Blue Skies Blue

Early one morning

With the blue skies blue

The morning somehow knew

—-

She turned around

She kissed me

She said we would be together another day

Another moon

—-

And all this time

The politics fell

Like an ax in a field

—-

Later I tried to find the words

In my mouth

They never came

—-

She said he packed his bags

He left

And she never really knew why

Pulling her shirt over her head

Lighting a third cigarette

The one who loves the most

Has the least power

So from here on out

She says, while kissing me…

She is going to love, just a little less than that….

—-

I ran in to him at a bar across town

Playing the blues, with a new harmonica now…

The sound isn’t quite right

He’s like a new orphan

In a new home

News travels slow

And faster than light

In this small town

But the headlines

Like headlights

Just give you the edge of the truth

—–

And I wonder if we ever really hear each other

Or if we are like that truth

Somewhere at the edges

Never really seeing

Never really hearing

Just comfortable

But not vulnerable

Maybe authenticity is a lie

Maybe we tried

—-

She packed her bags

She’s getting out

She says she’s never looking back

I smiled

Took another drink

Summer is hard

But winter can be very cruel

She said I was cruel

A fool

Wanting two lives

My diseased

And my art

I took a pen

Wrote a line

Looked for the corner with the bathroom

Felt a pain in my chest

It’s difficult when you know it’s over

It’s difficult even worse

Because I can’t separate my disease from life

I wish I could

—-

We sat together in the park

We felt a spark

We fell asleep

Holding hands

The hospital walls grew thin

The smell of life itself

Maybe in time

Everything heals

time is an illusion

Of security

But even so

15 or 20 years

We will be better prepared

For life itself

Women with men

Hearts on fire in the rain

We lost whatever we gained

Turn away

Our conversation

Is changed

We meet

Where we are

Fortune cards

In this marketplace

Social media in our face

Takes passions place

I give you 100 percent of my heart

Beyond this communication

Newsfeeds shaved her head

Crucified this love

They couldn’t see

Her 50 percent was 100 percent

All she had to give ….

And in night

Under the changing of the moon

The angels drink with the demons

And talk about how

The times are changing

But we are still the same

Racing in the rain

Trying to take the pain

Out of death

And keep our name

Morning by morning

The world was flawed

The work was flawed

Impractical

Opened

The flesh, bruised

We,

We were animals

Fighting ourselves

All of this life

All of this energy

All of this

Here and now

Blown in a moment

By the wind

Gone tomorrow

What was all of that hurry?

What was all of that anxiety ?

