Bleeding Ink 1,604

There’s all these voices

I look around the room

I close my eyes

Some raise a glass

Expect me to just hate women

My phone blows up

“Look at this.”

“Go to therapy.”

“Take 4 years.”

Everyone has an opinion

I watch the room

I spent all those years

Doing what I thought was best

Buying flowers

Writing letters

Making dinner

Dances in the kitchen

I still didn’t do everything right, I guess

It’s not one persons fault

I won’t complain

I’m not going to cry in my beer

I’ve seen that

Too too many times

I watch the room

I feel nothing

I feel nothing at all

That’s the worst part

I don’t hurt

I’m not angry

I cannot possibly drink enough

And I feel nothing at all

“You know what you should do? You should go sniff and hit everything you can.”

But I feel nothing at all…

Only the blues

There’s an isolation inside

And I know

There’s going to be a morning

When the sun will rise

And I will only write

About that deep blue

That is her eyes

Just give it time

Even the sea is calm

At the darkest of the night

And I try to think

But the words can’t be found

And I try to drink

But there’s never enough

So I watch the room

And accept this too

This feeling – Nothing

Hoping I don’t become some kind of

Bitter southerner

That’s all

I don’t want to be hung up

I don’t want to be bitter

They expect me to just hate

But have you ever

Talked for hours with a woman

Danced without hesitation

Read until the morning

With her hand in your hand

And her head on your chest

There’s a thousand other intimacies

She gives you before you’re in her bed

I know this will pass

This feeling nothing

Bleeding ink 1,519

I read somewhere that if a man cares about you…you won’t ever have to wonder how he feels…

He will remind you.

So I was thinking about you…

And I hope you are good

I hope your days are good

I hope you find the love

That is slow and deep

So deep that you can’t feel the bottom

I hope it’s the champagne kind of love…

I hope you are reminded daily

Even when he isn’t there

She said something about the honeymoon being over

It isn’t supposed to last

It’s a marriage after all…

But marriage is an island babe.

If you don’t bring it,

You won’t find it here…

So bring it

Bring the champagne

Bring the slow dances

Bring the starry eyes

Bring the ties

The lipstick

The records

Whatever it takes

To make it through

Bring that

How else will they know?

That they’re the only thing you see

Across the room?

-regardingsamuel.com

Bleeding Ink 1,518

Time out of mind

My insides are stone

All I do is groan

What kind of love….she said

Cold hands

I’m free

But when the lights go down

When the traffic is tight

While I’m waiting

I still hear him

I still see him

Stomping

Yelling

Who knew

Marriage was war

——-

She feels herself slipping away

She sees him

And feels the blow from his words

The blow from his hands

That selfish way he demands

——

It’s a long way

Long way from home

She has that vacant stare in her eyes

Like a war vet

You know she’s reliving it

——

She’s praying for salvation

——

Hoping she can still touch things gently

There’s nothing left to see…

Nothing left to say

He may not hit you

But he may cut your off from your circle

He may cut you down

He may gaslight you

He may suddenly twist it

And make you feel like

Your feelings are invalid

He may sit down and portray a conversation

But it’s really just conditioning you

So you can go back to the way he needs you

He may be nice here

And over there

And those little moments feel so bright

Because they are so few and so far

——

What does it matter now

There’s barely light here now

I’m always reaching

But I can never find

Is there some way out

Some piece of me left?

Just buckets of pain

Buckets of rain

Cities on fire

I’m not even crying

Barely even trying

What’s the point

My heart broke some time ago …

Now there’s just

Flashes of colour

Flashes of pain

What is there left here to spare ?

2020 #26

She’ll love you, with eyes so bright. You will realise your hunger and your curse. As you walk through this world.

Today they are burning down the streets. The changing of the guards is still incomplete…

And I know, I know, it’s easy once you’ve been burned, to turn your face to the cold and blame your long time family curse, and I know it hurts….

But look around dear, how many of us, really feel anything, anymore around here?

I loved you like the first, I loved you with my best…

She’ll love you, she’ll pull you in…out in the open fields…

You can’t box her in…

She’s anger, she’s fists, she’s fire, she’s all woman…but she breaks so easily…she’s scared of the reality of being…

She changed her mind

And disappeared like smoke

All you can do is hope

She felt your heart next to hers

Now let her go

Turn your face to the sun

And don’t you turn cold

Chasing Sleep

I unsubscribed from the news

The internet

The perfect

places

—–

I was strutting around

Like I owned the town

When I think back on it …

Now I feel this winter in my chest

I’m humbled to know so many people that love me

I know now

You can win and you can lose

And you can do both gracefully

—-

It feels like this weight

Pushing down on me

I’m running

And I can’t stop

And there’s a ledge

I know it’s there

But I can’t stop

—–

I know you can love

I’ve seen you do it

You just choose to love me poorly….

