Beagle in the City #276

Simon: dad, dad,dad, is that a sandwich?

Simon: with lettuces, mustard, cheeses, two May toes, and deli sliced ham?

Ethan: Uhm, maybe.

Simon: I too enjoy those things…

I mean, I really wish I had a sandwich.

(Five minutes later)

Ethan: Simon, where’s your brother Francis? Francis? !? Dang. Help me find him…

Simon: Uhm What? How do I do that? He’s not here.

Ethan: your nose!

Simon: dad, don’t be a dumb dumb, I can’t find Francis with my nose! That’s just silly.

Ethan: ok, sure, you can’t count either, but you know when I have three crackers left…

Beagle in the City #90

Simon: I’m ready to go see mom. 

Ethan: Have you seen the meat thermometer? I need it to check the ham. 

Simon: Is that what that’s for? I thought it was for something else.

Ethan: What did you do?

Simon: I had to check something.

Ethan: Simon…

Simon: Oh boy, smells done to me. I guess you really can cook ham after all. Let’s go. I’m ready. 

Ethan: … 

Beagle in the City #65

Simon: This isn’t going to look good on your polls, dad. You kind of look like a thermometer…

Ethan: it’s not as bad as it looks…

Simon: Can I touch it?

Ethan: Don’t touch it, agh!!

Simon: How did this happen again?

Ethan: We went to the beach while you were at grandmas. 

Simon: Wait a minute…whaaaat?

Ethan: Now smile…

Beagle in the City #25


Simon: …it’s not going to fit

Ethan: yes it will, you just have to twist it…like…this 

Simon: it won’t go in.

Ethan: …almost

Simon: If you have to force it, it’s too big. Just buy a new bath for the covers. A BIG one. Everyone can bathe together. 

Ethan: it’s a washing machine. 

Simon: what’s a washing machine? I was talking about the bath for the covers.

Ethan: I know; a washing machine. 

Simon: Sometimes I feel like you need subtitles…

Ethan: GOT IT, I WIN!! You owe me milk bones…

Beagle in the City #5

Look at the size of this stick…I found it under a bench! Who would throw this away?? But then,who would throw me away!

 Heres to looking at you,kid. . . 
We went to this dog place where you meet new animals and get treats! you know,like a bar… “what are you here for? Arrow through the  paw? Yeah,definitely gonna need a treat for that.” It is really awesome. But instead they just weighed me again.

Halloween is a pretty big deal. I don’t know what it is but they keep talking about it

Maybe I’ll go to Halloween as a Giraffe!…or a Raptor! 

 Or a Rainbow Unicorn…

Pretty scary right? Mom scared dad so bad he almost threw up…I know-because I’m a dog and I can recognise the signals for that. Like when you drink too much water.

It’s ok though he’s all better now.

Maybe Halloween has something to do with unicorns…I don’t know. 

Beagle in the City #3

Hello,Person! Yes, I know. I am awesome. And I’m pretty sure I’m a coonhound. I really don’t see much beagle here… 

 Look at my stick. I hunted it all by myself. I would have got the big one but I got distracted by a bird.

This is my person! He’s a funny looking white guy right? Yeah. He doesn’t even have ears! 

We cook together! Which is what we are currently doing. I watch the floor and make sure it stays clean.

My person wants to talk now …ok …speak ..speak…speak. . .good job.

(Enter Ethan) Hey guys and gals. My fellow Americans and globe trotters. Simon is like 4, maybe five months now. We have successfully made it through most of the bad stuff. Like teething. He still wakes himself up at night from his own gas though and moves to the other side of the bed. It is hilarious. Oh, and he also frowns like old man. People are used to seeing me walk him now and they say things like “hey! you’re that guy!” And I’m like “yeah I’m the writer.” And they say “No. The funny guy with the little dog.” And I’m like “ohh.”
Other people see pictures online from here…and …here. And then say things such as “you would be so great with children.” Because, that is the natural progression of things. “Well,we did pretty good with the greyhound Francis, how’s the Goldfish? Still alive? Let’s make a baby!”

That is not even CLOSE to accurate! I don’t even feel like it is in the same arena, and if you think so? Well then, you’re not doing it properly. You’re going to be a terrible parent. 

I mean what do you want me to do? Walk through the store with my kid on a leash and hiss at him when he steps in front of me?  Give him a treat for sitting down? …well, actually that would be pretty entertaining. Do that on the holidays guys. Just pass out treats and don’t communicate – ever. Just hiss. 

No seriously,  we treat animals like humans and they’re not. They run off energy not language. You can’t lie to them. They just read your energy. We breed them to do specific jobs and throw gifts at them,then we leave them when things go wrong. When in reality? We went wrong.They have thousands of years of evolution behind them and our opinion or perception doesn’t change that. 

So when I grasped that concept . I was like man what a relief. I can talk to my dog but I don’t have to talk to him like an idiot. He will still love me. Then again…maybe we should bring that concept to the holidays. Be mindful of the energy people are putting out there.

Simon, he helps cook and chase sticks and ponder the existence of cats. 

We are thinking about getting a cat at some point. Pretty sure that would be interesting. He can’t dig for nothing. He just buries things with leaves and looks around like “That’s got it. Totally safe.” 

We did see a cat at the vet. It was our second visit since adoption. So I was pretty nervous. Simon was fine. He laid down and let people pet him. I panicked when I heard dogs crying from fecal samples …

It’s just different with a cat.

Cats just watch. And judge you. You know they’re judging you. “Oh, you would have that dog. “Stupid Americans.” They probably have a broadcast to advertise US for adoption. “Help a human life in need today. Adopt a family near you.”   

Meanwhile, dogs and humans are just happy to be loved. 

Adopt a feline or canine HERE

Beagle in the City #2


It’s national Adopt a Shelter Pet Month.

I know I’m a little guy. 

But I was a shelter pet.

Left in a ditch. 

I love my new pack family

And hunting stuffed Giraffes 

So thanks!

for all you do when you adopt a pet.

And remember the seniors like Lester! They are great feet warmers and love just as much as us little guys. 

  (Learn more about adopting)

Lester has been with the shelter for 6 years! (That’s like …six and a half of my entire lives) 

So remember…

“Adopt don’t shop!”

Our Snoopy Dog 



 If you have a snoopy dog. You know their nose can get them in a lot of trouble. Fire antz,buried cat poop, etc etc. 

Sometimes it’s just them hunting milk bones they’ve buried in the grass. 

And they love LOVE to do this.

They also prefer to sleep against pillows 

And pretty much any chair available. 

They also like fetch.

Watching you cook 

While sitting in a chair.

And meeting the post man. 

If the meeting doesn’t go well…

They will always try again tomorrow.