I prop myself against the sunrise
And I close my eyes
Hoping I do not wake
———
I can not gather the strength
To face another day
Inside this night
Where everything stays the same
———-
The humm of the noise
The faces that float like smoke
The mind like bran
Just blows out
———
Don’t let me wake
Hold those thoughts
That keep me away
While the lights
Echo my lonely fears
In the streets tonight
——-
They say the world
Keeps changing everyday
But I wake in the night
I feel the same
——-
Maybe we’re so much older
Maybe we’re so much younger
Maybe we’ve been here before
Pour me a drink
Don’t let me go
——
The summer is coming
These clouds won’t stay so grey
We can’t live out our hopes and dreams inside yesterday’s
I’m tired
We’re all tired
It’s a month in
Driving home through GA
The interstate was clear like thanksgiving ….
No, like the Iron Bowl
I’m glad for this mountain, this space…
But we have no real timeline
How is this sustainable ?
Maybe I’m just tired
I’m having a very different experience than most people
Being on the front lines if you will…
I just want to sleep
Drink
And write
If I could
I would drink and fuck my way through this but I can’t
And I already know I wouldn’t
I’m a giver
And I’m concerned
And I can’t sleep
It’s a month in
When all of this is over
They will open the bars
And the restaurants
The theatres
You won’t be able to get a seat
Then i will go into quarantine
And I will sleep
I will vacation at my home in the mountains
I will write
And I will sleep
When this is over
I will kiss you
And I will see you
Time may change us
And all that we’ve become
Suddenly all of the scars
The battle wounds
We’ve inflicted on one another
Pales in the light of this New
——-
I think about all that we know
All of you
And I think
How lucky I have been
To see all of us happy
All of us cry
To see us dancing
Drinking
Living
To see you singing
I think about all of us working the front lines
Those who are in face masks
How all you see are eyes
But you learn you can see a smile
Feel a smile
And
I think
How lucky I have been ….
To be alive for this…
To see you right now
We are together
Right now
In this night
You’re a good nurse
You’re a good neighbour
You’re a good person
Reaching out
Staying in
Keeping hope
We will live to fight another day
We will live to love
Another day
I lay there
In the floor
Staring into the ceiling
Thinking about all that I took for granted
How abruptly it all stopped
How many times I said things like
“You can vent to me anytime. Or we can sit in silence.”
And how right now, you can’t even sit in silence and hold one another …
I think about reading to you
And how the silences were
I think about winter, when the snow is fresh and the ice has something to say, covering everything in the morning….
I still have so much to say
I’m afraid I don’t know how
I’m afraid for all of us
I’m just afraid
Live your life
Live it fully
The silences
The paragraphs
The breaks
Live it unashamedly
Live it fully
Every moment
The sadness
The pain
The joy
Live it
Be aware of it
Be aware of yourself
And this life
And your place in it
Let us not go silently
Alone
Let us go beautifully
Like falling stars
Aware of the time
And that all of this is brief
You’re doing it right
Stay
Stay
Live to fight so many more days
Let your souls light be like the morning, I have no doubt, after this midnight, we all will be moved by your rise…
Oh where have
You been?
April your lips I have found
Your whispering voice
Echoes through the emptying streets
Of this town
Your shifting feet
Echoes through these trees
——-
And I saw
I saw it all fall
The world that we built
All that we had invested
Burned right in front of us
Is it enough
To keep us warm
When the winter comes?
How many ?
How many ?
——
The Joker dances in the streets
The street worker moves to the internet
The trees let go of all that they are holding
The grass grows
And it doesn’t consider us
The ocean crashes in
Whether or not I’m there to perceive it
——
And I wonder
Whether
They build their guns
They build their ships
They scheme their games
Building us up
Just to cut us down
——
Will our blood flood the empty streets
Whether we hold our breath
And pray for the rain ….
Will you even remember my name
——-
Hurl your banners
Your worst fear
April
You’re here
Now tell me my worth
Tell me my name
I’ve tasted your lips
Now show me the cards
Tell me your name….
Tell me the prophecy
Tell me
Who sketches the heart of this wasteland
——-
And in the valley
In kitchen
In the mountains
In hospital bed
In the living room
The rich
And the fallen
The guilty
The innocent
April turns her face
And we all hide our tears from this place ….
When I feel the sadness crashing around my soul like waters
I just tell myself I don’t have control – I have to be ok in times of trouble, in times of sadness, in times of gladness, in time…
Time is shifting sand
It is never stable
I remind myself
Of spring and goodness
And new beginnings
And when the storm clouds rise
As they do in spring
And the lightning is flashing
I will remind myself again
Of all the goodness
And I will breathe
