I present to you, Garfunkel. Known to us as Garf. And to Simon as the “squatter”

Garf was dropped on our porch before Christmas. He was covered in fleas. Had a bad tooth infection. Worms, fluid on his lungs along with a bad cough he was half starved.

We took him to our local shelter just to make sure no one was looking for him. After we had squared away another pet deposit for our building. We went back and adopted him.

He’s a senior dog. At least 10 or 12 .

I’m not used to an older dog.

At first all he did was sleep. Pee like a race horse and cough non stop, spinning in circles. Simon and I thought he would fall over dead.

Then Simon was jealous because he didn’t get medicine also.

I had to explain that it really was a good thing NOT to have us cram pills and droppers down his throat twice a day. He was unconvinced.

Now Garf’s health is better- and he is almost through his medicines. One of which made him pee like a race horse. His teeth are fixed, his weight is better.

He bounces around and stuffs his entire head in coffee cups. And walks with us around the park.

The incident

I’m not sure how the potty training is going though. I only gave him treats when he went outside, but one morning he was begging, so I gave in. He really is cute. With his scruffy ears. The size of Dumbos.

I gave him a treat. I thought, this should be fine. We just came in from outside. What’s the worst that could happen?

He squatted down and started to take a dump in the floor.

I picked him up and running for the door, the gravity of the situation, forced a loaf out. I stepped in it. Almost fell down the stairs.

I came back in to Simon hiding under the table, looking at me like we had just spit in holy water.

Maybe Garf thinks we give him a treat to MAKE him use the bathroom? Rather than use it OUTSIDE.

Just to be safe, he only gets them OUTSIDE right after he goes. But this morning I tested that theory. He sat there watching me. We both waited. I gave him a treat. He squatted all scrunched and old and took a dump in the frozen grass. Either he is really dumb. Or he’s a genius. Street smarts.

The adjustment

Simon had quite a time…

He was confused

The hardest part is these accidents. Simon could hear him Coughing at night and he would wake us up barking. He became grumpy and frustrated.

One night around 3am, Simon woke me up pawing at my shoulder and then running to the foot of the bed.

Simon: Dad. Dad. Dad.

Ethan: what the crap man? You haven’t had to go out this early since you were a puppy.

I grabbed my robe and half asleep put on one slipper. Looking for the other one. I noticed Simon was just laying in the doorway watching me. He didn’t have to go out. He was lying. You know, like a liar.

That’s when I stepped in it with my barefoot. Garf had an accident.

Simon covered his face

Simon: You better clean that up dad. We’re not supposed to do that inside. Mom’s gonna be so mad. He’s not supposed to do that inside.

I grabbed a mop and started cleaning. Simon went back to bed. He had done his job. He told us about the mess.

Keep in mind, Garf was on Lasix to pull the fluid off his lungs. He was peeing like a race horse. I went back to bed. Simon barked once and then started to growl.

I was just about to kick him. My foot was raised. But then I heard Garf’s coughing.

Garf had wandered into our room and was facing the bed. And about to pee on the carpet.

I grabbed him up and ran him back outside.

So it’s went

Simon hiding under the table. Watching accidents happen. Wondering why Garf doesn’t get in the same trouble as he does.

I don’t know how long Garf will be with us. But I think he’s deserving of having whatever time he has left, in a happy home. Where he is loved and taken care of. With walks in the park and listening to Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and the Rat Pack on Vinyl. Which he really likes. He just sits in the floor in front of the record player and listens. After all. We all will be old one day. Even Simon.

And this way, I’ll be a little more prepared to take care of Simon too.

Simon: Hey this music really swings!