Letters to a Nurse 19

It’s light here

This space

We’ve made together

It’s light here

Our backs against the weather

what we have

We’ve made

Against the winter

Against the night

This space

Just for us….

Adulthood may be dark

The future of our discontent

But right here

At home

Right in the now

This moment


the ingredients

For all our tomorrows

Quickly becoming yesterday

It’s light

With you

It’s always light

In mid November

Leaves on the ground


gray sun

First frost

It’s warm

It’s light

It’s Home


Ethan Bethune

Dear Mr President 

I recently took the time to send an email. I’ve never sent one quite like this. And I wasn’t expecting an answer. You don’t have to comment-I just wanted to share this moment with you.


The President of the United States. 

Ethan Bethune 

July 27th 

Fort Payne, Alabama. 
Dear Mr President, 

I just wanted to take the time to write you and say, thank you. Thank you for these past eight years of leadership and service you have given us. 
I live in Alabama, probably the most conservative state. And I have grown up under your administration…for the most part…but since I started asking questions and really looking at things…

I have to say, thank you. For what you have accomplished for science, and women’s rights, for equality and for arts and education. 

Thank you. 

And judging by this election, if this is any standard for the government you have been working with…

You have accomplished a stellar amount. I really believe we are moving forward. We can’t go back. 
I hope you and your family are well. 

I’m just a 27 year old writer of poetry and stories about our shelter dog. I know you deserve a break and some time for yourselves. . .

But I really wish we could just keep you. If only for a while longer. 
Take care. And thank you,again. Sir. 


Ethan Bethune.


The kid with the rubber band gun



A lot of people have been congratulating me lately on my engagement. And their children find it incredibly interesting. There’s one kid,who always thinks I’m Tony Stark…

 (Little kids think I’m a superhero and adults think I’m JFK JR…but there’s nothing like the elderly and their deceased grandchild to bring it back down to earth.) 

He was just standing there, shooting me in the throat with a rubber band gun,asking questions. “Why did you want to do that?.” And then his sister wanted to see a picture of the ring…so I showed them a picture of the ring and they both said …”buy me a ring like that!” And then my Larynx was shot with another rubber band…and the question was asked again…”why did you buy her a ring like that?” 

“I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my best friend and grow old together rather than apart.” 

They just looked at me…

His sister tilted her head and then said “I think you liked her too.” I laughed “Maybe just a liiittle bit.”  – Another rubber band bullet – “you like her!! You like her!!”  They both were saying it. “Well,you have me there. We do like each other. Very very much. I guess I can’t hide the truth from two clever people like you.” 


In other news…

People have been coming up to me and telling me…”I was up ’till 3am reading your blog…I read all of it.” I really don’t know what to say to things like this…I just thank them. Because I am thankful.Without you guys I’m nothing I just can’t get used to people actually reading anything I write.

But if it’s…I don’t know what you call yourselves these days…teenagers I guess,we will go with teenagers.It is substantially easier…I say, “did you get to the dark matter? …the stuff that echoed Trent Reznor? …then you didn’t read all of it…but be thankful for that. You stopped just in time.” 

And they look at me and say “you don’t look like the sort of person that would listen to Nine Inch nails…” And I just laugh and say “it was a very strange time in my life and I was very young.Be glad you weren’t there. Trust me.” 


Cooking is so much easier now. Today I made chicken.Frickin’ Fried Chicken.And a salad that I didn’t understand-but it was so good-did you know,almost every meal requires Olive Oil? I should have invested in Olive Oil. Forget motor oil…invest in cooking oil.  

I’m drinking cold coffee…which still smells almost like warm coffee..I think I like the idea of coffee…I just never really finish it…which drives L crazy…that’s what we will call her …L…

Everyone thinks I’m on a diet because we started cooking…this is not the case…but I will eat anything. And L knows this. And she will tell you too…because I am just glad to be eating. Before ,I just had yogurt and vodka. I never cooked until we started dating. And then I started making meals and soup for her to take for lunch. Many of which ….were not that great. I can’t believe she even finished them. I remember getting one text that said …”this is great. But. salt and pepper dude,embrace it.” 
But – from burning water.To fried chicken? And sharing recipes with people?? Not bad. Not bad at all. 


The Inspirational Blogger Award

Thank you,Kara
For nominating me for this award.
Everyone be sure to go check out her
Amazing Site.I’ve been a big fan for a while.
This is the second time I’ve been nominated for this award but the first for 2015
I don’t see anything against seconds
one can get more than 1 Oscar…so why not?


