Log 2

Do you remember the house

On the mountain?

I’ve explored a planet

It reminds me of that solitude

……..

Look at how many apps we have

To distract us

To keep us busy

——-

I was never there

Not really

I was never with you

——-

If I were with you

Now

——

If, huh, I know that sounds like it’s too late ….

——

You’re like these stars and these moons

You’re my moon and all my stars

I couldn’t take my eyes off you….

…….

-E

Number the stars

It’s said
That Jupiter
Shields earth from asteroids
Without ever blocking it with its shadow ….
Think about that kind of love and rising…
To love like that…
And never make a big deal about it …
But I will love you …
And we will talk about everything and nothing
And I will number the stars in your skin
I will trace the scars
From your unspoken battles
And I will thank you
Without words
But with my lips
Until we eclipse
Until every star
Has fell from every sky
That’s how we will rise

-regardingsamuel.com

Language

We were sleepwalking

Passing each other

Like two ghosts haunting the same

House

New bedclothes

New furnishings

Plates

But no appetite

No desire

——

2020 on the forecast

Nothing we planned came to pass

We are frightened

By nothing

Flattened by morning

——

What is appetite?

Craving

Look me in the eye

Your skin

Your sin

Look me in the eyes

You’ll see my poetry

Waiting all night

To see you

It’s not masked by this year

It’s brought back

To the base value

The foundation

Remove the complexities

The trivial

——

Appetites

Cravings

Passions

Your skin

Your lips

We don’t have to move

Through time

Waiting

For right moments

Perfect places

They don’t exist

Our bodies moving together

There are still some things

We can say

Without speaking

-regardingsamuel.com

lettres de passion #3

Where does the sun Go to rest? It’s mid July And already Winter…

y a-t-il un mot
pour le souffle entre chaque baiser

(is there a word
for the breath between each kiss)

it’s an ocean of stars
Inside that moment

neige en juillet
(Snow in July)

Your eyes

This sky

Everything is fleeting

Here
There
Gone

But you
Me
We know these things
And
Every moment fleeting
Is eternal
We’re present
taste the fruit
The wine

Is there a word?
For that?
It’s unspoken
Only felt
In every embrace
Every kiss
Every time our hands touch

Bleeding Ink 1,604

There’s all these voices

I look around the room

I close my eyes

Some raise a glass

Expect me to just hate women

My phone blows up

“Look at this.”

“Go to therapy.”

“Take 4 years.”

Everyone has an opinion

I watch the room

I spent all those years

Doing what I thought was best

Buying flowers

Writing letters

Making dinner

Dances in the kitchen

I still didn’t do everything right, I guess

It’s not one persons fault

I won’t complain

I’m not going to cry in my beer

I’ve seen that

Too too many times

I watch the room

I feel nothing

I feel nothing at all

That’s the worst part

I don’t hurt

I’m not angry

I cannot possibly drink enough

And I feel nothing at all

“You know what you should do? You should go sniff and hit everything you can.”

But I feel nothing at all…

Only the blues

There’s an isolation inside

And I know

There’s going to be a morning

When the sun will rise

And I will only write

About that deep blue

That is her eyes

Just give it time

Even the sea is calm

At the darkest of the night

And I try to think

But the words can’t be found

And I try to drink

But there’s never enough

So I watch the room

And accept this too

This feeling – Nothing

Hoping I don’t become some kind of

Bitter southerner

That’s all

I don’t want to be hung up

I don’t want to be bitter

They expect me to just hate

But have you ever

Talked for hours with a woman

Danced without hesitation

Read until the morning

With her hand in your hand

And her head on your chest

There’s a thousand other intimacies

She gives you before you’re in her bed

I know this will pass

This feeling nothing

Things that don’t suck 2

Things that don’t suck

Realising

You can still make amazing dinners

But for yourself,

Champagne, The Rat Pack, steak…

Not having the dinner thrown in the trash…

Not having someone get up and just leave or go to bed after you make it

Ties, tie clips, waistcoats, fedoras, hardsole shoes…

New jeans…

A cigar dipped in bourbon

Hennessy

A classic sidecar recipe

Jazz

Asus chord

Guitar

Cheesecake

Buying yourself flowers every month instead of someone else

Writing letters

Thunderstorms

Pasta (always pasta)

Setting goals

Crushing goals

Walking your dog

Accepting that you were a good husband

And forgiving yourself for what you did in survival mode…

Watching the sunrise

Bleeding ink 1,519

I read somewhere that if a man cares about you…you won’t ever have to wonder how he feels…

He will remind you.

So I was thinking about you…

And I hope you are good

I hope your days are good

I hope you find the love

That is slow and deep

So deep that you can’t feel the bottom

I hope it’s the champagne kind of love…

I hope you are reminded daily

Even when he isn’t there

She said something about the honeymoon being over

It isn’t supposed to last

It’s a marriage after all…

But marriage is an island babe.

If you don’t bring it,

You won’t find it here…

So bring it

Bring the champagne

Bring the slow dances

Bring the starry eyes

Bring the ties

The lipstick

The records

Whatever it takes

To make it through

Bring that

How else will they know?

That they’re the only thing you see

Across the room?

-regardingsamuel.com

2020 #17

My dear,

My darling,

I’ve been carrying this weight…this image…of a future.

I always

Have a flare up when I feel something like this move through me…

Bobby Kennedy was assassinated on this June day 1968

I think it’s like James Baldwin said…

We easily forget how young everyone was then…

He met with Lorraine Hansberry and Baldwin in 1963

Author of raisin in the sun

Kennedy was only 38.

Lorraine would of course die at the age of 34… and Kennedy would be assassinated just 5 years later at the age of 43.

The Kennedys were appalled at the living conditions of black Americans. They were young and changing their minds about things. But like James said, this was the cost of segregation, it was a Great Wall between us. You never REALLY got to know eachother.

And you didn’t feel that you had a place set for you at the table for the American dream. You were an opportunity a pawn but you were not really represented. If you rose up and talked like white men you were dangerous.

A friend of mine wrote me and reflected that same emotion. That she always pretended we were the same but she’s afraid we are really not.

It’s not a race issue

It’s an apathy issue

A distance

We don’t want to know or see or hear.

We want the horrors to stay over there.

We are all brothers and sisters

Lovers

But we are so comfortable I don’t know that we would even be moved anymore…

Maybe we really do struggle with a mental fear, while black Americans live in the reality. The reality that these horrors are daily events and just a step away.

Bobby believed

And he changed his mind

He moved in those directions.

Darling,

I’m going to be 31 this year

I’m thinking about the youthfulness of these people…

I’m thinking about their ability to hold ideas

I’m thinking about all of the people and the youth we have already lost…

I’m believing we have hope

This is home to all of us

And this is America

Hang in there.

We must face ourselves.

So we can love eternal.