Haunted October 2021 #1
Category: Haunted October
The last preacher (Haunted October)
Somewhere in the backwoods
Of Appalachia
Down a dark road
At the end of a zip code
Where internet lines
And WiFi cannot go….
Maybe out there….
Maybe there
There is still an understanding
That there is a faith
That reaches further
Than a hashtag
A faith that started
Way back in a Sunday school
Where you learned how to pray…
Do you remember?
Where you learned about Daniel and the Lions Den
Where you learned about the Apostle Paul…
Meeting God
I’m talking about
Something bigger than a newsfeed
Something bigger than NPR
Something quicker than an APP
I’m talking about something deeper
More moving
Than the current trend
Of pop culture billboard 100
——
I’m talking about the
Wake you up
In the middle of the night
Because your soul is being drawn to its knees
To pray for your brother
Your children
Because the enemy
The devil
Is come to steal kill and destroy
He is a liar ….
I’m talking about
Something bigger than
The next big thing
——–
God said
“Be not afraid.”
Why would he say that?
Unless there was something to be afraid of?
——–
I’m talking about an understanding
A deep understanding
In your soul
Your bones
A fire
To take back your peace and your home
The devil is a liar
He came to steal kill and destroy
But there is power in the,hashtag?
Self help?
Self work?
New thing?
No this is an old thing
This is a blood that was poured over the alter in heaven
This is a blood that understands
The earth will be cast away
It will be burned
This is all temporary
But this is something
That will raise you to stand up
And take back what’s yours
Tired
Tired
of
The suicides
The overdoses
The depressions
The lies
The lies
The lies
——-
He didn’t say
Ask
If you could just start another group
Another support group
Another
Me
And mine
Social commentary
——–
This is all temporary
We are made of star stuff
Meant to return to the heavens
And
I’m ready
For a get back what’s yours
Shake off the enemy
Stop trying to impress
And not offend
I’m talking about you on your knees
Because you’ve seen defeat
You’ve been surrounded
You’ve lost too much
You can’t go back
You’re not the same
And you see the face of God
And you raise up a new standard
With fire in your bones
And God moves over your house
Like fire from the heavens
And burns the foundations
And the dust beneath it
——-
I’m talking about a Gospel that lasted through concentration camps
I’m talking about a
Gospel that ran on hymns
Written on the shore
From the soul
From the sorrow
From the need
Like a cry in the middle of the night
You can’t replace
“I need thee every hour…”
“It is well with my soul.”
You can’t replace that with five writers and a pop station
Give me something with power
When I’m alone
At night
And the enemy is whispering in my ear
“You know you’re a failure
You should just kill your self
You’re nothing
You’re nobody
Nobody loves you
You’re a failure and a quitter.”
Give me something with power
That can meet me there
In the night.
Because a pop station
And a yogurt shop
Isn’t going to save my soul
“At the cross at the cross ….”
“His name is Jesus.”
Somewhere there is a remnant
That still remains
That hears his voice
And prays
——–
Prays for their co workers
Prays for their friends
Prays for their community
Prays for their country
Prays
Prays
Prays
I’m talking about knowing God.
Not knowing thyself
Self help
Me me me mine
I
“Lights shine every where we go
It’s so bright and happy.”
I’m not talking about that
I’m talking about a kind of knowing
That helped our grandparents through concentration camps
I’m talking about
A fire
That helped the martyred church
I’m talking about not being liked
But being sustained in spirit
And caring less
And living more.
Through knowing
Knowing God.
I don’t know that we are ready
I don’t know that we are ready
God
Help me to be ready.
Haunted October (ghost)
A stillness in the back of your voice
The weight of the words
All the images of me
Inside this violent heart
—–
Is there room here?
For growth
Is there room here
For something more
Than this pain
The rooms with empty ghost
Of what we used to hold
Of what we used to….
——
I still recall …..
——-
The shadows inside this heart
——
I still recall the way….
——
And everything changes
Everything rearranges
Is there room
For something else
——-
I have no words
Only memory
Only
Only
She stands in the doorway
My ghostly past
She reminds me of my failures
And how soon we can recollect
Just to disassemble
Just to burn
She reminds me
Everywhere I look
I remember
I’m fading
And I’m
Only
Only
Haunted October (quiet)
– I’m not happy
She said it quietly, almost as if to herself more than to me or in conversation.
