What am I doing here? I hate crowds I hate people. People are the worst. Crowding out everything suffocating the air out of the room. Living between panic and depression and just one text message or notification from a heart attack.
It’s unfortunate that I chose journalism as my profession.
I move through the hallway of the hotel making my way past the staff and the staff infections. To the elevators.
Everyone has smiling faces. I notice as the doors close. A drink in one hand and a phone in the other. Pitching ideas. Checking updates. Laughing about today. Planning out tomorrow.
They don’t know.
I look beyond the faces to the back of the conference hall. The empty platform waiting.
They really don’t know.
Or maybe they just don’t care.
I check my notes…
The light counting off the floors.
“…we’re meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us? ”
Photo origin unknown
I remember the first time I saw Lauren.We were at this party and she was standing there with a drink in her hand-hair pulled back.
She smiled and it was like everything became art. You could see the colour in everything.
I tried talking to her then but we just argued about something like politics.
Later, She was making or attempting to make a drink. Shaking it in the mixer. And spilling ice everywhere.
“Would you like some help with that?” I asked. “I’m pretty sure it’s better when the ice makes it to the glass. ” she just glared at me. “I’ve got it. You wouldn’t know how to make this anyway unless it comes already in a bottle.” I laughed. I remember that part. And saying something about a drink making you feel smart and act dumb…kind of like sports… I think we got along after that. Or maybe it was a few moments after that…she found me and we started talking again.
I think we forget what we overlook. Maybe that is the thing. We overlook so many small insignificant things and they add up to larger vacancies inside of us or our worlds.
But I didn’t want to forget this and I didn’t want to forget her.
this feeling this moment this place.
I remember that more than anything.