Don’t light up the  Christmas tree,grandma. There’s a drought going on. 

We decorated for Halloween by taping the candy to the door and letting everyone just take it. It was pretty great. 
It was also 90 degrees. 

On this day. November the 5th, it was 70 degrees. That is the coolest it has been all year. There has been a whopping zero percent chance of rain all summer. 

See, zero.  Do you know how insane that is? That’s  “Nope. It ain’t gonna happen. Don’t even look for it. If you think you saw it, you didn’t. Because it’s not there. They don’t even have the ingredients for it. ” 

That’s what zero is. It’s dry. 

Which incidentally, makes  it difficult to get excited for the Holidays. Just picture it…

Yeah, let’s grab some lights and hot chocolate with apple cider and bake a turkey. Put this funky sweater on. I don’t care how sweaty you are, this Wool and Corduroy will wick it right up, stop complaining, it’s only 94 outside. This family picture is going to happen! When I was little we had a blizzard to contend with. We were stuck inside with family for a week! Now be still so we can take this thing and go home so I can work on my tan!

This year is going to be great.

We did decorate for fall though. 

I also got some sick shoes as an early Christmas present. Because my wife is amazing. I went to see my younger brother and sister today. He wants a leggo set and to be old enough to purchase a rated M video game. 

My sister wants fuzzy socks.

And I just want to be able to remember where I put my keys and a day to do absolutely nothing with. 

Also, I would like it to rain. A lot. A steady rain for a week. You don’t realise how much you miss it, until it’s gone. Something I can watch  from my window. But that’s just the writer/reader in me. 


Cooking 101

So we are doing Blue Apron

And it’s pretty fantastic. 

I don’t know why I’m telling you this.You probably already know. 

Our first meal was of course 

Something very easy. 

Salmon…or was it tilapia? 

It was salmon 

And quinoa salad
Now if you are unfamiliar 

With the quinoa …


Is like …essentially …


But worse. 

It just gets all over everything 

It’s small 

And it’s healthy 

And grainy 

So if you are ever hungry 

And want to eat an entire harvest of a thing 

Go get quinoa 

It’s also surprisingly difficult to deal with 

Surprising because it doesn’t do anything 

It just sits there 

Being itself 

It’s not alive 

It’s not in a shell 

Like lobster 

All you are required to do 

Is be sanitary with it 

wash it 

And boil it


we really had no idea how to strain it. 

Because it’s so small. 

And I thought cheese cloth would be a great idea. 

If we had cheese cloth. 

So finally 

I decided 

To just use a coffee filter 

Because it strains coffee 

And quinoa is a lot like coffee 

Only healthier I’m sure.

Although it can’t make me get out of bed in the morning. I’ll tell you that. 

In the end 

Blue apron is great 

It comes in boxes 

And it’s like Christmas 

But in a very caveman way 

Because it’s food 

And quinoa salad is swell 

And delicious 

But a pain to have to handle 

But probably not as bad as squid.

Because if they ever send a box with squid I just don’t think I could handle that.