Time Levels

I’m at a place in my life
Where I’m tired of excuses
Everyone has them
I’m tired of looking for someone else to blame
That ties and binds
I want freedom
And that comes from the liberation
Of accepting responsibility
Rather than surrendering that to something else
——
If I want to change I have to change
I have to face myself
——
I’m for
Whatever gets you through
as long as it doesn’t hurt someone
And as long as we understand
We can’t ask people or expect people to be like us
It’s a very solitary road
But I don’t mind
Just being alive is exciting
You can live passionately
And impact lives
For the better
Without asking them to change
And be like you
Give a hand
To help eachother UP
Help eachother level up
Believe in one another
And your community
There’s room for all of us
Let there be love
-E

Solitude

These are the great places,
Where you can find solitude
Not just alliteration of words correspondence of sound between one thing or the endings of another
But
A connection of the heart and the soul
Of heaven and earth
Reminded of our brevity and our long reach for eternity…

The wind comes down and cleans us from everything that weighs us down…

This is just one season
Hid away
From everyone
Hoping for something that lasts
Longer than …
Whatever this is…
Has been…

Curious of communication
Of legacy

How shall we escape
If we hold grudges
If we do not hold fast
To the vision
We all are created equal
Pride in our past in what we have accomplished in where we are going…
Those who have risen to high places
Do not hear us …they cannot hear us from the mountain top..they hold the vision
But us here in this bitter earth…
Our daughters hear us
Our children hear us
Our wives hear us
How shall we escape
If we do not hold the vision ourselves ?

I hide away in the great places ….

Forever is but a moment

My back yard

I just want solitude

And beauty too

And if that rings true

You don’t have to give me forever

Just another moment with you

——///

Don’t let time pass you by

I know you have to go

The shadows are covering the sky

But I hope

I left you something

Good

I hope

I left you something

To remember

I hope

In this solitude

this beauty

That is you

Out of mind

There’s a man

Going around

Passing out promises

Gold and silver too

But the success

Never reaches down this far

No,

They won’t follow you down

And every woman I know

Works harder than two men

And they love

And they bleed

And they sew up our needs

And like Cash said

“When the man comes around”

Well, they won’t follow you down

So we fight

And we survive

Even when our paychecks

Barely make it through

What else are we to do

The silver and gold

Doesn’t come down this far

But they pass it around

With promises too

But they won’t follow you down

—-///

And I

I can’t write

My head is filled with clouds

I try to sit

But I can’t breathe

I watch the colour in the trees

And I think

About the dumpster on the side of the road where we used to get shoes and we used to get books…

And I think

About time

I hope I’ve used mine

Well

I think about the old man

Who lived in a school bus

And had a teenager for a wife

Her eyes said she had escaped something worse

A sort of curse

But I was too young to understand

Now, I think as I try to write, what good am I? What good am I?

If we can’t listen

If we look away

What good am I

And what good have I done …

A clouded head is part of Crohn’s

Just like the ache in the bones

The shouting stomach

The anxiety and the depression

I write about it but I can’t talk about it

And you’ll never see it

I guess

We all are just stories in the end

And we want what we want

And we say it sets us apart

And we expect others to know

But part of us stays on the road

Because even we don’t know…

And all we have is time…

Liberty

I think we forget

What it was really like

Two wars

A collapsing economy

Faster than the Great Depression

The month he took office

We had lost 800,000 jobs

Just in that month

Within a year

We had jobs growing instead of losing

Tech and globalization

Education and healthcare costs

Economy bubbles

Heated

By investors

How do you build something that works for everyone?

One wife

A reader

A picture of the american dream

The promise that you could

Work hard and reach any dream

But we were not ok with that

How do you figure out a way to process truths

Facts?

If we live through

Algorithms

Through a phone

That build on our biases

Polarizing us

Watching only media that puts us in a bubble …

How do we value truth ? And facts ?

Character and honor

This is not Reagan country

This is not Kennedy country

This is not Mayberry

They would not recognize us

They would not be proud of us ….

Human decency and respect and empathy

Should be base value

But it is not here…

What happened to the values that carried us here?

The basic values

Be honest

Be kind

Treat everyone with respect

Work hard

What happened to us?

How can we

Return

Would Christ still say

“Forgive them for they know not what they do?”

When we say things like

“We knew what he was.”

“But.”

If my ex wife or a woman is vulgar

Or loud

It’s wrong

But if a man does it

It’s presidential

How do we come back from this

We are so divided

And how

Can we pray ??

When we say things like

“This man was put here by god,to stop communism…”

I thought we wanted smaller government ?

This is not Reagan country

This is not a shining city on a hill

We are unrecognisable

But

I still believe

In the seeds

In the ability to believe in ourselves

And our communities

We can return

And we can

Meet the cause

Should Christ have refused the cross?

Should

Our fathers

Refused to storm the beaches of Normandy?

We’ve never been here before

Because we have

Technology

That we don’t even understand

And it’s using

Our own weaknesses against us

But we keep looking for an intruder

Liberty has fallen

We shaved her head in the marketplace

A spectacle

For the world to see

And they will remember

How we’ve acted

What we’ve said

And how we defended ourselves

And reasoned and split our minds in half ….

How do you back pedal?

