Exist

I know, what voices cross the waters at Midnight

They keep reminding you

Of old versions of you

They’re there in the corner

———

My chest is flooded

My eyes are on fire

My throat is filled with coal

——-

Exist

Beyond what you were dreaming

All of your enemies already know ….

And these days

Are just a dry county

You’re waking up

———

I know what voices cross the waters

I know you know

But just so….

Keep existing

Keep believing

Keep walking

Your light won’t go out

Your soul is on fire

These are your days

Mute the noise

Photo origin unknown

Hold on

You’re waking up

Put your money where your mouth is

Can you even write a tune

Do you know what it is that you feel?

——

All the soldiers left the post

Ready or not

The new moon is out

The puppet is about to be real

Put your money where your mouth is

Do you know what it is that you bought

Do you do what they spell?

Do you even know what it is that you feel?

——

Hold on

Mute the noise

Main Street is closed

You’re waking up

Don’t be scared

You’re real

Exist above the mainstream

Thank you

For being here

You’re real

Beagle in the City #278

Simon: Bad news dad. I’ve decided I’m not talking to you.
Ethan: Oh really?
Simon: Yah, your polls are dropping. It doesn’t look good.
Ethan: Dang, and I was going to make sandwiches too…
Simon: I mean, I still have to eat. But I’m still not talking to you. Until I get what I want.
Ethan: What do you want ?
Simon: Hold on…I have to ask Francis, I can’t remember.
Francis: Enjoy your SADwiches….We’re voting you out of here.
Ethan: That’s the last time I leave NPR on the radio for you guys…

2020 #27

My eyes are filled with coal

My lungs, are violent,

The morning lightning lights my eyes

I can’t find the words

“Breath” and “breathe” are things I can’t write anymore

You sit and watch the world slip through time like sand washed away

Is it all over now?

Oh, let me follow you down

This numbness won’t last

Don’t tell me this too shall pass

Don’t tell me

Better days are ahead

They released too too much at once

Now we all are numb

Do you even feel the hunger?

Do you know what you crave?

Or do we pack ourselves with light

Taking from eachother

To fill this emptiness

You know we all are blown through

Shipwrecked

We find eachother

——

The world is burning behind you, girl…

Keep your eyes on me

I’ll dance with you in the street

——

What if these days don’t change?

What will you do?

Will we adapt?

Even the tightest grip slips

The biggest hearts break

Can you start all new?

——

We lack subtlety…

Pack ourselves with light

We’ve all been blown through

We try

To make ourselves feel real

We try to make ourselves feel

——

Impressions,love…

I stand there watching her

I drink from her cup

She smiles

Her brown eyes

Remind me of fall

“Experiences” she says

I kiss her forehead

I’ll take a lifelong impression over 100 experiences any day….I whisper

She holds her breath

I feel a little bit of light leave me

Maybe we can remake the world

Maybe we can love after all

Silent Film Actress Marie Doro, 1902.

2020 #26

She’ll love you, with eyes so bright. You will realise your hunger and your curse. As you walk through this world.

Today they are burning down the streets. The changing of the guards is still incomplete…

And I know, I know, it’s easy once you’ve been burned, to turn your face to the cold and blame your long time family curse, and I know it hurts….

But look around dear, how many of us, really feel anything, anymore around here?

I loved you like the first, I loved you with my best…

She’ll love you, she’ll pull you in…out in the open fields…

You can’t box her in…

She’s anger, she’s fists, she’s fire, she’s all woman…but she breaks so easily…she’s scared of the reality of being…

She changed her mind

And disappeared like smoke

All you can do is hope

She felt your heart next to hers

Now let her go

Turn your face to the sun

And don’t you turn cold

2020 #25

He comes up at noon

Looking for truth

I washed my face

And said, hey kid, if you avoid conflict, you’ll start a war inside yourself.

-what am I supposed to do?

I just sat there with my coffee…

Be better than you were yesterday.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone.

– I don’t know what she needs…

I looked at the streets weathered blue underneath its yellow…thought about how we are all weathered anyway. Everyone has something.

Just listen to her. Listen to her. And believe what she says.

