Ash

We are all living on the edge of the day
Out here
It’s what we know
If something good
This way should come
Would we even be able to get up to get it
We can’t even afford to make the break
For something better
——
What gold dust promise
Did they feed you
To put your mind to rest in the night
——
Under class
Coming in last
What broken bones
Did you learn to walk on
What pain did you put at the back of your mind
———
We grew up at the back of the line
We’ve always been
On welfare
We’ve always been waiting
For another
Just one more
Week
Day
Next
Next time will be better
Next love
Next job
Next life
—-
Next
—-
Paradise is out – there
Somewhere
——-
If help is out there
It’s too too late
All the power is off
All the food is gone
All the ills
And bills are due
All the panic is strong
All the history is gone
Does it look good on you?
They want you to stay quiet
But your words are all you’ve got
If I should fade
It’s all I’ve got
I’m leaving
I’m out of ideas
My weight left in the night
I’m not even hungry
I tried to get out
But you can’t even make the break
You’re so far behind
They shoot you at the gate
You try
There’s nothing to fall back on
My pulse is gone
My mind is fog
My heart is ash
My tongue is cut out
My blood is cold
It never let’s go
It never lets go
It never lets go
-Regardingsamuel.com

Sureness

Trust me
When I say
There will be things in life
You will be unsure of
Tax returns
Hummus
Avocados
Speed limits
Correct dates of Apts
The spelling of wed- whatever
But there are somethings
That you will NOT be unsure of
Love is one of them
What you bring to the table
Is one of them
You deserve

Chicken soup
On sick days
Massages
Sweaters
Dances in the kitchen
Showers together
Month long birthdays
And month long valentines
Sunday brunches
Christmas
Letters
Fresh flowers
Always
But uncertainty in love
And yourself
Is not one of them
So if they are uncertain
Just leave
Because you deserve sureness
You deserve
Everything you bring
And more
-Regardingsamuel.com

Sold down the river

But oh
When the kids ask
About the pictures
Stained
From the dirt and ash and tears and blood
You tell them the truth
——
From the dirt
We rose
Hearts of dust and rust
And thorns
And the banks kept calling
And all you had is what you had left
And any touch you had
Was just too far off
——
The love you had
Whatever love you held
Checked out
And you kicked them out
And patched the holes in the walls
They don’t come around here anymore
——
And we drank
To hide the shame
And the pain
And to feel nothing
——
That’s the thing
About being that far behind
They’re loading the chamber
You’re on the line
The bullseye
——
Sure it levels every man
Sure
It evens out in the end
If you survive
——
But out of time is out of time
Dust is dust
Whatever help
Was coming
Took too, too long
So you had your breakdown
You burned out
Because that’s the thing
Too late is too late
Out of time is out of time
——
Tell the kids that
You tell them how it really was
How you had to rebuild
Making bricks from mud and ash.

-E

Freedom

Maybe it’s too close
To the chest
We pick the weapons we know best
I’ll take the knives
That cut at my sides,
The dream.
She’ll take the chains
That she can break through,
Run.
Give us freedom,
Like the crow flies.
Give us freedom,
Like the sunrise.
Give us freedom,
From our nightmares,
Trash in the floor,
Because of a credit card accidentally thrown away.
Raised voices
Thrown chairs,
Slamming doors,
And words…
Words that you live and die by
Used against you.
Used to hurt eachother
In the darkness.
You get what you have,
Worse,
You get what you are
What you really are
And multiply….
Give us freedom
Like the crow flies
Give us freedom
From our last past, worse self
Give us freedom.
To live and die
Give us freedom from
My sickness
Freedom from
Lying in a bathtub with my own blood
Freedom from the weight loss
Freedom for my mind
Freedom
Give us freedom
Because I’m building
I’m working
I’m winning
And I refuse to give in
Freedom
-E

Dear you

Origin

Photo origin

I know you feel like nothing

I know you feel like you’re overwhelmed

On your own

Feel it

You’re doing better than you think you are

Alnitak, is the brightest class 0 star in the sky ….found in Orion’s Belt…

1,262 light years from earth

Your light

Even overwhelmed

Even isolated

Is like this blue super giant

I know you think there are thousands just like you….

But this is you

Keep going

You’re doing better than you think you are

You’re unique

You matter

And when I look across the city

When I look across the room

When I look…

I always see you

I don’t know how not to…

-E

Love

“I miss my dad. He kind of died on this day.”
“From what you’ve told me, he was shitty. You pick your family. They’re not blood.”

I probably should’ve left then…
We were just incompatible
And it’s not anyone’s fault….
It’s just how things go. We were so young.

You’re going to lose,
You already know how this ends.
It’s not you against the world,
It’s you against you,
Against your ideals,
Your ego.

Beauty fades
Sex fades
You’re going to lose,
Businesses
Careers
Finances
Children
Parents
Siblings
Pets
Each other
Mental health
Health
——
It’s hospitals
NG tubes
Surgery
——-
It’s more than
Netflix and chill
More than
Romance
More thank vacations
More than weekends
——
You will win too
You will have weddings
And children
And birthdays
Holidays
Valentines
Weekends
Sunday breakfasts
Hours and hours of the best sex
But it’s so, so important that
You find someone
Who understands
What it is to lose
And how to just be there
When you do not feel
Your best self
——
Because you will lose
You already know
How this ends
We all do
And I hope you are fortunate
To find someone
You can grow with
And grow old with
Understand
One of you may take growing old
Harder than the other
That you may look
And say it’s like you’ve
Fell in love fifty different times
With every new version
Of each other
see
That love
Is evolving
It’s an empty home
That you fill
And you both have furniture and ideas ….
I hope you understand
You get what you already have
And multiply it….
May it always be peace
Understanding
And a place you can call home.
But most of all
Love.
-E
Regardingsamuel.com

These mountains

We’re wide awake
Keeping it too close to the heart, babe
There’s no way to know
How long we will be around
——
It sticks in the sides
Hot steel
Like fire and suicide
Acid rain and fog
Behind the eyes
It shows in the fracking
To the gut
The scars never heal
The stapled flesh
——
Let the world run through you
Open highway
It’s just the words in front of your eyes
Textured rooms
Broken vessels
Hearts that try to change
Struggle with the strain
So against
A greatest hits
For broken souls
Declaring this is not our end
——-
Let’s keep it close to the heart
Keep it taken care of
Everyday there’s some kind of pain
But what else is ever going to change
—-
Some days I can’t eat
And some days I can’t see
Some days I drink just to numb the noise
And stop writing things down
And damn
Oh my girl
She’s got starship eyes
She says she knows
How things burn down
She knows how things end

In shutdown towns

Let’s keep it close
To the heart
Keep it close to the start
Keep it real
Acid rain and fog behind my eyes
And cracking hands
Fracking gut
And
Sea of dreams
Riding the river
Riding across this mountain
Born out of shutdown towns
——
We’re wide awake
Keep it close
close
To the heart
to the start
Keep it real

-E