– You’re not ?
– No I’m not. I’ve not been for sometime. When we are together, which is rare, all I do is cry. And we fight. Or he’s not even there at all. There’s nothing worse than feeling invisible. Hollowed out. I’m more than a face, you know? I’m so much more than that.
– What are you going to do?
— shit. Shit shit shit. I just want to be desired. I want someone to think of me first thing in the morning and just before they go to sleep. I want to be desired. Not taken for granted. Not assumed. Not controlled. Just ….desired. You know what I mean right?
– Hey, you’re fine. Everyone wants a poets gaze but,
– Without the poet.
She lit a cigarette
I poured another drink
Neither of us knew what we were going to do….
I looked out the window
It was raining
Stillness (Haunted October )
The heart starts and stops
The head bangs like a drum
The mind wanders
Down its darkened corridors
Its languished tragedy
Its possessed death
—–
What are we
Where are we
What did we want to be
——
Do you remember?
—–
The hallway closes
The echo of feet
The whispering children
The tomorrow
The desire
never fulfilled never attained
Ragged breath
Hollow eyes
Darkness never minds
Haunted October (2020)
I dreamed I was having a beer with the devil. The bar was empty, it was just us, and the bartenders…
So how are you feeling
I sat there, saying nothing. Listening, feeling the room. Knowing there was something else there as well.
It’s so easy, you know, to dismiss, all of …this…(he waved his hand gesturing) this God thing. Don’t you think? But with a year like …this…you really outdid yourselves.
-what do you mean?
Oh, this? I had nothing to do with this. You should ask that guy, he’s been here the whole time.
He pointed across the room. A shadow sighs, and steps into the light. His eyes are tired. He looks about my age. I didn’t understand.
I told you last time, you think you’re so righteous and self important. When you’re just vain. People serve themselves. You can’t win. Not when they can get immediate satisfaction. And the best part? I didn’t even have to do anything. You, you did this yourselves. With your toys. Your free will and creativity. The worlds you built yourselves with social media…
You’re all little gods…
With your own personal Genesis…but you’re destroying your worlds…and there’s only hell here. They forgot that…didn’t they…every paradise has a hell. Where else do you put the misfits? The rebels…
Your Guard knows…
(He motions to the figure.)
I don’t know him, I’ve never seen him.
I shook my head
Oh but you do, he’s been with you the whole time, and all these dreams you’ve had? “Past lives” that’s just his previous assignments. stories if you will. Isn’t it cute how you prayed for him to win battles when you were growing up?
I drank my beer and looked at him again. He looked tired.
Oh he’s not almighty no. He has a branch of banks. They’ve been here the whole time. And he makes withdrawals so he can blend in and live. But he is a warrior. Vietnam, WWll he’s even seen the future.
I thought he wasn’t almighty?
Listen, we can move through time but we can’t make the Mona Lisa appear out of pizza.
My point is, I’m not to blame here and if you think it’s going to get better. You should really see the future. It’s a real kicker. An X-File if you will. Everyone wants to blame me. But the truth is. The things you’re afraid of? The darkness you pray to keep out at night? It’s inside you. It always has been. And that’s what scares you. You and me? We’re not even the same. I wanted to be God. But you guys, you guys wanted to kill God.
The room grew cold.
My glass chilled.
I looked around
The room was filled with people again. Everyone was on their phones. Reading their own profiles, their own newsfeeds.
I closed my eyes and thought about the past. Tried to grab hold of something that was textured and pure. No, sure. Something sure. . .
Believing in god was easy. Or at least in something more. When you had seen a storm or a fire.
The chaos. I watched all of the college students…Anne sat down. She was saying something to me, something about breaking up with someone. “There’s just too many options, too many people in the world…I’m keeping my options open. Who tells anyone that they’re the best thing that’s happened to them this year? That’s lame and now standards.”
