Iced Down

I could

Write you

A thousand lines

About the times

Tell you everything is changing

Better step up to

Plate your change

State your claim

—-

To the new reality

Starz

Coming out

Waving their banner

mind your manner

—-

Soul’s escaping

I’ve been working everyday

Since I was 6

Tell me what you know

All I know is it goes on

You take the good with the bad

And you make what you’ve got

You’re living and breathing social media hype

Tell me how many likes you get

For waking up to the sound of termites eating your window seal

Tell me again

How hot you’re not

You can do whatever you want

Don’t let them get to you

Push back

I write to kill

I kill to write

Tell you what I’m not

Broken

Shattered

You cannot burn a flame

Hotter than the soul in my eyes

It’s back

You cannot take that

I might put a lot

On the plate

But I’m not

Emptying myself like this again

She’s a hit

A hot star

She’s red

Full lips

Sex in heels

She’ll take your heart

Eat it in front of you

While riding you

Take your bad backseat

Tell me again about how hot you got it

Shoulda shoulda woulda

Look

Your dream is collapsing

You’ve got to roll the dice

Snap

Wake up

Hit the ground running

Times are what they are

Your cards on the table

Play what you’ve been dealt

Like it’s

The cards

You wanted

Tell me again how it’s going to end

Three steps forward one step back

Sounds like progress in the end

All this pain

All of this fight

You stay in it all night

Blow for blow

Victory

In the end

Text your frequent flyover miles

And Monday morning quarter backs

The play by play

You’re in the ring

This isn’t newsfeed

This isn’t story

This isn’t updates

This is reality

This is your life

It is what you make it

It goes on

Good with the bad

Everything passes

So be present

Be real

And

Make yourself proud

Just be here now

Storms

Feel this rain

Here in

The in-between

Shed these clothes

All of these

Designs

These expectations

Taste your skin

Your lips again

Legs over my shoulders

Memorize your body

I can still taste your lips

—-

Her eyes

Burn right through me

Her lips

Pull me

Back to her bed

I went down

To her alter

She’s the only God I’ll ever need

Burn right through these expectations

We have all night

Here in these storms

This lightning

This rain

This sweat

Our flame

I’ll stay here

memorize your body

Until you come apart

Until you come

Bleeding ink #1382

It feels like everything is interstate madness

—-

Not entirely out of control

But fast,

Fast decisions

Fast returns

While the construction is going on

—-

I think about the lives we live

My divorce

Other people’s lives

The impeachment

The loss of Kobe Bryant

Everything is sudden

And all at once

Cycles are finishing

Endings

New beginnings

—-

What is the dream?

How are you going to reach it?

What are you doing to get there?

Do you know how long it will take?

Time is an illusion anyway

Work on the dream

Love your people

Leave a legacy

Leave

a Legend

Nothing is guaranteed.

Leave people

And places

Better than you found them.

-Ethan

Irène

"feu dans le sang"

(Fire in the blood)

"l'attente est érotique"

(The wait is erotic)

I wonder what you wrote just for you?

Between the margins?

Inside your address book?

I wonder how your letters were?

How many did you throw away?

Did you have secret lines

Only one person would understand?

I just reached 30

You’re 39

I wish I could ask you how this goes

—-

where loss is

How it feels

Did you feel it coming?

Did you write regardless ?

—-

I feel this guilt, like acid in my chest,

When I think about the things I don’t say

I reserve the right to write whatever I want…

—-

Nothing is permanent

And I think about that heat

I think about that loss

Like words,forgotten unused…

How many did we lose?

—-

I pour her tea

She writes on the sides of the pages of her journal

She has a novel she’s working on

She doesn’t think she’ll finish it

We can hear them coming

And it occurs to us

You can hear and feel

Life around you this

Absurd chess game we try so hard at

love coming

storms coming

These boots coming

She won’t finish this novel…

She’s 39

feu dans le sang

I drink my tea

She’s here for a moment

I close my eyes

And

She’s gone

Like so many things

Blown away by a storm

The sun comes out

And I wonder

If we missed her,

I wonder how many more like her

We lost…

Quotes from

Irène Némirovsky

The Mill

The Bar.

“What’s up stoopid.”

Tara sat down across from me, her brown hair blocking the clock on the church across the street. Fortunately , part of the sun as well.

“What is that brain working on now? Who brings a book to a bar anyway?”

I stared. what do you want Tara?

I had to admit, it felt weird coming back home…the mills closed. Empty buildings, like coffins, waiting for their dead or a hotel with empty floors…just shadows of memory.

Tara smiled, lit a cigarette,

You know, you have to be 21 now.

Hey, we‘re all older.

She laughed.

I closed my book.

Asking myself why I came back home…but I really, already knew.

Maybe that was what bothered me.

Tara hadn’t changed that much. She had a way of moving through the weights and the hard moments. Seemingly unscathed.

I was not so lucky.

I took a breath. Feeling flashes of my childhood walking past me in the street.

Yellow Room (haunted October)

It was raining sideways

The night I died

I remember

The basement

Built above ground

The concrete floors

The open walls

The cold

The 45 acres of woods

Black bears

And deer

Eating

The curly horned monster

Wandered the woods

Only when the fog came out

They said he gathered up children

And brought them back to his house in the woods …

His raven flew ahead and spotted his catch …

The night I died

The waters rose in the creek

A tornado climbed the mountain

The curly horned monster

Stood in the pasture

A wide eyed owl

Sat outside my window

All night

Staring at me

Beside the yellow room…

I heard the witch

Walking in the hall

Her laughter

As she smiled

In the corner of the room…