Bleeding Ink #1,477

Some years ask questions

Some years ask for sacrifice

Hold on now, the truth is coming in

——-

Like the tide now,

Some water is deeper

Some hearts are stone

Sunlight is easy

When it’s on her face

Sometimes your city

Burns before your eyes

——-

Some years ask questions

There’s a kid with batteries

He’s playing Star Trek

Red on black

Black on gold

He doesn’t know he’s poor

He just knows he’s happy

When the sun goes down

———

I’ve carried this darkness

Since before my father died

I was there that night

I read his old letters

I cast his demons aside

Some questions get answered

Some you just have to lay down

———

I still see this darkness

I know it will take me

It’s just a matter of when

Some things I won’t understand

But we all are running out of time

I just keep laying words down

——-

They said they found him

With two shotgun shells

Some things are too too heavy

I stood there asking

Was it the darkness

Or was it his heart?

Sometimes you’re happy

And lady

When you smile….

Half of me is sun

Half of me is moon

I learned to live with this darkness

Some days are nightfall

Some days you just have to look for the light

——-

Some years….

Some years

Lady you’re a free girl now

You just keep walking

You’ll make it

A pocketful of questions

A handful of stones that you lay down….

Entropy

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Our lives
Are made up of
Moments
Who we meet
Who we open up to
Who we choose
To make room for
How we let go
Some of it
A lot of it
Is chaotic
It doesn’t feel like
Growth
It feels like death
Accepting change
Or letting go
But it all matters
How we accept it
How we move through it
It all holds the potential
For growth

Over 74% of space is made up
Of dark energy
This energy is constantly
Pushing everything apart
The universe
As we know
Is always expanding ….
So
It’s been said
That It will expand
Until it’s energy ….
Dissolves …
Leaving
the Milky Way an
“island universe”
All of this
Keeps scientist
Excited
Naturally

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Everything
That comes
Together
Falls apart

Look
We have
Something
In common
With the heavens
Our lives
Come together
Only to fall apart
Change
Is happening
Universally
You are not alone
So keep
Your hope alive
It’s ok
To not be ok
It’s ok
To know
Inside
In the face of adversity
And shifting
Foundations
That it’s going
To be ok
Just
Maybe
Not today
This is energy
It is life
It’s us

“There are more atoms in your eye than there are stars in all the galaxies in the known universe.”
Neil deGrasse Tyson

You are worth
Something
You matter
And
when you
Move
The universe
Rises to meet you

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Perspective (what I learned from suicide)

Wingstop
Probably my favorite place for FRIES
And rolls
Their wings are ok too
It was hot
dead center in the middle of summer.
I was planning on going to a movie when I got the text from my sister,
A text that would stop everything
My cousin, maybe a year or two older than me,engaged to be married
A daughter on the way
committed suicide

I want to talk about this clearly
Point blank
Because I’ve been on the brink
And I have struggled with depression

I do not pretend to have the answers
But I can tell you this
I lost two people last year
My best friend
And my cousin
The year before that
I lost my dad

Life is nothing,nothing like we think it will be.

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But you have to keep living
Not in a depressed manner either
But with the understanding
That ANYTHING is possible
It opened my eyes
Now every time I see an auburn football fan I say
” War Eagle” just for Russ.
Because I always drove him up the wall about being a fan.

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I still struggle with depression
It’s a dark cloud
But
I choose to fight
Because
I believe in hope
And the light
I believe it’s worth it
It’s not me

 

 The thing is
If you’re struggling with change
If you’re struggling
You’re not alone
If you feel like you are not where you saw yourself being
You’re not alone
If you feel like you’ve been cheated
You’re not alone
You’re not alone
You are not defined
By your GPA
You are not defined by your job
You are not defined by who loves you
You are not defined by how much money you have
You are not defined by how much of your bucket list you’ve checked off

The important thing is
That you are happy
In your own skin
That you touch someone
That you leave them with good energy
Putting them at ease
That you are the best youthat you can be

I recently realised this
And I really had to struggle with it
But I remember how my mom’s home makes people feel at Christmas
Anyone can touch anything
Anyone can decorate the tree
Bake in the kitchen
Eat the cookie dough
(Burn the cookies)
They feel like they grew up with us
And they are usually more relaxed
Than in their own home

That’s good energy
And mom always gives advice to anyone
Leading off with
” you know what your problem is”
And boom
There ya go
( a southern lady setting you straight)
But I also figured out
I am a writer
I have to write
Everything I come in contact with touches my very soul
And I have to write it out
So I stopped defining myself by my day job and changed my perspective
This is who I am
It’s what I love
I could live anywhere in the world and do this
I remember sitting at work one night and a college kid asked me what I wanted to do
And I looked at him and said
” man, I should be jumping in oceans and documenting riots in Egypt”
He started laughing because he just didn’t get it
” Ethan’s life goal is jumping in oceans”

It’s fine
Don’t expect people to get excited about what you do
It doesn’t matter
All that matters is that you love it
When you get excited
The people you need
Will be attracted to you
That’s when connections are made
So drop your fear
And take a chance