I smiled…we were shot through. Our parents fought and died and we were bankrupt. I thought about sitting outside watching the city getting bombed …or maybe it was another dream. There was another girl there …she was a dancer…we were drinking and watching the fires…
I wondered how soon we all would realise that we’re lucky to meet anyone that really looks past their own nose and sees us. Really …really sees us. And I thought about how poor we were. And how happy we were. And I thought about how empty we all are…constantly reinventing ourselves chasing change until we die.
Yellow Room (haunted October)
It was raining sideways
The night I died
I remember
The basement
Built above ground
The concrete floors
The open walls
The cold
The 45 acres of woods
Black bears
And deer
Eating
The curly horned monster
Wandered the woods
Only when the fog came out
They said he gathered up children
And brought them back to his house in the woods …
His raven flew ahead and spotted his catch …
The night I died
The waters rose in the creek
A tornado climbed the mountain
The curly horned monster
Stood in the pasture
A wide eyed owl
Sat outside my window
All night
Staring at me
Beside the yellow room…
I heard the witch
Walking in the hall
Her laughter
As she smiled
In the corner of the room…
Haunted October (2019)
It stood there
After climbing the broken glass
Clothes torn from the wreckage
Staring into the headlights
Before collapsing to the ground
***
There was no grappling
There was no struggle –
No grasping
No, that came, always, from the living
Those waving their arms into the night- stopping traffic- attempting to stop time
As the blood filled the cracks in the interstate
***
It wasn’t like the movies
Or the songs
It just, was.
You just are. Until you’re not.
Like picking fruit
Someone steals you away…
One moment
The star burning
The next
The space
Empty between them
With no time to prepare
***
Only the living are burdened with it
Only the living cries out into the night
Only living things grow numb from the pain
Only the living
Only the living
Only the loving
I guess I am still living…
The moon Queen
They say, she left her heart open, in the rain…
Every Tuesday
She would pick her flowers
And write her songs
No one knows much about her
What she really thought
How she felt about things
They only remember her sadness and her tragedy
I like to think
I know what she felt,
Some nights
At 3am
I can hear her playing the piano
Its music fills the halls upstairs
Some nights
When the moon is full
And melancholy
You can see her window open
Her wide, deep, dark eyes
And her blue dress
Sometimes it’s white
But she’s only there for a minute
And then she’s gone
You might see her at the top of the stairs
Or entering someone’s room
Trying to find something she’s left behind
I’ve seen some of her paintings
Some of her sketches
And heard her songs
I think I know what it must have felt like
To be filled so full
And not know
How to express it
To feel so alone
Like an outsider
Maybe she’s still trying to work it out….
They say
You feel the fear
And the terror
If you see her face though
The pain of dying
The air turns cold
I don’t believe it
I think you see the emptiness inside of yourself
No one knows what really happened to her
Her letters
Still show up under my door
That’s when I find her paintings
Inside empty rooms
Sometimes they’re in the park
I’ve seen her walking
When the moon is full
And the fog is down,
I don’t know why she talks to me
Maybe it’s because we are both alone
Filled with things to say
And unsure of how to say them
Maybe it never goes away
Maybe it doesn’t ever let go,
Maybe we just keep on trying
Even after we’re gone….
I don’t know her name
I only call her the moon queen….
Haunted October #8
He remembered the streets
The businesses coming and going
The lights
The finances
The music
The cars.
He had been a part of all of that
Helped build that
But now everything was a phone
Or an app
And everyone was glued to their hands.
He had a wet bar
Every night
He would pour a drink
As much as he wanted, he could never smoke and drink together.
He saw the City change.
And somehow he disappeared. Like all of those businesses. Those start ups.
He looked in the mirror. His skin and his gray hair. He was invisible even to himself.
The years fly by like rain in the wind.
And there is something painful about growing old. No one ever tells you. Or maybe they did tell you, they were just part of that elderly chasm and you never heard them.
After you reach a certain age. You become invisible. No one really hears you and no one really sees you. Not like they used to.
They just group you all together, like a pile of dead leaves raked together and forgotten.
Sometimes he wondered what happened and how it changed so fast. One minute he was young and finishing college. The next morning he was so old he could barely get out of bed. 
Regarding Samuel 