Writers log 31

I know the holidays are usually really bad on crohns.

Crohns is uniquely different for everyone.
That’s what makes it so difficult,
I’ve tried eating smaller portions.

I pretty much run on naps, working out twice a day 25 minutes each.
Steak,or chicken and potatoes, Dr Pepper or alcohol and soup.

I’m pretty much an old man I know,but this keeps my flare ups down and I’m ok with that.

This year has been stressful enough,
Deal with what you can, leave out the rest.

It gets better.
It really does.
Hang in there.
Keep going.

And guys, guys,

You and I do not have to look like some rip off of men’s health or whatever ad hits your email.

I’m healthy this year and it could change in a New York second.

Just be better than you were yesterday, be intentional.

Get fitted for a suit and shirt

Learn to tie a tie.

Write letters

And always bring more than expected to the table. In love, work, and life.

And remember to be the same for yourself.

-E

New moon

I’ve been thinking about how to write this one,
It’s pretty simple,

At some point you wake up and you realize
You can’t bring everyone with you.

You can’t rescue everyone.


Your goals, your dreams, that’s yours.

Dream bigger.
Dream until it scares you.
This is yours.
Write a check to yourself.
So big it scares you.
You’ve got to keep moving forward.
It’s easy, too easy, to whine, and be entitled,
But there is no security, only opportunity,
You have to change your perspective…
“What can I do, so I can afford this?”
I’m talking about rich dad poor dad,
I’m talking about growing,
I’m talking about facing your self,
And dying to self.
This bail me out,
Save me,
Me me me me…
I have an excuse….
Excuse your excuse,
It has to die to self.
Because we are growing.
We are committed.
We are looking for opportunity
I don’t have time
To hang out with
“If only.”
I am moving forward.
It’s about what we build
It’s about what we build…
Because what we build…
We can go there
And come back here…
And help one another …
But I can’t do that…
If I stay here…
If I settle back into apathy
Hoping someone or something will come along one day and rescue me…
Because I’m entitled…

No…
I face myself everyday.
And I will consistently be better
Every day…
And I will not quit.
Surround yourself with ambition a new culture of thinking
Where you either thrive and grow or you get left behind…

Life is not fair.
It is not secure,
I watched my dad struggle
My family struggle
But it’s not his fault
Her fault
Or anyone’s fault
And I have regrets …
If I didn’t I would not be teachable I would be stupid…
You have to face yourself.
sit down and dream bigger.
Bigger.
Learn about the things you are not strong in.
Learn about finances.
Learn something new every day.

It’s your life, not anyone else’s.
Why not you?
Why not us?
Why not now?
What else is there?

-E

Time Levels

I’m at a place in my life
Where I’m tired of excuses
Everyone has them
I’m tired of looking for someone else to blame
That ties and binds
I want freedom
And that comes from the liberation
Of accepting responsibility
Rather than surrendering that to something else
——
If I want to change I have to change
I have to face myself
——
I’m for
Whatever gets you through
as long as it doesn’t hurt someone
And as long as we understand
We can’t ask people or expect people to be like us
It’s a very solitary road
But I don’t mind
Just being alive is exciting
You can live passionately
And impact lives
For the better
Without asking them to change
And be like you
Give a hand
To help eachother UP
Help eachother level up
Believe in one another
And your community
There’s room for all of us
Let there be love
-E

beyond the light

Just beyond the light

There is tomorrow

Another line

Another page

A story yet untold

That only you can tell

In your unique way

——///

Our youth

Fields of grain

Too many intersections

And not enough time

——-///

We lived and we tried to feel love

As it was sold to us

We tried to be something

Nothing

Anything

——///

I felt the shift

I felt myself losing tune

Yes tune

We rang loud

And out of tune

We lost touch with people

Humanity

We looked to our palms

And our timelines

But it told us nothing of our times

Twitter is not real

Facebook is not real

It does not give you the supper table

The summer mornings

In the south

The green stalks of corn

The ice storms in winter

The kerosine Heat

——///

We live and die in the hashtag

But we haven’t grown up to maturity

Poverty is more than we can comprehend

It’s a relationship to money

It’s habits

It’s not just wanting and not having

——///

These lives just beyond the light

The gift of life

Look past the last headlines

What we are

We are here

Now

Alive

—-///

More than politics

More than religion

More …

——///

“Be what you were…”

I look at art

At words

Films

From the 90s

And I feel a disconnect

I don’t know this person

This person doesn’t know me

I can’t see the tv from across the room

I keep moving my couch closer and pretending it doesn’t matter ….

Pictures give us words

——///

We are textured

Quilted

Struggled

Immigrants

—-///

Downsizing

Can you downsize the American dream?

We can find answers in 5g speed

We are born with a cellular plan

But we don’t know our neighbour

A pastors struggle on Monday morning

—-///

Are we red and blue state ?

