The pitch

I am up with the morning,
I Fry bologna and slice a tomato and onion
toast and eggs…
——
You have this idea in your head
Whatever it is, it’s been sold to you…
Somewhere you heard it and the pitch and you decided to buy it and believe it and make it your own…
——
Who is worse, me or the narcissist ? The hammer or the nail?
The artist with their delusion
Or the average person unable to see what we see?
I make coffee
There’s a woman in my bed sleeping with the rain
——/
We all need company, touch, a heart that listens
Someone to nurture the good in us
Someone to help us feel normal
If just for a night
——
We work and hope we can still live…
Hope we can be good or better than what we know or fear we really are inside…

But the secret is we still get to decide…

-E

The Graveyard (love is a hashtag lost in the algorithm)

It’s a long walk
From the dream
To the graveyard
Soles of your shoes
Worn through
You try for your art
For your love
You try to write
But is it the words ?
Or the aesthetic
Would the life
The words
Stand on their own?
The hash
The filter
The aesthetic
We are group thought
Born into this newsfeed
Conditioned and groomed
And we are shot through
By the stale morning breath that is reality

Hell and Living

We were young
And
We didn’t have expectations
We thought that made us better
But it was a lie
Everybody has expectations
Even if it’s expecting us NOT to have them…
But it was really just saying
I’m afraid I’ll let you down
And then you will leave
—-
People stay with what they know
We dated people that would date us for 7 years while looking for their soulmate
And we dated people who didn’t have any goals or ambition
But why ?
A friend from out of town asked me one night …
I told them it’s just easier because
If you’re with someone who knows exactly what they want
Where they are headed
You’re suddenly afraid
Because you might not be what they need
And you might not get a second chance with them if you let them down or hurt them
But with these other people
You can waste decades
And there’s no risk
It’s just what we know
What we are comfortable with
And used to
Like anything else ….

They just looked at me
Shook their head
Poured another drink…

I thought about how life is….
How we are….

And how nice it is we can change .
At any moment.

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

Sureness

Trust me
When I say
There will be things in life
You will be unsure of
Tax returns
Hummus
Avocados
Speed limits
Correct dates of Apts
The spelling of wed- whatever
But there are somethings
That you will NOT be unsure of
Love is one of them
What you bring to the table
Is one of them
You deserve

Chicken soup
On sick days
Massages
Sweaters
Dances in the kitchen
Showers together
Month long birthdays
And month long valentines
Sunday brunches
Christmas
Letters
Fresh flowers
Always
But uncertainty in love
And yourself
Is not one of them
So if they are uncertain
Just leave
Because you deserve sureness
You deserve
Everything you bring
And more
-Regardingsamuel.com

Sold down the river

But oh
When the kids ask
About the pictures
Stained
From the dirt and ash and tears and blood
You tell them the truth
——
From the dirt
We rose
Hearts of dust and rust
And thorns
And the banks kept calling
And all you had is what you had left
And any touch you had
Was just too far off
——
The love you had
Whatever love you held
Checked out
And you kicked them out
And patched the holes in the walls
They don’t come around here anymore
——
And we drank
To hide the shame
And the pain
And to feel nothing
——
That’s the thing
About being that far behind
They’re loading the chamber
You’re on the line
The bullseye
——
Sure it levels every man
Sure
It evens out in the end
If you survive
——
But out of time is out of time
Dust is dust
Whatever help
Was coming
Took too, too long
So you had your breakdown
You burned out
Because that’s the thing
Too late is too late
Out of time is out of time
——
Tell the kids that
You tell them how it really was
How you had to rebuild
Making bricks from mud and ash.

-E

Freedom

Maybe it’s too close
To the chest
We pick the weapons we know best
I’ll take the knives
That cut at my sides,
The dream.
She’ll take the chains
That she can break through,
Run.
Give us freedom,
Like the crow flies.
Give us freedom,
Like the sunrise.
Give us freedom,
From our nightmares,
Trash in the floor,
Because of a credit card accidentally thrown away.
Raised voices
Thrown chairs,
Slamming doors,
And words…
Words that you live and die by
Used against you.
Used to hurt eachother
In the darkness.
You get what you have,
Worse,
You get what you are
What you really are
And multiply….
Give us freedom
Like the crow flies
Give us freedom
From our last past, worse self
Give us freedom.
To live and die
Give us freedom from
My sickness
Freedom from
Lying in a bathtub with my own blood
Freedom from the weight loss
Freedom for my mind
Freedom
Give us freedom
Because I’m building
I’m working
I’m winning
And I refuse to give in
Freedom
-E

Dear you

Origin

Photo origin

I know you feel like nothing

I know you feel like you’re overwhelmed

On your own

Feel it

You’re doing better than you think you are

Alnitak, is the brightest class 0 star in the sky ….found in Orion’s Belt…

1,262 light years from earth

Your light

Even overwhelmed

Even isolated

Is like this blue super giant

I know you think there are thousands just like you….

But this is you

Keep going

You’re doing better than you think you are

You’re unique

You matter

And when I look across the city

When I look across the room

When I look…

I always see you

I don’t know how not to…

-E

Love

“I miss my dad. He kind of died on this day.”
“From what you’ve told me, he was shitty. You pick your family. They’re not blood.”

I probably should’ve left then…
We were just incompatible
And it’s not anyone’s fault….
It’s just how things go. We were so young.

You’re going to lose,
You already know how this ends.
It’s not you against the world,
It’s you against you,
Against your ideals,
Your ego.

Beauty fades
Sex fades
You’re going to lose,
Businesses
Careers
Finances
Children
Parents
Siblings
Pets
Each other
Mental health
Health
——
It’s hospitals
NG tubes
Surgery
——-
It’s more than
Netflix and chill
More than
Romance
More thank vacations
More than weekends
——
You will win too
You will have weddings
And children
And birthdays
Holidays
Valentines
Weekends
Sunday breakfasts
Hours and hours of the best sex
But it’s so, so important that
You find someone
Who understands
What it is to lose
And how to just be there
When you do not feel
Your best self
——
Because you will lose
You already know
How this ends
We all do
And I hope you are fortunate
To find someone
You can grow with
And grow old with
Understand
One of you may take growing old
Harder than the other
That you may look
And say it’s like you’ve
Fell in love fifty different times
With every new version
Of each other
see
That love
Is evolving
It’s an empty home
That you fill
And you both have furniture and ideas ….
I hope you understand
You get what you already have
And multiply it….
May it always be peace
Understanding
And a place you can call home.
But most of all
Love.
-E
Regardingsamuel.com