re just squares… Rock stars shouldn’t have stylists. I think it says a lot about you when you have one. You’ve given up. If you can’t dress yourself what are you?” 

“Even then I felt that it was the end of something rather than the beginning. It was the pre-digital age. It was the pre-talent show-reality tv age.

Things meant more.

It was just a great time to be alive.

We were about to enter into celebrity driven culture. And I’ve always thought that it was the last great gathering of the people before the birth of the internet. It’s no coincidence that things like that don’t happen anymore. 20 years ago The biggest musical phenomenon was a band that came from council estate, I just think in the times that we live, it would be unrepeatable. And we should be worried about that. Because where’s it going to be, 20 years from now? ”

– Noel Gallagher – Oasis Supersonic The Documentary.

On playing knebworth ’96 where 2.6 million people applied for tickets, 4% of the population.

James Bond Theme

“I would do it if I was asked. I would do it in a heartbeat. I could do it and it would be great, but I’m not a star and for that you have to be a big star. You have to be someone in America.” 

“We were the first people to come out and say, “The world’s a great place, life is for living. Forget grunge music. Get a pint of Guinness down your neck, and pick that guitar up.”

You can’t afford to think about what might have been. You just be aware of what is.

My first instinct when I write songs is not a negative one. It’s something positive… Everything I’ve ever done has some form of hope in it, I think.

You’ve just got to trust your instincts and realize that you can’t please all the people all the time. You’ve got to please yourself ultimately in the end.

Source http://www.contactmusic.com/noel-gallagher/quotes

Look Back

“Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

1. I know it hurts. I know it feels Overwhelming, right here, this year, that storm, this virus, your heart, past love, tomorrows horizon.

Look back

I remember the woods. The cold concrete floors. The bear. The deer. The mountain lion.

2. This is where I learned how to read.

3. Everyone has a childhood. Everyone has something they get over.

Remember you can remain solid and still grow, still change. You can move in and out from this. It’s a dance,

There’s room for you to grow into yourself. Light shines brighter in the dark.

Look back, see how far you’ve come. Only compare yourself to yourself.

It’s quiet, in the mornings…

I think about the time we danced in the kitchen, drinking coffee…

I think about all that I’ve seen

How everything is temporary,

Everything changes…

I’ve changed

We can’t go back

We’ve seen too much

Felt so much

We will never be the same

And that’s ok

We will never be right here again

Be gentle

Let yourself be here

Let yourself grow

2020 #3

Then I realised

Every living thing

Has those days

Where it’s like you’re

Pulled into the abyss

This void

Inside yourself

Outside of yourself

——-

You’re going to have really good days

And you’re going to have some of those days

It was encouraging for me

To understand

Everyone has a past

A ghost

A phantom pain

We all have this together

There is no perfection

——-

This was encouraging to me

To let this be

And do what I could with what I had

For the day

Knowing we all have something

And trying to be gentle

2020 #1

I remember when I was young

2020 seemed like it would be space aged

But it turned out more sci fi

And stranger than fiction

We didn’t get StarFleet

We got blade runner

Everyone’s experience is different

The essentials

Can only discuss among themselves

While drinking

Because it’s becoming part of them

And no one else gets it

While others stay at home

Some may be struggling

For food

For shelter

And others are ok

Enjoying this time

——-

I woke up this morning

I forced myself to get out of bed

In some strange way

I felt nothing at all

Strangely isolated from even myself

I fed my cat

And my dog

They both take naps with me

Looking back

I know I haven’t been to war

But it’s a different stress

A couple of months ago

People were not calling you a hero

You were nudged to go get a better career

Or looked down on

For not having ambition

Now

It’s these jobs

Nurses

Frontlines

They are this glue holding everything together

And they keep putting more and more on the table

But you wonder

Is any of this real

You work the same no matter what

You smile and you bear it

Every day you try and be better than you were yesterday …

And you worry about your team

——-

It’s not going to war

But it’s a mental war

Because you feel yourself changing

And you know when all of this

Is over

We all will be different

Some of us would have

Lost something, parts of ourselves

Jobs

Homes

Family

Someone we know

Someone we love

——-

Some of us would just be glad to be out again.

Some of us will be bitter

Some of us made more money than we ever have before

While others

Worked harder

And longer

For the same pay

Or

Our pay was cut

Raises froze

And hours cut

And some of us won’t have changed at all…

——

I stare into the mirror and I don’t see anything, anything at all. I can’t go to sleep unless it’s drinking myself to sleep….

I wonder if maybe all the things I thought were big deals were just my own bullshit…maybe I did fuck up my marriage, maybe I should have tried harder, maybe I don’t do well by myself, maybe I do use people and things and then throw them away…maybe I am my own enemy….

