Repair

“And some from among you shall build the old waste places; raising up the foundations of many generations; and be called The repairers of the breach, The restorers of paths to dwell in.”

  • Isaiah 58:12
  • “far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you.”
  • 1 Samuel 12

There’s always going to be plenty of excuses…
If you’re looking for them you’ll find an endless supply of them…
There’s takers in life
People who wait for some hero to come along …
Or you can be someone that is a problem solver…
Someone who gives back …
Builds up those around them …
Someone who takes initiative …
Dreams dreams even…
It’s ok to understand reality…
Yes, it will take longer than you think…
Be harder than you want …
But the reward is so much greater than you dreamed…
You can’t live in a harvest time all the time …but you can sow seed…
You can prepare…
you can see a need and meet it …
You can build back what’s been forgotten…
Walk firmly and gently in what you can control …
You can give …

  • E

My son

Dear, son. It is my belief that the world is active and present…it has many disappointments and horrors and we have to choose to be in it.
Every moment in my life up to now was just running with water pistols…
Having children, spending days in the hospital, (this) bonding experience…
(This) is live ammo…
You don’t come out of this the same …
You’ll think you know but you won’t …
——
You will meet magical thinking …
You will meet poetic dreams …
You will meet “soulmates.”
Remember, the world is here…waiting …you have to choose to be in it…
Right now …from the moment you’re born …Until adulthood…
Choose…
Choose to be successful
Choose to build
Choose to love
Choose to stay
Choose your life …
And live….

Life is for the living and the bold …
There are no short cuts
Be courageous
Be strong
Be patient
And choose …
You will be fine
Take your life and choose it
I’m already proud of you…

-E

Life

My son…
Life is – building –
It’s habits countless routines …
Oh maybe
We inherit a windfall of perfection or finances …
Maybe a new house…
90 days in …
Look at it …
Your habits…
Your standards
What is acceptable to you …
They are in front of you…
The clutter or maybe debt …
Account balances …
My B…
She looked for reasons NOT to be with me…
I asked her more than once to date me and more than once to marry me…
My consistency paid off on all accounts.
But that’s very different from what people are used too…
We are told again and again
It’s good enough to just show up in life …
People and businesses will look for reasons NOT to pick you…
Limit those reasons make them as few as possible …
Create good habits …
Build other successful people …
This is your life your standards …
Adjust them…edit them…remake yourself …until you get it right …
You are building…
Oh but you don’t understand
We should take it easy
Someone will get us out
Someone else
Some hero
Some other election …
No…
No one is coming to save you…
Take ownership…
Why do you never see the military in jeans ?
The marines standing beside Air Force one …in jeans and a t shirt?
Commitment to excellence …
A standard …
A unit, everyone rises and falls together …
We hold eachother accountable to excellence and success …
My B…
She will send me pictures of dust or dirt that I need to clean…
If I left an ink pen on the counter …
I know I’m getting a picture of it…
Everything has a place and a home …
Everything gets cleaned every day…
Hold each-other
And yourself accountable to success…
Build your life …
Build people up and help them succeed …
Shine your shoes …
Iron your shirts…
Save your money …
Shave with a safety razor …
Take the time…
Look right be right and do right.
You will be very successful in life and at home…
Build …
This is yours.
Take it and grow.
-E

History

Our destiny is made by our choices …
Our emotions are not reality
We are emotional creatures but our emotions are not reality they are only indications of where our attention is going and where we are headed …
Someone comes along and tells us we shouldn’t be happy
We should be terrified
The world is burning
Our future is in ruin
Our emotions latch on
We look around and we will find things to agree with that …
Suddenly we are in the ditch …
Why do I believe what I believe ?
Where am I headed?
Why can’t I ever find what I need?
I’m unorganised …
Fix it …
Be organised
Be intentional
Know yourself
Move forward
Build
Be constant
Consistent
Forge ahead
And adapt and learn
Be self aware and grow
What an opportunity
We’ve been here before
We know what to do
History repeats
Ask your grand parents
Ask the boomers
Build
What else is there?

-E

Intentional

History repeats itself …

Short term debt cycles
Long term debt cycles
Our habits and our emotions drive us …
Consuming for what we want right now
Credit and credit cards
Increased power to purchase
without increased income
Betting that our future self will pay it off…
Inflation
Recession
10 years
40 years
The middle class gets squeezed
Stops spending money
Starts paying off their debts
Driving inflation up
And recession
The poor just try to survive
The wealthy have assets
So they are still able to get loans etc
When the banks foreclose or call on debts
They are able to pick up the pieces
Capitalism is the consumer….
There is no evil entity
70 percent of our economy is small business and consumer habits…
Be intentional
Know where you are going and why
Control your future
Or your habits will control you …
——
If you’re calm
Constant
Consistent
Know where you’re going
The long nights
The early mornings
They all will be worth it
——
Watch the morning
The fall come in
Watch the seasons change
You’re making your future
You’re arriving
You built this
Together
With changing habits
——
I’ve been fortunate
I haven’t always been the best I could be
I was dishonest
I lied
I drank
I wasn’t my best
I’ve been forgiven of much
I didn’t go to college
I worked since I was 14
And with my father before that …
But I’ve been given second chances
I have a family
I have a home
I’m building
And I’m thankful ….