Maybe I choose too

I hear myself say, this is who I am…I’m good at loving people

I’m good at being here with you …

But then I hear you say

This is just who you are…

And I wonder

How we have the same defense

And

How we

Left the bedroom

Look at our weapons

Hidden away

Throughout this home

This is a battlefield

—-

I used to strut around like I knew something

Now I’m humbled

I’m not sure what I know

Even about myself

I reserve the right to write what I want

I’m coming home to myself

The trees are still asleep in the morning

Your skin is soft against mine

Your eyes say good morning

Long before your lips

Two souls

Anchored together

Like ships in the water

The moon is down

I feel your light

And you are beautiful

Beautiful

I used to know

What did I know

Now

I’m just thankful

To share this space with you

I can still taste your lips

Post

For just one moment

Turn off the noise

The ads

The articles

The videos

The echo in the canyons of your mind

———

Look at what you grew through

Where we – what we- came from

Look into your own eyes

Here today

————-

Post, 9/11

Post, Katrina

Post, the financial crisis

Post, the war on terror

Post, social media

iTunes

Streaming

What is anyone reading….

————

Look at what you came through

Now, don’t let anyone

Or anything

Not even yourself…

Tell you otherwise….

———

You were built to last

You are a survivor

You matter

And even though the world will never be the same

Those of us who remember

A world before,

We lived through it,

We lived through it,

Cannot be fooled

And we will not abide

Shallow waters

We demand the depths

To wash us clean

And we will rise above it

Into the sunrise

And we will continue to seek out

A better future for ourselves

Because we have lived

A thousand lives

And dreamed a thousand dreams…

And we are still living- still dreaming- still fighting

Yes, even ourselves

But we were built to last…

——–

Through these fires…

We demand the depths…

And I don’t know that our eyes

Look at the world the same

As those who were born, after,

Or even before,

I think everyone carries their own burdens

But this is an old flame

And it changes you…

It can’t help but change you…

It hollows you out

And replaces your thoughts

With echoes of loss

It hollows you out

Bone and marrow

And builds a fire inside you

That only the moon

The ocean

And the stars can understand

I hope you understand

You were built to last

What else is there?

Beagle in the City #249

Ethan: Ok boys, I need my taste testers!

Simon: I’m ready!

Garf: I call dibs! Din dins !

Lindz: not if I catch you for hugs!

Simon: Hey dad, dad, do you mind to tell mom, this is guys time. We have to test the food.

Garf: hey man, does warden, ahem, I mean, LADY, boss you around like she does me?

Ethan: hey look! Smothered chicken quesadillas!

30 for 30 (She’s going to make me lonesome when she goes)

October 1st

She smokes her cigaret

Stares out the dirty windows

Waiting for someone to come in

She feels paranoid

But when they do come in

She sits with them

Pours them a cup of tea

Makes sarcastic remarks

She gives them books to read

A trail of smoke follows her every where she goes

Her red hair is pulled up under a bandana

Her green eyes carry an age to them …

November 15th

Everyone that comes in leaves

With a story

For the last five years

It’s been me

We all want something

We want to be something

We believe we are making a mark

She has so many opinions

And ideas

She plays the piano

And thinks it’s funny

It being in a library

Dec 12th

I believe she is a muse

Not in the way we use it now

But in the, what is it? The original way

Muses were something that came to an artist

And helped them make art

Dec 24th

I don’t think she knows…

Jan 13th

She’s clouded

And heavy

Maybe she has been around for too long

Or for such a long time

She has forgotten

She is unhappy

Smokes more

Drinks more

Sleeps all day

Doesn’t get up

Or come sit with me like she used to

She just lets me use the library

I cannot write like I used to

I’ve asked her to go away with me

I think she is going away

But alone

she doesn’t laugh

She won’t drink tea anymore

The sunlight doesn’t come in the windows anymore

She’s going to make me lonesome when she goes…

Sept 20th

It’s been a long time since I’ve last written.

But I think I’ve carved out a way.

To just sit and work…

October 31st

I thought I saw her today

In a bookstore

It was just a moment

A flash of red

But

She looked happy .

Who knows what a muse is?

But maybe

Just maybe

They help us find our way

And our voice…

Who is to say anything is really gone?

Maybe they are there

In ordinary places

Doing ordinary things.

waiting for us to be unexpected

And

extraordinary.

Woman

Woman of the earth

She comes out in the full moonlight

inside of the quiet

Her feelings like fingers dip into a little bit

Of everything

She runs they say

with the wild things

Ten thousand miles

Under the eye of the giants

She’s dived into the mouth of the volcano

Woman of the earth

See her under the weight of

Their poetry

Their weather

Their religion

Tangled up in star signs

Her roots spread deep

What have we done for her lately?

Everything we give her

Comes with a receipt

We’ve got her

Tangled up

Tangled up

In a card

In a headline

On a stage

In a bit

Overreacting

Like strings on a puppet

Where is she now?

I keep looking

She’s a woman

She’s a woman

You can’t label,categorize,

She’s a woman

I loved a woman

Love a woman

She’s a woman

And she’s damned if she doesn’t

She’s damned if she does

Woman of the earth

She runs

With the wild things

She rises with the moon

But what…

What have we done for you lately?

Beagle in the City #239

Simon: Dear doggie journal, I have been stranded for three years…

Ethan: I’ve only been gone for a few hours…

Simon: It’s been a year of rain. And flood. There’s hardly any food, there have been stealings. Our kitchen is gone!

Ethan: Hey, I told you We’re remodelling it…

Simon: I am keeping cheeses and breads.

Garf: Wait, is that what was under the couch? Because you should go shopping…