– Oh I can’t do that she has—

Listen, you talk to her. She’s your lover now. You get to deal with all of it.

She’ll get restless around midnight. Try to hide it. But like the stars, she can’t hide this.

Don’t try to change her. Just love her.

And let her go.

Because she’ll love you like a woman.

But she’ll leave you like a girl.

He sat there. I knew he wasn’t listening.

He was trying to box her in. Fix this. But he can’t fix this.

A car passed us. A father was yelling at his kids.

Listen, I said. Just love her. While you can, forget about experiences, worry about impressions. Let her know, you care. How does she feel when you’re not there?

-what?

Let her know you’re thinking of her.

So she feels you even when you’re not there. Impressions. Not experiences.

Just love her. ‘Cos you can’t change her. She’s like the sun. She’s been burning for a long, long, time.

Living with Crohn’s #3

It’s always really difficult for me to write about my disease.

However, I have noticed a lot of people asking a lot of questions around the inter webs and nets.

And like anything, it’s easier to write a grocery list when you’re hungry, or a love poem when you’re in the passions of desire. Or a country song, when you’re, anything else; Your cat died, your truck was repo-d and your lover left you for whoever did your taxes…

It’s generally easier to write about Crohn’s disease when I’m having a flare up.

Which brings us here. To my bathroom… look around, I’m in the tub. Soaking. Listening to Bob Dylan.

I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease 13 years ago…

This is what a Crohns flare looks like ….
It twists in the gums like a knife
It blisters your lips
It stabs in the gut like hot steel
Your joints ache and pop
You’re exhausted
You can’t eat certain foods that other people can
Your “healthy”
Looks very different.
You present well, because this is invisible.
Most mornings you’re nauseous …
Gut issues affects your brain.
So you fight depression and anxiety… I’ve had Crohn’s disease for 13 years…
It is different because it’s inflammation throughout your body and gut…
And it affects all layers of your gut tissue… You still get up
You still go to work
You do the work
You do the work.
Not everyone can
But I’m glad I can.
This is day three of a flare up
This is what it looks like.
It’s going to be different for everyone.
But if you pay attention and communicate with your people and your healthcare professionals…because they can’t read minds…you can manage this disease. It is a disease. But it doesn’t have to define you or overwhelm you. Let the courage to continue define you. Even in the bad days.

Beagle in the City #276

Simon: dad, dad,dad, is that a sandwich?

Simon: with lettuces, mustard, cheeses, two May toes, and deli sliced ham?

Ethan: Uhm, maybe.

Simon: I too enjoy those things…

I mean, I really wish I had a sandwich.

(Five minutes later)

Ethan: Simon, where’s your brother Francis? Francis? !? Dang. Help me find him…

Simon: Uhm What? How do I do that? He’s not here.

Ethan: your nose!

Simon: dad, don’t be a dumb dumb, I can’t find Francis with my nose! That’s just silly.

Ethan: ok, sure, you can’t count either, but you know when I have three crackers left…

Bleeding Ink #1,477

Some years ask questions

Some years ask for sacrifice

Hold on now, the truth is coming in

——-

Like the tide now,

Some water is deeper

Some hearts are stone

Sunlight is easy

When it’s on her face

Sometimes your city

Burns before your eyes

——-

Some years ask questions

There’s a kid with batteries

He’s playing Star Trek

Red on black

Black on gold

He doesn’t know he’s poor

He just knows he’s happy

When the sun goes down

———

I’ve carried this darkness

Since before my father died

I was there that night

I read his old letters

I cast his demons aside

Some questions get answered

Some you just have to lay down

———

I still see this darkness

I know it will take me

It’s just a matter of when

Some things I won’t understand

But we all are running out of time

I just keep laying words down

——-

They said they found him

With two shotgun shells

Some things are too too heavy

I stood there asking

Was it the darkness

Or was it his heart?

Sometimes you’re happy

And lady

When you smile….

Half of me is sun

Half of me is moon

I learned to live with this darkness

Some days are nightfall

Some days you just have to look for the light

——-

Some years….

Some years

Lady you’re a free girl now

You just keep walking

You’ll make it

A pocketful of questions

A handful of stones that you lay down….