Beagle in the City #288

Ethan: Simon! Come ON

Simon: (sniffing absolutely nothing. Looks back at Ethan)

Ethan: (Opens arms.) what the heck are you even doing?? I have to go to bed. It’s 8:30

Simon: Oh ok. My bad my bad. Oh also, if there’s bones in the bed. It’s not from chicken wings it’s from aliens…

Ethan: omg…are you serious?

Francis: oh hey, guys, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. But I just got a NEW scratcher scratcher upper. It’s brand new.

Ethan: Francis, I just gave that to you. Are you going to sleep beside it?

Francis: What’s it to you? Maybe I love this , maybe I don’t. I haven’t decided.

Francis Cash #15

Ethan: Francis, look I’m sorry.

Francis: No! Stay away from me.

Ethan: Here, have some treats.

Francis: What is THIS this isn’t going to change anything.

Ethan: I’m sorry I dropped you in the sink.

I thought I had a better grip. But you MOVED!

Francis: (sighs. looks away.) I’m sorry I bit you. But you did drop me in the sink. You grabbed my bob tail.

Ethan: (whispers) I thought it was a Hemorrhoid or something.

Francis: What! It’s my tail.

Ethan: You’re the one that keeps getting poop stuck.

Francis: I do smell betterz now.

Francis Cash #14

Ethan: uhm,so Francis, I’m sorry I forgot your birthday. I thought you was mad because I adopted another cat…

Simon: It was pretty great when Atticus pooped down your back.

Ethan: Shhh we don’t talk about that…

Francis: Today’s my birthday?
Ethan: Yeah man, we’ve been through a lot together…you want some fish sticks? Maybe some catnip and a ball?
Francis: Im gonna fluff you up! You can’t forget about my birthday! What if I just forgot to wake you up to go to work!
Ethan: I actually have an alarm and an inner alarm…
Francis: This is an outrage! A conspiracy! Sorcery!
Ethan: Do you know,what all of those words mean?
Francis: Plagiarism! I Demand justice!
Ethan: …
Simon: ….
Atticus: …
Ethan: yeah he’s just throwing words around…

Happy Birthday France, thanks for being my friend. I love you buddy.

Beagle in the City #287

‪Ethan: Sleeping on the couch so I can watch my buddy Simone. He’s not feeling well. ‬
‪Person: you have a kid?‬
‪Person: a roommate? ‬
‪Ethan: no, Simon, my dog. ‬
‪Person: ….‬
‪Ethan: We are best buds for life. What else am I supposed to do? He helps me eat pasta and cheesecake, and sandwiches wait, ohhh‬ I think I know why you’re sick.

Simon: no it’s ok,it was the legos

Ethan: you didn’t eat LEGOs

Simon: the dog bones you hid for me?

Ethan: Ohhhhhh

Ethan: I think it was the trash you got in -Again

Simon: No I think it was the pretzels…

Ethan: …..

Ethan: hey France you want to watch a movie? It’s Richard Gere and Diane Lane

France: What the fluff is this? How about Chicago?

Francis Cash #12

Francis: So how was work?

Ethan: It was ok. Someone printed a poem and gave it to their girlfriend…

Francis: And they lived –

Ethan: They took a break.

Francis: Well your words don’t exactly inspire romance and dancing in the rain. Have you read your work?

Ethan: They didn’t read the poem just printed something.

Francis: Love of my life…I’ve written you …a paper filled with the alphabet…I give you Red Hands….

Ethan: Heck no, do not give that one to anyone ever…

Francis: I wrote you a poem….The Times …

Ethan: Swing and a miss !

Francis: (boxes the air) I’m gonna fluff you up!

Ethan: ….

Francis: Ahh romance. It’s a good thing you don’t get paid…now there’s no refund.

Francis cash #11

Francis: Look at this, according to this fb post, the average hooman doesn’t know what he wants until you sell it to him. This is ridicurous. What’s happening to societies.

Simon: I don’t believe it, I just use my nose, hey, I think there’s Cheetos in the trash…

Francis: Cheetos! Hit me. Boy, I didn’t even know I was hungry. But I’m a bit snackish.

Francis Cash #10

Francis: Your polls are slipping …

Ethan: oh yeah?

Francis: I need some snackeroones

Ethan: You don’t say…

Francis: what you need is an enemy

Ethan: I think you mean someone to run against.

Francis: yeah, an enemy, a villain…

Ethan: No, that’s not how it works,

Francis: That’s not what the tv man said .

Ethan: Again, don’t watch the tv.

Francis: Killin kittens and making mittens!

Ethan: ….

Francis: Don’t get me started on the Aliens …

Ethan: That was the X-Files

Francis: Gee dad…don’t you want to believe?

Ethan: Francis, if you let yourself believe in a villain and win lose scenario …you just lose sight of the ideas. You’re not a citizen, or a voter,you become a consumer…always remember your right to think.

Simon: So are we getting snacks?

Francis: Nah he went on one of his life lessons again…

Beagle in the City #284

Ethan: Francis! Come here, you can’t run off like that.

Francis: No! I’m going to roll in this dirt.

Francis: Help I’ve fallen and can’t get up.

Ethan: Here let me help you,

Francis: Ha! I’ve hopped to this tree. You cannot touch me.

Ethan: (sigh) Francis, again, that’s, that’s not how you climb a tree…

Ethan: I need a vacation from my animals…

Simon: Vacation! Let’s go to the Cheesecake Factory!

Francis: No, I can’t have dairy…let’s go to the tuna factory!

Ethan: omg…guys! Let’s watch the lion king…I saw the play…it was great…we were in the balcony and all of these puppets go flying out around you …

Francis: Oh boy! Is it good? Is it like the cartoon?

Ethan: well, yeah, like the cartoon came out in the 90s I had the T-shirt and pajamas and the Broadway came out right after that I think…it follows the movie word by word …

Francis: yeah I don’t know, I’ve never seen the movie.

Ethan: Lord help me…

Beagle in the City #283

Francis: what’s to eat! I put my order in days ago. Who’s running this joint anyway.
Ethan: Hey now, you big jerk…
Simon: Hey I was thinking we could eat sandwiches. Pastas. Oh wait wait…pasta sandwiches…
Ethan: (gags) it’s ok (gags again) how about a spinach salad…with salman…maybe-
Simon: what’s a s-s-a-lad??
Ethan: ….it’s spinach and greens…with oil and vinegar…salt and pepper…don’t use ranch it ruins it…like axe body spray…
Simon: I don’t get it?
France: Yeah me either, with all the oil and vinegar? Where do you put the lasagna?
Ethan: Great day, Simon, a salad is all the stuff you eat outside.
And Francis, we are not having lasagna…
Francis: ( big eyes)
Ethan: we’re compromising for spaghetti and garlic toast…
Simon: Yeahh Toast!

Francis Cash #9

Ethan: Look at this video,it’s Bob Dylan asking for an E harmonica and you can hear them hit the stage…you wouldn’t see that now, with COVID? Heck no,no one is sharing a harmonica!

Francis: Yeah, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t see that now, because it’s 2020. Why would you use a hobmonica?

Ethan: It’s Har-harmonica.