Francis: So, how’s the Gym?
Ethan: It’s good. You know, it’s another weight to carry. (Laughs) I crack myself up.
Francis: Yeah, yeah, What’s for suppers?
Ethan: I was thinking we could try this steamed salad…and wait for the kicker, pomegranate juice…
Francis: Mmm Well that sounds healthy and nutritiously delicious.
Ethan: Francis! Put that down!
Francis: What? Do we not eat desserts first?
"feu dans le sang"
(Fire in the blood)
"l'attente est érotique"
(The wait is erotic)
I wonder what you wrote just for you?
Between the margins?
Inside your address book?
I wonder how your letters were?
How many did you throw away?
Did you have secret lines
Only one person would understand?
—
I just reached 30
You’re 39
I wish I could ask you how this goes
—-
where loss is
How it feels
Did you feel it coming?
Did you write regardless ?
—-
I feel this guilt, like acid in my chest,
When I think about the things I don’t say
I reserve the right to write whatever I want…
—-
Nothing is permanent
And I think about that heat
I think about that loss
Like words,forgotten unused…
How many did we lose?
—-
I pour her tea
She writes on the sides of the pages of her journal
She has a novel she’s working on
She doesn’t think she’ll finish it
We can hear them coming
And it occurs to us
You can hear and feel
Life around you this
Absurd chess game we try so hard at
love coming
storms coming
These boots coming
She won’t finish this novel…
She’s 39
feu dans le sang
I drink my tea
She’s here for a moment
I close my eyes
And
She’s gone
Like so many things
Blown away by a storm
—
The sun comes out
And I wonder
If we missed her,
I wonder how many more like her
We lost…
Quotes from
The Bar.
“What’s up stoopid.”
Tara sat down across from me, her brown hair blocking the clock on the church across the street. Fortunately , part of the sun as well.
“What is that brain working on now? Who brings a book to a bar anyway?”
I stared. what do you want Tara?
I had to admit, it felt weird coming back home…the mills closed. Empty buildings, like coffins, waiting for their dead or a hotel with empty floors…just shadows of memory.
Tara smiled, lit a cigarette,
You know, you have to be 21 now.
Hey, we‘re all older.
She laughed.
I closed my book.
Asking myself why I came back home…but I really, already knew.
Maybe that was what bothered me.
Tara hadn’t changed that much. She had a way of moving through the weights and the hard moments. Seemingly unscathed.
I was not so lucky.
I took a breath. Feeling flashes of my childhood walking past me in the street.
This room slowly fills with water
I’m adrift
Not at peace
Just adrift
Hollowed gray
My insides have long burned out
As have my eyes
I listen to the words in my head
The birds of prey
Fall from this night sky
—-
Similar
(Whispers)
(Voices)
Echoes
From outside the door
I can feel myself
Getting bad again
I am becoming
The me
That you never
knew
He hasn’t been around much
I am trying
Against all pain
The room drowns out
All the daylight
I keep giving away …
Giving away
I’m going away
(I’ll never say)
(Hiding)
It’s all so clear
The room disappears
—-
And all the time
Falls from the clock in the kitchen
Where we hid our weapons
Even you
Can use
And
I won’t confess
It’s a drowning
I’ll write no words
All this time
All this time…
Why is there no happiness …
I’ve only found true happiness
While writing.
Take me away
With your x-ray eyes
Tonight
Don’t look away
—
Out of the moon
I heard
The devil say
—-
Don’t lock me away tonight
Paths of destruction
We need a revolution
Dylan said a hard rain’s gonna fall
—
Why is there no happiness
Why is time a sleeper
When our soul’s on fire
Hearts desire
There’s no answer
And the words remain the same
We can walk these streets
All night
The words
Remain
The same
