Time Levels

I’m at a place in my life
Where I’m tired of excuses
Everyone has them
I’m tired of looking for someone else to blame
That ties and binds
I want freedom
And that comes from the liberation
Of accepting responsibility
Rather than surrendering that to something else
——
If I want to change I have to change
I have to face myself
——
I’m for
Whatever gets you through
as long as it doesn’t hurt someone
And as long as we understand
We can’t ask people or expect people to be like us
It’s a very solitary road
But I don’t mind
Just being alive is exciting
You can live passionately
And impact lives
For the better
Without asking them to change
And be like you
Give a hand
To help eachother UP
Help eachother level up
Believe in one another
And your community
There’s room for all of us
Let there be love
-E

Hungry

Hungry

Have you ever been to the valley?

Flat broke

poor

You better hit the ground running

Work

I’m going somewhere

You’re gonna know my name

Some of you want out of this town

I said I’m gonna buy this town

Cash money

No interest

No ones got nothing on me

You don’t even know me

I said I was heading somewhere

Get with me or fall behind me

I made it

But I ain’t

Stop

You gotta do it again

Hitting the ground running

On fire

Going to be something

Keep something

Be something

Real

I’m talking about Magic

Jordan

You’re playing

Waiting for a dream to show up and inspire you

I’m talking about the Dream Team

Flying like Jordan hitting like Rodman

Being my own inspiration

Motivation

They can’t take it from you

When you can’t quit

I put it all on the table

Now sit back

We ain’t done yet

The score don’t stop

The rings don’t stop

Just because you finally got it

Get it

Cash money

Have you ever been

Hungry?

Flat broke

Working

Reaching

I’m going to be something

You can’t stop

Won’t stop

You ain’t seen nothing yet

I’m on fire from the bones

That made me

All those long nights

Hard fights

110 hour weeks

16 hour days

Two jobs no bread

Uhh

Home up hold up

I said I made it

But I’m not satisfied until I’m satisfied

I’m not trying to be anyone’s hero

I’m playing myself

Trying to scare myself

Like the train Nolan Ryan

Coming in not breaking

Like the Bulls against the Pistons

Taking championships and wins like Saban

I write history

My life has got to be like

My life has got to be like

beyond the light

Just beyond the light

There is tomorrow

Another line

Another page

A story yet untold

That only you can tell

In your unique way

——///

Our youth

Fields of grain

Too many intersections

And not enough time

——-///

We lived and we tried to feel love

As it was sold to us

We tried to be something

Nothing

Anything

——///

I felt the shift

I felt myself losing tune

Yes tune

We rang loud

And out of tune

We lost touch with people

Humanity

We looked to our palms

And our timelines

But it told us nothing of our times

Twitter is not real

Facebook is not real

It does not give you the supper table

The summer mornings

In the south

The green stalks of corn

The ice storms in winter

The kerosine Heat

——///

We live and die in the hashtag

But we haven’t grown up to maturity

Poverty is more than we can comprehend

It’s a relationship to money

It’s habits

It’s not just wanting and not having

——///

These lives just beyond the light

The gift of life

Look past the last headlines

What we are

We are here

Now

Alive

—-///

More than politics

More than religion

More …

——///

“Be what you were…”

I look at art

At words

Films

From the 90s

And I feel a disconnect

I don’t know this person

This person doesn’t know me

I can’t see the tv from across the room

I keep moving my couch closer and pretending it doesn’t matter ….

Pictures give us words

——///

We are textured

Quilted

Struggled

Immigrants

—-///

Downsizing

Can you downsize the American dream?

We can find answers in 5g speed

We are born with a cellular plan

But we don’t know our neighbour

A pastors struggle on Monday morning

—-///

Are we red and blue state ?

Disconnected

People vote, or don’t vote, for various reasons.

One Party is the single issue party. Or the anti vax, anti mask, lower tax…don’t take my guns?