You can’t

Like

Trying to find the census Russia smudged

Because it showed the unnatural death count

In the 30s

So they shot the census takers

Here we are 33k deaths in the US

Masks

Shutdowns

Businesses closing

How do we move forward ?

What happened to chivalry

To classic badassery?

To rising to the challenge ?

Leadership?

We are more than masses

Blue states,red states, we are more…

Our parents lost jobs in the first recession

They lost homes

We are survivors

We are Americans

On the Importance of being

Is poetry important right now?

Is it relevant?

Did the ’90s have it right?

Is God dead?

Why even bother?

How do I write or create and give proper representation to everyone…

Can it even be done?

—-///

Look at the Sistine chapel

The creation of Adam

What if we all stopped and froze

What if there were no German poets?

Because they halted their breath after WWII?

You have to speak

You have to be brave enough

To look at yourself

Look at the world you walk through

And make notes

—///

And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself with; and he sat down among the ashes.

-Job 2:8

Job didn’t have a pastor, a minister, a doctor or a psychiatrist. He didn’t have anything, his family were dead, his livestock dead, his wife was unkind. She told him to curse God and die. in an effort to give him some relief. And ease his suffering.

But he said

“I can’t, I know too much, I’ve seen too much, I can’t go back…”

He scraped his boils with pottery…

To give some relief….

—////

Art,poetry,creating is important because it is what we live for…

It’s the colours of living. It’s life…

You’re unique, you stand out, you view the world separately and differently, there is only one you.

We’re not supposed to fit in.

Or be like anyone else…

That’s why history has those few remnants, those that create.

They look at the world and they make notes and they write what they see.

Fb, apps, algorithms?

If you’re waiting for it to be safe…

To discern truth for you?

You’ll die waiting…

These things are not the truth tellers…

That’s me and you…

It’s up to us to discern what is truth…

I’ll say it again…

All of this fake and false and upsetting and black clouds and thunderstorms and the future is dead and god is dead and we have to remake everything so it’s perfect and there is no hurt hearts or shocked eyes?

It’s not real.

Too much perfection is a mistake

It’s up to us to discern truth

What we see and what we read

We Create

We speak

We build a better tomorrow

Because we live through and in today

All the algorithms

Will always be just that

An algorithm

A process

A highway

For Information

But it’s up to us

To drive it

And discern the navigation

Like a library

—-

So yes

Poetry

Art

Life

Is always in the now

Right here

Right now

It’s so important

It’s you

It’s our hearts

It’s vital

To our existence

So go

Create

Live

Be bold

If you make mistakes

It’s ok

That’s just life

We grow

We live

But do not stand in fear …

We can’t go back

We’ve seen too much

We’ve lived through too much

And this art

This art is for everyone

There’s room for every heart.

-E

Log # 4

Maybe the earth writes poetry

In its ruins

I wonder if it keeps memory

In the darkness

Like pockets

——-//

Remember when we were young?

How naive we were?

We thought love would burn long and hot

But it was the cold mornings

It was the long nights

Of holding so tightly

To memory

That keeps it going ….

It’s choosing

—-////

Space is cold

Space is dark

And I’m trying to remember

I’m trying to remember

——-////

We are here

And then we are gone ….

Like so many stars….

I’m writing this letter

Please

Try to remember

The good in me ….

And if there is bad….

Let it be the darkness behind the light ….

——///

May the light shine brighter for it …

You

Are

all my lights

I see only you

The 40 hour work week

– why won’t she talk to me? I don’t understand…we had so much in common and now she’s just disappeared again! She comes and goes and I don’t know what to do…

I watched as my friend continued this emotional rollercoaster holding her face in her hands, blaming herself, hating herself, for simply caring or opening up…

-Listen,

I said

– you may never get the closure you want or feel that you need. And you have to be ok with that. Some people, go through people. When they’re bored, or lonely, or missing something…some people get easily distracted and just lose track….they have tunnel vision. When it’s on you it’s great. When it’s not it’s cold…

I don’t know what to tell you, it’s really up to you. What are you going to be ok with? We all work. We all have lives. It takes 3 seconds to send a message. Are you worth three seconds?

(Our other friend waved his hands in the air agreeing.)

– you know,

He started his own soap box of psycho babble

– it’s in what you give. I always give a lot of cash and attention

I stopped him

– Your girlfriend didn’t fall in love with you because of your presents, I don’t know, maybe she did, maybe she didn’t…but she also left you….

She fell for you because you gave her your attention

You let her know when you were thinking about her

You let her know even though you were busy, you were working, that you were still thinking about your queen.

You valued her…

The presents were just a plus and then you stopped and you got lazy after you got her and she left

Because she knew what you were capable of and she knew what she was worth…

You have to dance with people

And you have to let them know you care

And you have to make your mind up

What are you going to be able to live with?

Half hearts ?

Mediocre

Or are you going to show up

Say what you feel and mean

But have a standard to it

(He just stared at me)

– anyway it’s the presents, you have to buy your way in.

(Stop man just stop.)

– I don’t know what is right or wrong

People want to be craved, they want to be desired, they want to be fought over and pursued. And some people get so used to looking for something better and all the choices that they forget someone may not pick them or chase them and they just go through people. Or they can’t make a decision at all.

They freeze

I don’t know

It’s really up to you

But you can’t make her mind up yourself

You can only make yours

What are you going to be able to live with?

(She stared at the floor)

– I don’t know, I’m not sure….everything hurts.