What else is there?

-E

Forge ahead

What does this have to do with you and your goals ?
Maybe some days feel a lot like Monday and it feels like the world is off it’s track …
Everything is demanding your attention…your comment …
What does it have to do with you and your goals?
Forge ahead…
Someone said I should be angry because my tax dollars …
Forge ahead…
I should be angry because …
Forge ahead …
I woke up, purchased more shares, asked about parental leave (turns out I get six weeks leave) and I’ll purchase more shares for my son…
Building consistency
A legacy…
Forge ahead…
I know I don’t have the answers
I know I’ve made mistakes
But the way I see it,
The best way to protect and secure the future is to forge it…
Be responsible to it …
Maybe I came from nothing in material things …
But my son will inherit a legacy
And we will give back
And we will raise a standard of pride and excellence and responsibility
To ourselves and our community.
What else is there …
The world is off its track demanding your comment …

What does this have to do with you and your legacy?

-E

Decades

I’ve been here for so long now

Even the shadows are years…

——

The press and the prince of peace

The rust and nightmares in my sleep

They all drink together

But I’ve still been sober

I’ve gotten over

Whatever it was …

It was lost in the rush of drafts

And forgotten notes

On my typewriter and guitar …

—-

Whatever you think you are

However far you’ve come

Just wait

Don’t be the fool at the gate

Giving it all away

You’ll surprise yourself

There’s still time to change

Just wait

——

I’ve been here so long now

Even the shadows are years

——-

They will put you in first

Pour you a glass

Pat you on the back

Hurry up kid

Join our sadness

We feel the same as you

Sorrowful clown

But the years turn to decades

Weekend for weekend

Nothing ever changes

Only

Your sorrow to anger

Your affection to addiction

You’re stuck now

——

Get out kid

Get born

It’s inside of you

The thing you’re looking for

In the world

At the end of the road

At the bottom of the glass

It’s inside of you

The change you need

The strength to shoulder the burden

Of simply living and bleeding

Walking and sleeping

Eating and loving

And if you are leaving

——

I’ve been here so long now

Even the shadows are years

You have everything you need

The worst has already been written

The best is in beginning

But the courage is in the finish …

– E

Concrete Rain

The lights of the evening sunset, run across my car as I drive down 280 in this, a concrete city… a city that was called a magic city…

Only now it’s beginning to rain…

The colours run…

We vacationed in lieu of breaking up …

That’s what I think I wrote somewhere …

Channeling Didion… “in lieu of divorce…“

We went swimming in the ocean

We went swimming in heated pools

In ice cold pools

The sun and the sand burned our skin

The riptide and current and salt

The pools

Cooled us down in the evening

I didn’t drink

I am still sober here

I am trying here

Trying not to run

Trying to face something

The thing inside myself

The fear outside myself

I am trying to write again

A true sentence

Without delusion

Just a truth …

We stand on the outer edges

Looking in

On ourselves

Waiting on a drop

An echo of cutlery on the floor

A raised voice

A shadow of something we’ve thought we’ve seen before

A reason to leave

To return to familiar loneliness

To return to something else

I am 32 here

Soon to be a father

What will my son learn from me?

What did I learn from my father?

Without trying ?

Between the spaces ?

Between the sentences ?

The silent places …

Let there be a hope

A space for truth

A space for patience

Let there be a space for love

For love

For courage

Don’t fall with me

Don’t

Just stand

In this silence

The beating heart

Words on paper

Light in sunset

Across June

32

Becomes time

Time is fleeting …

Oh son …

We are not infinite

We don’t get all things back

We try to stand cautiously or chaotically

Live live live they say…

Or fear fear fear

Even trying not to make a mistake – you will…

And trying to live as tho you want to drink every wine …you will be drunk and lose the moment and memory…

Just stand patiently and be prepared for opportunity …

And ride with the sunset…

Know who you are…

Know who you are

-E

Shipwrecks

Bob Dylan

Strange things have happened
It’s all happened here before
It’s just the ghost of old shipwrecks
Passing by your doors
—-
Sleep in peace tonight
There’s nothing new under the sun
Take your hand from your gun
This too shall pass
Sleep in peace tonight
The wolves are howling
The nightmare is crawling
Over your back pages
It’s gonna leave its mark
And these passages soon will be read
The world is not falling
It’s only turning
the ghost of the past
That old hangman
That old dust bowl
That famine
And recession
The flies that nag
The dog that bites
The tempers flared
Like shots at the moon
The stars are falling
Falling over Alabama tonight
It’s all been done before
Look out kid
They’re digging up the interstate again…
This too shall pass
Keep you hand off your gun
Do right be right
Don’t take short cuts
You will short yourself in the end …
Do right be right kid …
You’re just in the foyer
The world is just beginning …
Strange things have happened
Where’s all our Dylan’s
Standing by the road …
Do right be right kid
The words will come and they will go…
The Phoenix destroyed your kitchen stove
Cut down a tree with its fist
Its words you dismissed
Don’t short yourself
There’s no easy way out
There’s only to endure and be true
And let the words come
And when they come
Thank them
And let the words go …

-E