One day I will move
Maybe not this day
But one day
I will have tea with my friends in the UK
One day I will write about drilling wells in Africa
Dreams are good
One day I will write a screen play
Dreams keep you moving forward
But Be flexible to change
It’s how you accept it that matters

I refuse to live in fear
I refuse to feel like less of a person
I refuse to give up
This is my life
And this is mine

One for the century

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Nerves on my skin are raw again
And I can’t focus
I’m at this place again

You come for me
But I’m not here
You look for me
But I’m not there
It takes two for it to work
Not one and the other at their
Convenience
I’m a terrible mess

And after all this time
I can’t believe
The pieces
I’ve hid away
That you can’t see
And no one ever told us about
The break after the fall
And no one ever told us
About the pain in
learning to walk
And between all the politics
And the world
And religion
And war
Somebody should have told us
That people aren’t objects
You can’t put them in cages to pour your love in and control
You can’t use people or judge them
Someone should have told us
The worst we can do
Is underestimate ourselves
Here we are numb at the starting gate
Hiding our shadows from the light
It’s been a long time coming
Can you help me make sense of this place ?
Can I hide my face in you?

The sea

” But there they are, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread.” – psalm 53:5

The world is changing everyday
I can see it in your face
And all we are
can’t shake our fate
And

Oh
my God
I see
Just what we’re running from

We fear what we don’t know
And nobody ever …
Everyone is growing old
Time isn’t about moving slow…

Take her away to sea
If time means anything
Forget about
Us and them
Our fate
Our place in anything
Cause
Oh my God
I see
Just why we’re breaking down
I see
Me run away again
Try my best to slow it down
But time keeps
sucking up my-mortality

If time means anything
take her out to sea
Swim through the galaxy
Forever we’d be free
From all I see…

Perspective points

You had my attention
And then
You told me why I shouldn’t
The cost is too high
The odds are against me
And that you would walk away

“But that’s just it” I said
Smiling at the worn out expression on your face

” you , would walk away , And I’m not you .”

Where you see a price
I see opportunity
Where you see a nightmare
I see …. Possibility … I dream of possibility .

life is perspectives
When others tell you to walk away
They are speaking on their terms.
Remember they see only one cut in the diamond . Change your perspective and you can see the world . You can make a life .

The Dying of The Light

Noel Gallagher’s AMAZING
The Dying Of The Light
I don’t always share songs but this is a demo … Never released .. I found it and was blown away .

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tmm6jtZu_1c&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DTmm6jtZu_1c

-Lyrics-

I keep on running but I can’t get to the mountain
Behind me lie the years that I mis-spent
And I’ve been sitting like a flower in the fountain
When all the love I’m gonna need is heaven sent

Gonna try my best to get there
But I can’t afford the bus fare
And the storm that’s rolling over
Man, it makes me wanna cry

When I was told
The streets were paved with gold
and there be no time for getting old when we were young
It’s alright, if you dance with me tonight
We’ll fight the dying of the light and we’ll catch the sun

Woke up sleeping on a train that was bound for nowhere
The echoes that I could hear were all my own
The world had turned and I’d become a stranger
Got tired of watching all the flowers turn to stone

Gonna try my best to get there
But I can’t afford the bus fare
And the storm that’s rolling over
Man, it makes me wanna cry

Feel the cold against my shoulder
When it comes on in the winter
And it seems to last forever
And it makes me wanna, makes me wanna cry

When I was told
The streets were paved with gold
and there be no time for getting old when we were young
It’s alright, if you dance with me tonight
We’ll fight the dying of the light and we’ll catch the sun

Gonna try my best to get there
But I can’t afford the bus fare
And the storm that’s rolling over
Man, it makes me wanna cry

When I was told
The streets were paved with gold
and there be no time for getting old when we were young
It’s alright, if you dance with me tonight
We’ll fight the dying of the light and we’ll catch the sun

And the cold against my shoulder
When it comes on in the winter
Man, it makes me wanna cry
And the cold against my shoulder
And seems to last forever
And it makes me wanna , makes me wanna cry

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Faithful unfaithful

Life is a process .
We are in process .
However.

The minute you hit her
The minute you cut off affection
The minute manipulation begins
The using
The minute you see her as an object.
That is unfaithfulness.

Unfaithfulness is more than what we’ve been taught to believe
I’ve heard many, many women say they can handle anything but silence …
You won her heart
That’s great
Are you still fighting for it ?

People evolve daily,personalities change – We change
Are you still trying to learn about her, grow with her ?

This life
It’s about what we say
And what we mean
It’s about who we invest our love and time in

It’s not so much about who we are becoming
As how we treat those along the way.Love, it’s difficult, it’s compromise,it’s honest.
It’s two people with their own things
Two lives
raw and open.
But it is worth it

I have no assumptions or  answers
I’m not going to pretend .  I’ve seen so many people hurt
I’ve heard so many people talk . Life isn’t about what we know
Or who’s right . It’s about healing and living
And being what each other need in the required moments. Life is about being real .
Be real .

Faithful,is about being real with one another
Learning and growing
And living together
When you start withholding portions of yourself
You cripple a vein in the relationship.

Life is a process .
We are in process .