Here

Be here now

What day is it?

What frustration

What time

——

All of my life

All of my time

I hear the words you are saying

But I’m outside of time

——-

Her eyes are electric

Her skin taste like flowers

Like ginger

Burn me down

I want to be desired

I want to be here

Here

With you

These are the days

That are happening to –

Moving through –

us

Remove the complexities

Like our clothes

Remind me

Of our humanity

Your lips

This passion

Our breath

Here

In time

Bleeding ink #1,448

Talk about

Your doomesday state of mind

All the colour from the sunrise

Fades…

Worn through

Bleached out

I’m cut open

Like the emptiness inside of this room

——-

She says

Tell me again

How I’m too much

And never enough

And

The way we landed

From sky high

To these trenches

——-

They said we would always have ….

And they said

Even gods and angels

——

The hurricane is coming

How hungry will you be

Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of stew

Jacob wrestled God until morning

——-

It feels like a 100 lb anvil in the center of my chest

I keep looking for truth

Keep looking for you

But all I see

Is these rains

These days

This hurricane

2020 #8

Photo origin Ethan Bethune

Maybe we didn’t realize what we had.

We sat at the bar every weekend talking about the virus. It was this fog in the distance. Like a whale under water, all you could see was the blurred image.

D, would come in with her pro roe shirts and explain her newest tattoo, there across her ribs.

We became this community,

A, bought me a drink and would explain how she backpacked Europe in the ‘70s

Sure, age was just a number, but it was also a feeling she said. You’re as old as you feel, she looked over at a girl dancing;

Once you get a certain age or feeling, you’re invisible and that is so much worse than dying. Enjoy it, you only live once. she said.

We were all there.

Maybe we didn’t know what we had.

We worked all week.

We were relaxing.

And now we are different. We’ve grown, we’re older, softer, stronger, We’ve never been here before…

And I wonder what stories we will tell…

When we are all together again.

If we would be so present

We could all hear the others heartbeat.

This is us.

In these very small, extraordinary moments….

They flash by us

Becoming a year

A wrinkle on our skin

A grey hair

Part of us

Leaving it’s mark…

This is our lives.

Ragged and Broken

Ragged

Used and broken

We are what we hate

It’s just words

But once they’ve been spoken

I’d never seen anyone quite like that

She had the attitude

But she lacked the gratitude

Now she’s somewhere between Greece

Sometimes I think of her and I wonder…

——

Raggedy Anne lights her cigarette

And the shoe shine boy

Drinks his last drink

She’s getting on the first bus out of here

But the tire’s ragged and busted

Now she’s at the diner

Between 9-5

——

What good am I

Am I ragged and broken

Or am I just broken down

Too many drinks

Too many fist fights in my sleep

——

Do you keep the receipts

For all the things they’ve sold you

If we don’t find the changes that heal

We will just be

Ragged used and broken

We are what we hate

E.B.

Sketches from the heart of this wasteland

Oh where have

You been?

April your lips I have found

Your whispering voice

Echoes through the emptying streets

Of this town

Your shifting feet

Echoes through these trees

——-

And I saw

I saw it all fall

The world that we built

All that we had invested

Burned right in front of us

Is it enough

To keep us warm

When the winter comes?

How many ?

How many ?

——

The Joker dances in the streets

The street worker moves to the internet

The trees let go of all that they are holding

The grass grows

And it doesn’t consider us

The ocean crashes in

Whether or not I’m there to perceive it

——

And I wonder

Whether

They build their guns

They build their ships

They scheme their games

Building us up

Just to cut us down

——

Will our blood flood the empty streets

Whether we hold our breath

And pray for the rain ….

Will you even remember my name

——-

Hurl your banners

Your worst fear

April

You’re here

Now tell me my worth

Tell me my name

I’ve tasted your lips

Now show me the cards

Tell me your name….

Tell me the prophecy

Tell me

Who sketches the heart of this wasteland

——-

And in the valley

In kitchen

In the mountains

In hospital bed

In the living room

The rich

And the fallen

The guilty

The innocent

April turns her face

And we all hide our tears from this place ….

Iced Down

I could

Write you

A thousand lines

About the times

Tell you everything is changing

Better step up to

Plate your change

State your claim

—-

To the new reality

Starz

Coming out

Waving their banner

mind your manner

—-

Soul’s escaping

I’ve been working everyday

Since I was 6

Tell me what you know

All I know is it goes on

You take the good with the bad

And you make what you’ve got

You’re living and breathing social media hype

Tell me how many likes you get

For waking up to the sound of termites eating your window seal

Tell me again

How hot you’re not

You can do whatever you want

Don’t let them get to you

Push back

I write to kill

I kill to write

Tell you what I’m not

Broken

Shattered

You cannot burn a flame

Hotter than the soul in my eyes

It’s back

You cannot take that

I might put a lot

On the plate

But I’m not

Emptying myself like this again

She’s a hit

A hot star

She’s red

Full lips

Sex in heels

She’ll take your heart

Eat it in front of you

While riding you

Take your bad backseat

Tell me again about how hot you got it

Shoulda shoulda woulda

Look

Your dream is collapsing

You’ve got to roll the dice

Snap

Wake up

Hit the ground running

Times are what they are

Your cards on the table

Play what you’ve been dealt

Like it’s

The cards

You wanted

Tell me again how it’s going to end

Three steps forward one step back

Sounds like progress in the end

All this pain

All of this fight

You stay in it all night

Blow for blow

Victory

In the end

Text your frequent flyover miles

And Monday morning quarter backs

The play by play

You’re in the ring

This isn’t newsfeed

This isn’t story

This isn’t updates

This is reality

This is your life

It is what you make it

It goes on

Good with the bad

Everything passes

So be present

Be real

And

Make yourself proud

Just be here now

Chasing Sleep

I unsubscribed from the news

The internet

The perfect

places

—–

I was strutting around

Like I owned the town

When I think back on it …

Now I feel this winter in my chest

I’m humbled to know so many people that love me

I know now

You can win and you can lose

And you can do both gracefully

—-

It feels like this weight

Pushing down on me

I’m running

And I can’t stop

And there’s a ledge

I know it’s there

But I can’t stop

—–

I know you can love

I’ve seen you do it

You just choose to love me poorly….

Maybe I choose too

I hear myself say, this is who I am…I’m good at loving people

I’m good at being here with you …

But then I hear you say

This is just who you are…

And I wonder

How we have the same defense

And

How we

Left the bedroom

Look at our weapons

Hidden away

Throughout this home

This is a battlefield

—-

I used to strut around like I knew something

Now I’m humbled

I’m not sure what I know

Even about myself

I reserve the right to write what I want

I’m coming home to myself

The trees are still asleep in the morning

Your skin is soft against mine

Your eyes say good morning

Long before your lips

Two souls

Anchored together

Like ships in the water

The moon is down

I feel your light

And you are beautiful

Beautiful

I used to know

What did I know

Now

I’m just thankful

To share this space with you

I can still taste your lips