Blue Skies Blue

Early one morning

With the blue skies blue

The morning somehow knew

—-

She turned around

She kissed me

She said we would be together another day

Another moon

—-

And all this time

The politics fell

Like an ax in a field

—-

Later I tried to find the words

In my mouth

They never came

—-

She said he packed his bags

He left

And she never really knew why

Pulling her shirt over her head

Lighting a third cigarette

The one who loves the most

Has the least power

So from here on out

She says, while kissing me…

She is going to love, just a little less than that….

—-

I ran in to him at a bar across town

Playing the blues, with a new harmonica now…

The sound isn’t quite right

He’s like a new orphan

In a new home

News travels slow

And faster than light

In this small town

But the headlines

Like headlights

Just give you the edge of the truth

—–

And I wonder if we ever really hear each other

Or if we are like that truth

Somewhere at the edges

Never really seeing

Never really hearing

Just comfortable

But not vulnerable

Maybe authenticity is a lie

Maybe we tried

—-

She packed her bags

She’s getting out

She says she’s never looking back

I smiled

Took another drink

Summer is hard

But winter can be very cruel

She said I was cruel

A fool

Wanting two lives

My diseased

And my art

I took a pen

Wrote a line

Looked for the corner with the bathroom

Felt a pain in my chest

It’s difficult when you know it’s over

It’s difficult even worse

Because I can’t separate my disease from life

I wish I could

—-

We sat together in the park

We felt a spark

We fell asleep

Holding hands

The hospital walls grew thin

The smell of life itself

Maybe in time

Everything heals

time is an illusion

Of security

But even so

15 or 20 years

We will be better prepared

For life itself

Women with men

Hearts on fire in the rain

We lost whatever we gained

Turn away

Our conversation

Is changed

We meet

Where we are

Fortune cards

In this marketplace

Social media in our face

Takes passions place

I give you 100 percent of my heart

Beyond this communication

Newsfeeds shaved her head

Crucified this love

They couldn’t see

Her 50 percent was 100 percent

All she had to give ….

And in night

Under the changing of the moon

The angels drink with the demons

And talk about how

The times are changing

But we are still the same

Racing in the rain

Trying to take the pain

Out of death

And keep our name

Iced Down

I could

Write you

A thousand lines

About the times

Tell you everything is changing

Better step up to

Plate your change

State your claim

—-

To the new reality

Starz

Coming out

Waving their banner

mind your manner

—-

Soul’s escaping

I’ve been working everyday

Since I was 6

Tell me what you know

All I know is it goes on

You take the good with the bad

And you make what you’ve got

You’re living and breathing social media hype

Tell me how many likes you get

For waking up to the sound of termites eating your window seal

Tell me again

How hot you’re not

You can do whatever you want

Don’t let them get to you

Push back

I write to kill

I kill to write

Tell you what I’m not

Broken

Shattered

You cannot burn a flame

Hotter than the soul in my eyes

It’s back

You cannot take that

I might put a lot

On the plate

But I’m not

Emptying myself like this again

She’s a hit

A hot star

She’s red

Full lips

Sex in heels

She’ll take your heart

Eat it in front of you

While riding you

Take your bad backseat

Tell me again about how hot you got it

Shoulda shoulda woulda

Look

Your dream is collapsing

You’ve got to roll the dice

Snap

Wake up

Hit the ground running

Times are what they are

Your cards on the table

Play what you’ve been dealt

Like it’s

The cards

You wanted

Tell me again how it’s going to end

Three steps forward one step back

Sounds like progress in the end

All this pain

All of this fight

You stay in it all night

Blow for blow

Victory

In the end

Text your frequent flyover miles

And Monday morning quarter backs

The play by play

You’re in the ring

This isn’t newsfeed

This isn’t story

This isn’t updates

This is reality

This is your life

It is what you make it

It goes on

Good with the bad

Everything passes

So be present

Be real

And

Make yourself proud

Just be here now

Bleeding Ink 1,383

I could shake

I could rattle these chains

I could tell you

Everything

Is about to change

I shaved my face

I cut my hair

I swore I wouldn’t walk over there

—-

Cut to the grave

No angels

Out here

In the battlefield

And the poets

Say we’re standing tall

Remember when we knew it all

—–

I could shake

I could rattle these chains

I could —

Or we could—

Run all night

Try to remember

How we—

What if we could…

—-

Shake

Rattle these chains

Talk about the change

In angels we believe

Cut to our knees in the grave

Poets say we’re standing tall

We could

What if we could

We could

What if we could

Bleeding Ink #1,380

Life is change

Adapting

Adjusting

Do not hold yourself

Down to a fresh start

Or a clean slate

You carry experiences with you

Love, with you

Wherever you go

Life changes so fast

It’s like lightning over water

It will leave you breathless

Stay true to you

How easy it would be for me

To crucify myself

Maybe I could have been different

Maybe I could have changed

Maybe –

Is lost in the past

Keep looking forward

—-

Not everyone adapts

Not everyone makes it this far

We are constantly dissolving

Be gentle with yourself

Continue moving forward

—-

Life is change

Life is living

Evolving

—-

I found a box of letters today…

I will carry parts of you with me

Wherever I go

I will continue ….

Like the tide

I will continue

Nothing lasts

We are not permanent

We are here for a moment

Only just begun

Be gentle

Leave people better than you found them…

Irène

"feu dans le sang"

(Fire in the blood)

"l'attente est érotique"

(The wait is erotic)

I wonder what you wrote just for you?

Between the margins?

Inside your address book?

I wonder how your letters were?

How many did you throw away?

Did you have secret lines

Only one person would understand?

I just reached 30

You’re 39

I wish I could ask you how this goes

—-

where loss is

How it feels

Did you feel it coming?

Did you write regardless ?

—-

I feel this guilt, like acid in my chest,

When I think about the things I don’t say

I reserve the right to write whatever I want…

—-

Nothing is permanent

And I think about that heat

I think about that loss

Like words,forgotten unused…

How many did we lose?

—-

I pour her tea

She writes on the sides of the pages of her journal

She has a novel she’s working on

She doesn’t think she’ll finish it

We can hear them coming

And it occurs to us

You can hear and feel

Life around you this

Absurd chess game we try so hard at

love coming

storms coming

These boots coming

She won’t finish this novel…

She’s 39

feu dans le sang

I drink my tea

She’s here for a moment

I close my eyes

And

She’s gone

Like so many things

Blown away by a storm

The sun comes out

And I wonder

If we missed her,

I wonder how many more like her

We lost…

Quotes from

Irène Némirovsky

December (2019)

Maybe it’s a gut punch

Nauseous

Mornings

Hidden

evenings

Do you even taste victory ?

Thorn in my side –

I don’t look for permanence

I don’t look for needle & thread to bring about some kind of strand for hope

I fight to live

My best life

Every day

I play the cards I’ve been dealt

Like it’s the ones I wanted

—–

Gut punch

Hand down my throat

Just to find release

I can’t even sleep

—-

I’ve changed…

—-

Dark earth

I can feel myself getting bad again…

The heart breaks

And it leaves its shadowed scar over my skin…

I wake up and for a moment

I’m cut open again

All of my pain

The flame

Is burning in my gut again

I close my eyes

And my breath is short

My throat is dry

And I’m held down

Swallowing the tube again

Pump this broken heart

Cut it out

I don’t want this

Take this from me

—-

Gut punch

You start to live with purpose and intention

I’m not supposed to even be here…

you hold to things loosely

So you continue to grow…