Thank the blogger who nominated you
List the rules and display the award
Share seven facts about yourself
Nominate other amazing blogs and comment on their blog to let them know you nominated them

There’s not a lot you don’t know about me…I’m an open book.
I’m southern
I don’t drive a truck
Or fish
Or hunt
My friends say I’m more like a british person but without the accent
I don’t know what that means
But here we are.
Sometimes I zone out while people are talking to me
And imagine they’re getting hit by a comet. If that helps in any way.
Of course I like books
And theatre…
And coffee…
I mean most of us do though,right?

Writing does not come easy for me
It never has
I get an idea
And I just kind of carry it around for a while and then I let it go
So in that way,it is,easy I suppose.
But only in a very “let’s climb Mount Kilimanjaro” sort of way,you know?.

I was homeschooled
And no,I can not speak Latin,French or any other amazingly impressive languages…or design homes and my future family…
However I may clean my glasses while talking with you…but don’t take it personally…its me,not you.

I am not against television
Joss Whedon is where it’s at
Vampires are meant to be slain
And Brown Coats all the way.
X-files,Star Trek. Among many more.
Also…Netflix is truly…truly …an amazing thing.
Netflix doesn’t care what you’re wearing …reserve a show
Cook something
Break out the best plates and champagne.
But I bet you already knew that
Didn’t you?.

I hate sports
I spent a summer playing golf
It was horrible
It’s highly overrated
And expensive
I also played baseball when I was younger
But then I fractured my hand
On the up side
I can now tell you when it’s going to rain
And be more accurate than the weather man.
Because of my weather hand.
Maybe I could make money from that?

I love food
Non italian
Any food really
Which is unfortunate
Because I have Crohn’s disease
And that can make the food obsession
A little difficult to navigate
But I manage.
Thank you again for this nomination
I hope you all keep writing
And reading
And we all continue to make
Good Art
What else is there?

Black on black

She’s 50 shades of blue
And we’ve been telling her
To expect pain from
Your bedroom
Since she was a little girl

We must
Tell the truth
Are not
The sins
Of your father
She is
A world
She is art
If you are atoms
She is the universe
So take the time
To set her on fire
And learn
Her language
For love
It should
Never hurt

(Origin unknown)

Things I don’t handle well

I Was doing laundry today
Not that today is laundry day
It’s just another day
But I needed clothes
So I did laundry

I picked up a shirt to wash
My favorite white one
When I noticed
A dead spider on the collar.
A spider I don’t remember killing.
I don’t handle spiders well
Or the thought of spiders
My skin always starts to do that retraction Thing the one
Where it crawls and moves
And repels.
I Shook the shirt…
You know,to verify the evidence
Make sure the thing is dead.
unfolds it’s legs one by one …
Expanding substantially
I hit it with my phone …
It was the closest thing I had.
a leg landed on my hand.
I’m now done with life.
My skin has left it’s frame
I quit.
I just thought you should know.


I keep dreaming about you
It’s keeping me awake at night
It’s the closest thing to a heart attack I know
The waking up

I wish I could talk to you about it
Make it stop

I see you die over and over again

And then I’m there
That night
The freezing rain
Everyone is frozen
Except me

But you’re gone

I wish I had said more
I wish I had said less
I wish you could have prepared us for this

The months after
The dreams at night
The missing you

But that’s a phone call you can’t answer
I wake up and you’re not there
I can’t run like a kid to your arms
Or ask for advice
No matter how bad it is
I miss you
And I don’t know what to do

I wish I knew what to do
I wish I could sleep

Lights In The Sky



a little  of God inside each of us


scattered  like stars in the night

the beating power of eternity  thunders inside  each of our chest

the creative life force of  heaven wrapped within  the confines of the imagination

the seedbed of destiny

what if we are stronger than we think?

what if there is no danger in the night?

no stalkers in the dark

what if this chaos , this empty – black pitch

is a canvas for the creative life force within each of us

a backdrop

to paint our destiny

what if we were made with a little bit of God inside of us

What a difference

Is this serenity or something else?

Sometimes I wonder what leadership is

Sometimes I wonder what holiness is

Sometimes I wonder….

Is it enough to pull at all the loose ends?

is getting myself together all that salvation demands?

a managed  life in the end?

Does God forgive, no matter what, because that’s just what he does?

