One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.

Here’s to the crazy ones.
The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.
You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent. They imagine.
They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire.
They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world,
are the ones who do…

– Jack Kerouac

One for the century

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Nerves on my skin are raw again
And I can’t focus
I’m at this place again

You come for me
But I’m not here
You look for me
But I’m not there
It takes two for it to work
Not one and the other at their
Convenience
I’m a terrible mess

And after all this time
I can’t believe
The pieces
I’ve hid away
That you can’t see
And no one ever told us about
The break after the fall
And no one ever told us
About the pain in
learning to walk
And between all the politics
And the world
And religion
And war
Somebody should have told us
That people aren’t objects
You can’t put them in cages to pour your love in and control
You can’t use people or judge them
Someone should have told us
The worst we can do
Is underestimate ourselves
Here we are numb at the starting gate
Hiding our shadows from the light
It’s been a long time coming
Can you help me make sense of this place ?
Can I hide my face in you?

The thing at the center of my throat

The thing
eating away at my gut
Closing off my lungs
Pushing the blood through my heart
The deep realization
Understanding

I like you
I like the way you enter a room
With purpose and unrelenting focus
I like the way you fill a room with …
With light when you smile
I like how you always fight with your hair when it’s up
How it falls framing your brown eyes
And how it looks when it’s down …
I like how you fuss with your desk at work
And hold your paperwork under your chin and your mouth
I like how you always chase the sun and summer
And your crazy obsession with sunflowers
I like how you read books I never finish

I like you
I like that I am liking you
I like how we talk every night
For several hours
Until we fall asleep …
I like how we argue
I like how we need to hear each other

I like this
This time
This moment
This place

But I find it hard to breathe
I find myself wanting to tell you things
I find my self afraid
Because ….
The air I breathe in a room …empty of you … Is unhealthy …
A day without you …
And I miss you ..
I miss you …

I catch myself just watching you
Taking it all in …
Everything you did today
Was beautiful
You
Are beautiful
And I miss you
That’s the thing

In closing

She is fire to my veins
Her touch
Electric
Burning deep
Her voice is a calm
In the midst of the noise

Her smile
Her laugh
The way she is
How she moves

And so here we are
This is us
5 hour conversations
between
sleep and being awake
Her voice is soft
and you can hear her Smile …

I don’t know how this ends
But if it all goes down
Tomorrow
If the world comes apart
As we walk out the door
At least
We were honest
At least we loved
At least we reached across those walls

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Photo link http://pinterest.com/pin/225180050092144026/

Shadow points

Every time 

My heart breaks

I wish that I could …

Every time your world shakes

I wish that I could…

Every night I lie awake

I wish that I could ..

There’s a secret here inside 

We live we love we die 

I have learned to lie 

You’ve constructed me 

And, The pain is real inside

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“There are only the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired. … “
Fitzgerald

Runner

Break of dawn
I feel alive in this moment
On the train tracks
I feel ..
The air
My health
My name
My youth
My time

I close my eyes
I am somewhere
I breathe the mountain
And I run

I feel opportunity
And only opportunity

I pray for open doors
I pray now more than ever before
I pray for favor
I pray for courage
I pray for wisdom
I pray for opportunity

I run
the tracks
To the outside of town
My heart pushing me further
Sweat , pain , I just keep moving
I have a moment
This is a defining moment
To live my life
And take a shot
My eyes are burning
There is fire in my blood
And I am aware of nothing else
But the awesome length of these
Tracks
And the years I have been given
To run them
I feel
Opportunity

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Well done Or well said ?

We say we want to see the world
We say we want to change
We say we want to grow
We say we want love
We want
Want
I

But if I gave you an immigrant
Instead of France
What would you do ?
Would you listen for a story ?
Would you let that sink in ?
Or would you judge them ….

We love characters like Jean Valjean
But judge real ex cons

We want love
Without knowing what it is
We want a one in a million kind of girl
Who wants us to build her a world
And miss the once in lifetime woman
Because she requires us to earn a place in a life she’s already built

We are missing it

What if I told you it’s not in what you say, but in what you do ?
What if I told you our world is about to change ?
Judging people …
Leaving people..
Self righteous
while we’re being filed away and categorized by our GOV
We are the fool

Let love break you
Let life shake you
Let it touch you
The people
The faces
The leaving
The heartache
If only
So that you may know
That you can survive

We want it all
But maybe it’s right here
A little at a time
Pieces
Capable of changing us
Look for the people
The hearts
Not the world
Not the tour
Not the vacation

We say we want …
But I’m afraid
We’re afraid of all the wrong things
We are afraid of what we don’t know
And trust what we’ve been told .

People
The ones you love
The ones you see everyday
Right here
Right now
How many faces do you see?
How many do you know ?
that’s what we have
That’s all we ever have
And tomorrow
Tomorrow the life we knew
it might all be gone
Will you be Jean Valjean
Or will you be something else

So you think you’re a man

The world is changing …
Or maybe its always been this way?
Who is to say
Some men hate women
Just the sound of their voice
can set them off

Today a man gets mad
Because eggs
He has noticed
Have gotten smaller
This is unacceptable
He wants answers
The problem ?
A lady answers the phone
Sweet lady
He chews her out relentlessly
She gave the phone to me
And I let him wait on hold
Just long enough to assure him
That whatever he has to say
Has already been brought to me
He doesn’t pitch a fit
When he hears my voice
He catches and then begins again
You wouldn’t have known he was ever mad .