Disconnected

People vote, or don’t vote, for various reasons.

One Party is the single issue party. Or the anti vax, anti mask, lower tax…don’t take my guns?

No, one party is the American dream, Reagan party, read, communicate, write, dream, love your country, write your wife love letters from across the room. You’re groomed from a young age to vote red.

The business owner. Trying to dream.

The other is college kids, millennials, like it or not, woke, sensitive to every issue, minority, apologising, how will the kids make it during this economy?

Most of us are somewhere in the middle not on the fringes…who’ve lived through a handful of economic collapses…

Most of us have lost someone to this virus…

I was talking with a nurse and she was telling me of the horror of a patient dying…of the horror that people still think this is a hoax, the fact that these patients are protected by privacy laws and this creates a gap…and we will never know…but they know…and for them…this is a nightmare…

Now, what do people vote on?

Somewhere in the middle.

We have more in common than we think.

The whole silence is violence

be woke to every single new thing ….

that’s a big tab…

the answer to winning votes and states

is not be the most liberal…

it’s connecting to the country.

We are all Americans.

Unplug from social media,

You can block and unfollow each-other all day long but these are real people with real lives and real votes and they are not going anywhere, they’re our neighbours our mothers our siblings.

what do we all have in common.

Return to the vision. Return to common sense, adulthood …

you can build a platform and a table with room for everyone.

We can’t go back…we go forward…beyond the light…or we fade into oblivion…

Solitude

These are the great places,
Where you can find solitude
Not just alliteration of words correspondence of sound between one thing or the endings of another
But
A connection of the heart and the soul
Of heaven and earth
Reminded of our brevity and our long reach for eternity…

The wind comes down and cleans us from everything that weighs us down…

This is just one season
Hid away
From everyone
Hoping for something that lasts
Longer than …
Whatever this is…
Has been…

Curious of communication
Of legacy

How shall we escape
If we hold grudges
If we do not hold fast
To the vision
We all are created equal
Pride in our past in what we have accomplished in where we are going…
Those who have risen to high places
Do not hear us …they cannot hear us from the mountain top..they hold the vision
But us here in this bitter earth…
Our daughters hear us
Our children hear us
Our wives hear us
How shall we escape
If we do not hold the vision ourselves ?

I hide away in the great places ….

Alright

I’ve got nothing on my mind

I can’t think straight

Too many of us

Wear the bruise

We don’t even check to see if we landed

On our feet

We just feel incomplete

—–///

At the back of all these roads

Where hardly anyone goes

Trump flags blow

Pale in the sunlight

Faded

All the color gone

Children hungry for bread

Hungry for soul

Hungry for art

What does a mind know

Just another

Esau and Jacob

—-///

Someone plays another shutdown song

About being alright

Dancing in the sunlight

But

I’ve got nothing on my mind

And I’m not alright

We keep losing

We keep choosing pain

And I keep drinking

And

We keep losing another name

And

I keep choosing.

Pain.

Out here

On the back of the roads

Where you will never go

And someone probably gets mad

At a Hillbilly Elegy

Because their mom and dad paid their way…bailed them out everytime a storm blew their way

But have you ever lived on concrete

With termites eating your window seal?

Bats in the chimney

A bucket under the sink

the plumbing is incomplete

You don’t get to choose where you come in

You just get to start walking

I’m not angry

I’m just thinking out loud

It’s easy for me to understand

People want someone to blame

They want someone to hit the restart button

But even if they woke up with a million

They would blow it in a month

Half of it on something crazy like little Debbie cakes to freeze

Because they still don’t know

We still don’t know

—//

I have nothing

On my mind

I could die alone tonight

I’d be fine

I’m fucking fine

Play your shutdown song

We are all alright

Writers Log #30

I’m off grid

It’s the time of year when I unplug from social media

I’m trying to clear my head

And refocus

Read more

I’ve not even been writing letters

I used to write a lot of letters

I feel scattered I guess

The need for solitude

And quiet

I need to reconnect with myself

Maybe that’s vain

But I feel like I’m here on this mountain

And it’s overshadowed by this weight

Of anxiety and depression

So I deleted all my apps

And

I’m hoping if I just keep this

To write with

Maybe I can do some good

Or write really badly

Or really really regular

That’s a lot of R’s

Minuscule

Minuscule

It’s a hope

But I hope

We all

Find ourselves smiling

Slipping into a happiness

A peace of mind

Doing things that make us happy

Dancing

Having sex in the kitchen

Cooking together

Writing letters to eachother from across the room

Describing what you look like while you’re doing some odd thing you have to do or enjoy doing and how much love there is here…

I hope we find ourselves and reconnect to us

Here

Our faith

Our human condition

This brevity of life

I hope

If we have lost

I hope we find solitude and quiet and we may find peace to heal and grieve

And to remember those and that which we have lost

I hope we all win