—-

Slow it down

I put the

Words on paper

My feelings

On fire

Scorch the edges

Framed by the shadow of your body

In the morning

—-

Morning by Morning

All of this passion

Slow it down

Thicker

Hotter

Slow it down

This energy

This

Heartbeat

This flame

One body

Flesh bruised

Lips on fire

The Morning runs away …

Photo origin unknown

New Tide

Looks a lot like giving up

Feels a lot like

You’ve had enough

Try to turn away

Like it’s no longer good enough

Take these hands that feel the earth

The breath I hold

Couldn’t hold the curse

Feet grounded in this clay

The water rises at the end of the day

This house still burned down

And it’s been swept clean

But the stain on my soul

And there’s ash in my throat

Her eyes like smoke

And her voice like rain

We’re knee deep in the pain

Still strutting

Getting hung up on lesser things

And I release

All the things

That never served me

I give them back to you

Photo origin unknown

Iced Down

I could

Write you

A thousand lines

About the times

Tell you everything is changing

Better step up to

Plate your change

State your claim

—-

To the new reality

Starz

Coming out

Waving their banner

mind your manner

—-

Soul’s escaping

I’ve been working everyday

Since I was 6

Tell me what you know

All I know is it goes on

You take the good with the bad

And you make what you’ve got

You’re living and breathing social media hype

Tell me how many likes you get

For waking up to the sound of termites eating your window seal

Tell me again

How hot you’re not

You can do whatever you want

Don’t let them get to you

Push back

I write to kill

I kill to write

Tell you what I’m not

Broken

Shattered

You cannot burn a flame

Hotter than the soul in my eyes

It’s back

You cannot take that

I might put a lot

On the plate

But I’m not

Emptying myself like this again

She’s a hit

A hot star

She’s red

Full lips

Sex in heels

She’ll take your heart

Eat it in front of you

While riding you

Take your bad backseat

Tell me again about how hot you got it

Shoulda shoulda woulda

Look

Your dream is collapsing

You’ve got to roll the dice

Snap

Wake up

Hit the ground running

Times are what they are

Your cards on the table

Play what you’ve been dealt

Like it’s

The cards

You wanted

Tell me again how it’s going to end

Three steps forward one step back

Sounds like progress in the end

All this pain

All of this fight

You stay in it all night

Blow for blow

Victory

In the end

Text your frequent flyover miles

And Monday morning quarter backs

The play by play

You’re in the ring

This isn’t newsfeed

This isn’t story

This isn’t updates

This is reality

This is your life

It is what you make it

It goes on

Good with the bad

Everything passes

So be present

Be real

And

Make yourself proud

Just be here now

Chasing Sleep

I unsubscribed from the news

The internet

The perfect

places

—–

I was strutting around

Like I owned the town

When I think back on it …

Now I feel this winter in my chest

I’m humbled to know so many people that love me

I know now

You can win and you can lose

And you can do both gracefully

—-

It feels like this weight

Pushing down on me

I’m running

And I can’t stop

And there’s a ledge

I know it’s there

But I can’t stop

—–

I know you can love

I’ve seen you do it

You just choose to love me poorly….

Maybe I choose too

I hear myself say, this is who I am…I’m good at loving people

I’m good at being here with you …

But then I hear you say

This is just who you are…

And I wonder

How we have the same defense

And

How we

Left the bedroom

Look at our weapons

Hidden away

Throughout this home

This is a battlefield

—-

I used to strut around like I knew something

Now I’m humbled

I’m not sure what I know

Even about myself

I reserve the right to write what I want

I’m coming home to myself

The trees are still asleep in the morning

Your skin is soft against mine

Your eyes say good morning

Long before your lips

Two souls

Anchored together

Like ships in the water

The moon is down

I feel your light

And you are beautiful

Beautiful

I used to know

What did I know

Now

I’m just thankful

To share this space with you

I can still taste your lips

Storms

Feel this rain

Here in

The in-between

Shed these clothes

All of these

Designs

These expectations

Taste your skin

Your lips again

Legs over my shoulders

Memorize your body

I can still taste your lips

—-

Her eyes

Burn right through me

Her lips

Pull me

Back to her bed

I went down

To her alter

She’s the only God I’ll ever need

Burn right through these expectations

We have all night

Here in these storms

This lightning

This rain

This sweat

Our flame

I’ll stay here

memorize your body

Until you come apart

Until you come

Irène

"feu dans le sang"

(Fire in the blood)

"l'attente est érotique"

(The wait is erotic)

I wonder what you wrote just for you?

Between the margins?

Inside your address book?

I wonder how your letters were?

How many did you throw away?

Did you have secret lines

Only one person would understand?

I just reached 30

You’re 39

I wish I could ask you how this goes

—-

where loss is

How it feels

Did you feel it coming?

Did you write regardless ?

—-

I feel this guilt, like acid in my chest,

When I think about the things I don’t say

I reserve the right to write whatever I want…

—-

Nothing is permanent

And I think about that heat

I think about that loss

Like words,forgotten unused…

How many did we lose?

—-

I pour her tea

She writes on the sides of the pages of her journal

She has a novel she’s working on

She doesn’t think she’ll finish it

We can hear them coming

And it occurs to us

You can hear and feel

Life around you this

Absurd chess game we try so hard at

love coming

storms coming

These boots coming

She won’t finish this novel…

She’s 39

feu dans le sang

I drink my tea

She’s here for a moment

I close my eyes

And

She’s gone

Like so many things

Blown away by a storm

The sun comes out

And I wonder

If we missed her,

I wonder how many more like her

We lost…

Quotes from

Irène Némirovsky