———

Some of us will be numb

Like a Veteran coming home

Because we didn’t stay home

We’ve been driving through the empty streets of our home towns

We’ve been watching our communities

Taking care of them

Since day one

Some of us will be numb

From what we’ve seen

And from what we had to give

And it will just take some time

For us to come back home to ourselves

Please understand

——-

I try to feel something

While I pour another drink

I watch the sunset and the storm roll in

I feel nothing

Yesterday

Hold those thoughts

That keep me away

While the lights

Echo my lonely fears

In the streets tonight

——-

They say the world

Keeps changing everyday

But I wake in the night

I feel the same

——-

Maybe we’re so much older

Maybe we’re so much younger

Maybe we’ve been here before

Pour me a drink

Don’t let me go

——

The summer is coming

These clouds won’t stay so grey

We can’t live out our hopes and dreams inside yesterday’s

Writer’s Log

I’m tired

We’re all tired

It’s a month in

Driving home through GA

The interstate was clear like thanksgiving ….

No, like the Iron Bowl

I’m glad for this mountain, this space…

But we have no real timeline

How is this sustainable ?

Maybe I’m just tired

I’m having a very different experience than most people

Being on the front lines if you will…

I just want to sleep

Drink

And write

If I could

I would drink and fuck my way through this but I can’t

And I already know I wouldn’t

I’m a giver

And I’m concerned

And I can’t sleep

It’s a month in

When all of this is over

They will open the bars

And the restaurants

The theatres

You won’t be able to get a seat

Then i will go into quarantine

And I will sleep

I will vacation at my home in the mountains

I will write

And I will sleep

When this is over

I will kiss you

And I will see you

All that we’ve become

Time may change us

And all that we’ve become

Suddenly all of the scars

The battle wounds

We’ve inflicted on one another

Pales in the light of this New

——-

I think about all that we know

All of you

And I think

How lucky I have been

To see all of us happy

All of us cry

To see us dancing

Drinking

Living

To see you singing

I think about all of us working the front lines

Those who are in face masks

How all you see are eyes

But you learn you can see a smile

Feel a smile

And

I think

How lucky I have been ….

To be alive for this…

To see you right now

We are together

Right now

In this night

You’re a good nurse

You’re a good neighbour

You’re a good person

Reaching out

Staying in

Keeping hope

We will live to fight another day

We will live to love

Another day

JFK JR

Paragraphs in number

I lay there

In the floor

Staring into the ceiling

Thinking about all that I took for granted

How abruptly it all stopped

How many times I said things like

“You can vent to me anytime. Or we can sit in silence.”

And how right now, you can’t even sit in silence and hold one another …

I think about reading to you

And how the silences were

I think about winter, when the snow is fresh and the ice has something to say, covering everything in the morning….

I still have so much to say

I’m afraid I don’t know how

I’m afraid for all of us

I’m just afraid

Live your life

Live it fully

The silences

The paragraphs

The breaks

Live it unashamedly

Live it fully

Every moment

The sadness

The pain

The joy

Live it

Be aware of it

Be aware of yourself

And this life

And your place in it

Let us not go silently

Alone

Let us go beautifully

Like falling stars

Aware of the time

And that all of this is brief

You’re doing it right

Stay

Stay

Live to fight so many more days

Let your souls light be like the morning, I have no doubt, after this midnight, we all will be moved by your rise…

Sketches from the heart of this wasteland

Oh where have

You been?

April your lips I have found

Your whispering voice

Echoes through the emptying streets

Of this town

Your shifting feet

Echoes through these trees

——-

And I saw

I saw it all fall

The world that we built

All that we had invested

Burned right in front of us

Is it enough

To keep us warm

When the winter comes?

How many ?

How many ?

——

The Joker dances in the streets

The street worker moves to the internet

The trees let go of all that they are holding

The grass grows

And it doesn’t consider us

The ocean crashes in

Whether or not I’m there to perceive it

——

And I wonder

Whether

They build their guns

They build their ships

They scheme their games

Building us up

Just to cut us down

——

Will our blood flood the empty streets

Whether we hold our breath

And pray for the rain ….

Will you even remember my name

——-

Hurl your banners

Your worst fear

April

You’re here

Now tell me my worth

Tell me my name

I’ve tasted your lips

Now show me the cards

Tell me your name….

Tell me the prophecy

Tell me

Who sketches the heart of this wasteland

——-

And in the valley

In kitchen

In the mountains

In hospital bed

In the living room

The rich

And the fallen

The guilty

The innocent

April turns her face

And we all hide our tears from this place ….