No, one party is the American dream, Reagan party, read, communicate, write, dream, love your country, write your wife love letters from across the room. You’re groomed from a young age to vote red.

The business owner. Trying to dream.

The other is college kids, millennials, like it or not, woke, sensitive to every issue, minority, apologising, how will the kids make it during this economy?

Most of us are somewhere in the middle not on the fringes…who’ve lived through a handful of economic collapses…

Most of us have lost someone to this virus…

I was talking with a nurse and she was telling me of the horror of a patient dying…of the horror that people still think this is a hoax, the fact that these patients are protected by privacy laws and this creates a gap…and we will never know…but they know…and for them…this is a nightmare…

Now, what do people vote on?

Somewhere in the middle.

We have more in common than we think.

The whole silence is violence

be woke to every single new thing ….

that’s a big tab…

the answer to winning votes and states

is not be the most liberal…

it’s connecting to the country.

We are all Americans.

Unplug from social media,

You can block and unfollow each-other all day long but these are real people with real lives and real votes and they are not going anywhere, they’re our neighbours our mothers our siblings.

what do we all have in common.

Return to the vision. Return to common sense, adulthood …

you can build a platform and a table with room for everyone.

We can’t go back…we go forward…beyond the light…or we fade into oblivion…

Solitude

These are the great places,
Where you can find solitude
Not just alliteration of words correspondence of sound between one thing or the endings of another
But
A connection of the heart and the soul
Of heaven and earth
Reminded of our brevity and our long reach for eternity…

The wind comes down and cleans us from everything that weighs us down…

This is just one season
Hid away
From everyone
Hoping for something that lasts
Longer than …
Whatever this is…
Has been…

Curious of communication
Of legacy

How shall we escape
If we hold grudges
If we do not hold fast
To the vision
We all are created equal
Pride in our past in what we have accomplished in where we are going…
Those who have risen to high places
Do not hear us …they cannot hear us from the mountain top..they hold the vision
But us here in this bitter earth…
Our daughters hear us
Our children hear us
Our wives hear us
How shall we escape
If we do not hold the vision ourselves ?

I hide away in the great places ….

Alright

I’ve got nothing on my mind

I can’t think straight

Too many of us

Wear the bruise

We don’t even check to see if we landed

On our feet

We just feel incomplete

—–///

At the back of all these roads

Where hardly anyone goes

Trump flags blow

Pale in the sunlight

Faded

All the color gone

Children hungry for bread

Hungry for soul

Hungry for art

What does a mind know

Just another

Esau and Jacob

—-///

Someone plays another shutdown song

About being alright

Dancing in the sunlight

But

I’ve got nothing on my mind

And I’m not alright

We keep losing

We keep choosing pain

And I keep drinking

And

We keep losing another name

And

I keep choosing.

Pain.

Out here

On the back of the roads

Where you will never go

And someone probably gets mad

At a Hillbilly Elegy

Because their mom and dad paid their way…bailed them out everytime a storm blew their way

But have you ever lived on concrete

With termites eating your window seal?

Bats in the chimney

A bucket under the sink

the plumbing is incomplete

You don’t get to choose where you come in

You just get to start walking

I’m not angry

I’m just thinking out loud

It’s easy for me to understand

People want someone to blame

They want someone to hit the restart button

But even if they woke up with a million

They would blow it in a month

Half of it on something crazy like little Debbie cakes to freeze

Because they still don’t know

We still don’t know

—//

I have nothing

On my mind

I could die alone tonight

I’d be fine

I’m fucking fine

Play your shutdown song

We are all alright

Writers Log #30

I’m off grid

It’s the time of year when I unplug from social media

I’m trying to clear my head

And refocus

Read more

I’ve not even been writing letters

I used to write a lot of letters

I feel scattered I guess

The need for solitude

And quiet

I need to reconnect with myself

Maybe that’s vain

But I feel like I’m here on this mountain

And it’s overshadowed by this weight

Of anxiety and depression

So I deleted all my apps

And

I’m hoping if I just keep this

To write with

Maybe I can do some good

Or write really badly

Or really really regular

That’s a lot of R’s

Minuscule

Minuscule

It’s a hope

But I hope

We all

Find ourselves smiling

Slipping into a happiness

A peace of mind

Doing things that make us happy

Dancing

Having sex in the kitchen

Cooking together

Writing letters to eachother from across the room

Describing what you look like while you’re doing some odd thing you have to do or enjoy doing and how much love there is here…

