There was evil, and there was memory and who knows when you first meet either of the two. He knew he saw her standing in the woods in the dark when he was little. Her black dress…long hands…
That was when he saw the lights in the sky.
He saw her again when he was house sitting for his grandfather after his grandmother died. He could hear her long dress moving through the hall at night. Always just catching a glimpse of her entering the rooms.
The night his father died, he saw her through the window, sitting in the rocker. He knew then he had passed.
Maybe it was when he drove the long drive to his father in law to tell him he couldn’t love his daughter anymore…
He saw her then…
He kept hearing the words
Sick in the stomach
Weights around his neck
“You’re not the victim here, if you do this, it will end in destruction, you’re on a dangerous road.”
“He’s just lost. He’s lost.”
He sees her now, every night. In his door. Just like he did before…
She just stands there and then floats away. Sucking all of the light and air out of the room.
Who knows when you meet evil…
There was also a different figure
Blonde red hair
Blue eyes like stars
And fire wings
She was there when he had a seizure in a ditch
She was there, reading, when he was in the hospital, she was there always…
But lately she just smoked and made fun of his poetry…
That I’ve not had a flare so bad I was forced to stay home or go to the hospital
Or pass blood
Or any other number of things that are far too gross to go in to detail about…
I don’t have insurance right now
I can’t take medicine right now because of that…
So I’m thankful
That I’m able to keep working
Towards my goals ….
For all the good.
For the mornings
I’m thankful for the beauty
And if I’ve been harsh
Or fixed in my vision
I often feel the need to apologise
I think I will always be hungry
I will always be chasing
I’m not the same as
Other people I’ve known
And I’m at a pivotal moment in my life
Other people want to buy cars
I just want food
And to invest in something that will grow
Not buy a car….
My hope is that my future self
Will be thankful too
That my future self will be proud.
I went to Cleveland to make contacts
In six months I could be anywhere.
Making more money than I’ve ever seen.
But this morning I counted out four dollars in change to get gas.
I think it’s important to remember where you came from.
I remember working with my dad when I was six. We would get up early in the morning and go sell produce. You could smell the corn and the tomatoes and the watermelons. We cut grass and we sold tools. We did whatever we could.
I remember going to food banks and the cans had government labels on them. They were not attractive or marketable. They were blank. Bland colours.
We pretended we were soldiers and it was our rations.
I keep remembering all of these things from the past…