Men , husbands , guys ….
We’ve all seen it
It’s strange how angry some of us are
And how some of us use women
We don’t have a standard
We don’t have a method
We have no accountability
No character
We use checking accounts poorly
We steal their money
We lie
And lie again
I deal with these things daily
Men who walk around
like they just came off
Mens fitness
who women fall all over
Can’t handle their money
Can’t hold a job
Use women who have children
Use women who work hard
Use women who have trust issues
Get them to open up and bam
Let them down again and again
And yet they play a good game
Women fall all over them

And I’m like
If you only knew …
You’re about to be used .

Cause I get the call about the checks
I see small things that lead to big things
It’s much like a bar
Not the whole scene but … It’s close .

And I ask ….
Since when did we fall so far ?
What happened ?
Where are the cool guys ?
The ones I looked up to growing up ?

Surely there wasn’t just ONE

We’re either Mr mom
Super feminine and useless
Womanizer
Or just plain consumed by business

I have no idea what happened
where have all the men gone ?
What the heck happened to my country?
Where’s the cowboys ?
The husbands ?
The leaders?
The business men ?
The risk takers?
The guy who goes out and gets things done!

Now we walk around looking like muscle magazine
or GQ with a character and personality ? That would do well for a snake or poodle
This guy is NOT going to fight for you
Much less pursue you
Or keep you
But he IS very likely
Going to use you
Its crazy

I’m sick of seeing it
I’m sick of all the Christian guys
Who have a list that could span the state
Of rules and standards
Expectations
I’m sick of all the guys who
Are rednecks who have a list of plays and methods
I’m sick of sitting around watching
Guys use women objectively
I’m sick of guys telling their sons
To hate women
I’m just tired …

Here’s my opinion
And it’s probably not going to go over well ….

I have dated very little
But I am aware there are differences
In men and women
How we think
How we communicate
That is the greatness in it
Can you imagine being on a date
With someone exactly like yourself ?
It’d be pretty boring
No mystery no spark
No attraction no connection you’d
Know everything just before it happened
Know what they were thinking
And not in a romantic way
More like in congratulations
You’re dating yourself kind of way
Way to go
Pretty bland
Unless of course
You’re a narcissist to the ninth degree
Just set up a mirror or something
Across the table

I don’t know for sure ….
But I think …
this goes deeper than
” if you like someone go for it ”
” no one is ever too busy ”
Yadda yadda yadda

I’m saying , it’s a character flaw
We’re told things growing up
“You deserve ”
We have this thought pattern
If she doesn’t do this ….
If he does that …
I deserve …
It’s my right …

Relationships ?
Don’t stop your life bro …
Keep planning keep dreaming .
Don’t base your happiness on another person . Cause people change , you change …. Our very personality is constantly changing .
You will be let down if you start orbiting that person and making every single thought and action based on what they are doing .
Plus , that’s just weird .

Relationships are getting to know how to function WITH someone.
what makes them tick . What makes them, them .
The good the bad and the ugly .
It takes time .
You learn to live and grow WITH someone which is progress it’s moving forward . which is healthy .
Living AROUND someone is possessive and restraining to said person and it stunts your growth .

Make a life
Set goals
Create a life that is worth living
Don’t spend all their money
All their time
All their patience
Don’t be another child
They don’t need to be your second mother .
They want a friend and a lover .
Not another girlfriend
They want us to be MEN.

Life in general ?
We don’t deserve anything
We have no right to anything
We have got to start creating things again
We have got to start being accountable again
We have got to stop being just another copy of a copy of a copy

Someone made it too easy
To hate
To do nothing
To be complacent
In war
I learned from Band of Brothers
If you sit still
You die
It seems like the thing to do
Sitting still in a ditch
But
You DIE
You must be consistent
You must keep moving
You must ….

I could really go on and on
I just really have stopped and looked around
And this is a big deal
We are raising children
Who will live and think
Based on our example
Not what we say
But what we do

I’m tired of seeing all the mistrust
The defense
The hurt
People opening up
Only to be judged by someone with a list .
People … Being human .
Maybe it’s only human .
What are we doing ?
What am I doing ?
Shouldn’t life be about growing
Being connected
Giving love
Intimacy
Learning what makes you , you
And me , me .
All the scars
All the wrinkles
All the smile lines
And the dark circles under our eyes
What put them there ?
What’s your story ?

Who are you ?
And if we connect in such away that the sun and moon eclipse
Then ill add your fire to my last name
If that’s what you wanted

That’s what this should be
To me ….

Our kids are watching us
They will take the lead
Not because of your advice
But because of your example
How you lived
How you treat people
How you loved

What are you doing
Who are you ?
Who are we ?
And what are we building
What are we leaving
Where are we going ?
Or
are we just
a copy
Of a copy
Of a copy