I hope we find ourselves and reconnect to us

Here

Our faith

Our human condition

This brevity of life

I hope

If we have lost

I hope we find solitude and quiet and we may find peace to heal and grieve

And to remember those and that which we have lost

I hope we all win

Forever is but a moment

My back yard

I just want solitude

And beauty too

And if that rings true

You don’t have to give me forever

Just another moment with you

——///

Don’t let time pass you by

I know you have to go

The shadows are covering the sky

But I hope

I left you something

Good

I hope

I left you something

To remember

I hope

In this solitude

this beauty

That is you

Out of mind

There’s a man

Going around

Passing out promises

Gold and silver too

But the success

Never reaches down this far

No,

They won’t follow you down

And every woman I know

Works harder than two men

And they love

And they bleed

And they sew up our needs

And like Cash said

“When the man comes around”

Well, they won’t follow you down

So we fight

And we survive

Even when our paychecks

Barely make it through

What else are we to do

The silver and gold

Doesn’t come down this far

But they pass it around

With promises too

But they won’t follow you down

—-///

And I

I can’t write

My head is filled with clouds

I try to sit

But I can’t breathe

I watch the colour in the trees

And I think

About the dumpster on the side of the road where we used to get shoes and we used to get books…

And I think

About time

I hope I’ve used mine

Well

I think about the old man

Who lived in a school bus

And had a teenager for a wife

Her eyes said she had escaped something worse

A sort of curse

But I was too young to understand

Now, I think as I try to write, what good am I? What good am I?

If we can’t listen

If we look away

What good am I

And what good have I done …

A clouded head is part of Crohn’s

Just like the ache in the bones

The shouting stomach

The anxiety and the depression

I write about it but I can’t talk about it

And you’ll never see it

I guess

We all are just stories in the end

And we want what we want

And we say it sets us apart

And we expect others to know

But part of us stays on the road

Because even we don’t know…

And all we have is time…

Clouded mind

Dear child

Don’t be

Consumed by fiction

Have we ever learned?

When will we reach over these walls

And grab hold of each other ?

Scale this pain,

“Hillary was a witch, the Antichrist.”

“Obama was not American and the Antichrist. And and and.”

If it’s not this

it’s something else

Look at us

What we swallow

What we sow

What we consume

Hillary was a woman

A human, flawed, yes…

Obama was a man, a black man…flawed, yes. But human.

Our record of self delusion and hypocrisy

Is terrifyingly sobering

But we can choose to change

I think about how many Americans have died…

I think about how many of us are sick

The hospitals are not allowing visitation again…

What will become of us?

What will history say of us?

That we bought the propaganda?

Or that we stood

And we faced ourselves

We said there is no room

For sexism

There is no room for racism

There is no place for hate

There is only room for growth

For all of us at the table

For all of us

The disenfranchised

The minority

The single parent

The middle class

Every one of us

Because we rise and we fall together

So child

Remember

It’s a job

Do not lose hope

The scientist

The journalist

The doctors

They are not spending decades

Trying to deceive you

Do not lose faith in your ability to make a difference in your community

Read

Study

Reach out

Make a difference

It only takes one…

How sad,

We were mad that she had to carry so much only after RBG passed away…before she died, we were saying things like “she better hang on. We need her.”

How sad that Obama has to get back in the fight.

But look, it only takes one

If you think you don’t make a difference

Look again.

You matter

You’re important

Reach across those walls

We are more than our differences

We rise and fall together.

And our future is waiting