– wait a minute ? isn’t that legalism –  salvation by works? as in ” God loves you because you have pulled yourself together and are trying to live a good and disciplined life”

when we see things that make us uncomfortable but see no need to sacrifice our safety  to stand up to them…..I wonder just what our narcotic is.

Or is is it just Formalism?

Sometimes I wonder about ethics , character , courage ,  leadership, compassion, conviction and passion ….

I just wonder…what  America was like and what we were  intended to BE .

America was intended to BE a shining city on a hill . Unlike anything before .

What a calling and opportunity for us to step up for the hour ….but this isn’t the case..so I wonder .

“The complexity of our times hinders the rise of leadership.

Perhaps we have become too analytical to take decisive action . 
We are being pulled in so many different directions that it’s almost impossible to unite behind a leader .” 

– John Maxwell

cheap grace ” – a non – costly love from a non-holy God who just loves and accepts us as we are . That will never change anyone’s life . 

-Timothy J. Keller

is there another way to go?

One where we fight for right and speak out against evil

one where salvation comes in like spring fresh and new , and men are changed

one where we live in the light  with courage and  a boldness which is not our own…

“We are saved by faith alone – but not a faith which is alone” 

– Luther

” Silence in the face of evil is itself  evil ; God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak . Not to act is to act. ” 

– Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?
When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh,
My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell.
Though a host encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war arise against me,
In spite of this I shall be confident.”

Psalm 27

The psalmist says ” In spite of this I shall be confident ”

and I believe

I believe that we all don’t see things the way a “majority elite ” would have us to

I believe that even when voices tell us to let policies and procedure go unquestioned

That detail and information is none of our concern

I believe that when these voices tell us to be afraid of these things

We will question …without fear

Because these voices don’t speak for the rest of us

I believe

We will pray with conviction

We will hear the call and meet the hour – with a standard

as long as there is a sunrise over America …I believe as  Jonathan in the Bible when  he took the philistine camp  …

“perhaps the LORD will work for us, for the LORD is not restrained to save by many or by few.”

– 1 Samuel 14:6

I still believe in us , you and I .

in the words of  President Reagan in his first inaugural address ;

I believe we, the Americans of today, are ready to act worthy of ourselves, ready to do what must be done to ensure happiness and liberty for ourselves, our children and our children’s children.And as we renew ourselves here in our own land, we will be seen as having greater strength throughout the world. We will again be the exemplar of freedom and a beacon of hope for those who do not now have freedom. The crisis we are facing today requires  our best effort, and our willingness to believe in ourselves and to believe in our capacity to perform great deeds; to believe that together, with God’s help, we can and will resolve the problems which now confront us. And, after all, why shouldn’t we believe that? We are Americans. God bless you, and thank you .



I know we all don’t have good days

like, some people just have more bad days than good

while some just have some random bad days

and i’m not talking about rainy days

because I really like rain


I broke down and cried today

i thought it wouldn’t hurt

I thought…I thought that because i had been so mad at my dad it wouldn’t hurt

his being gone

I thought that because I had accepted who he was it wouldn’t hurt

That because i had talked to him it wouldn’t hurt

But then I realized….

That’s what makes it hurt

Because I still love him….He’s my dad

I wanted him to be here and he’s gone

I wanted to be the man that sat there with him regardless of the fact that he was the most manipulative selfish person I know….I wanted top be able to sit there with him …not because he needed something from me…but because I needed him…to just be there.

We used to run a paper route at night – over two hundred miles total of driving . one night there was storms everywhere with hail and tornadoes popping up at random…he finally called in halfway through the night and gave up…turns out no one else had even attempted to drive their routes that night. that’s just how hard headed he was.

I wanted him to be here

i wanted him to be there when I get married ( and that’s not even on my list of things to do )

I wanted to be able talk about nothing again

I wanted to be able to give him a hug and feel the rough beard on his chin and smell that peppermint smell that always seemed to be around him.

I missed him

and today i stared for half an hour at nothing because i realized I’m 23

when my dad dies…i’m 23….

that’s when it happens


23 years is what i get

whatever he was, whatever he believed, is done.

it’s that fast

he’s gone

what am I

I am my own

I don’t have to be what he was

I don’t have to …I choose who I become.

18 years is what he got to mold me

5 years is what it took for me to sort it out

23 years is what I got

the rest is on me


Today I cried

because 23 years is all I got

and I felt really bad that I was so mad for those 5 years