Log # 4

Maybe the earth writes poetry

In its ruins

I wonder if it keeps memory

In the darkness

Like pockets


Remember when we were young?

How naive we were?

We thought love would burn long and hot

But it was the cold mornings

It was the long nights

Of holding so tightly

To memory

That keeps it going ….

It’s choosing


Space is cold

Space is dark

And I’m trying to remember

I’m trying to remember


We are here

And then we are gone ….

Like so many stars….

I’m writing this letter


Try to remember

The good in me ….

And if there is bad….

Let it be the darkness behind the light ….


May the light shine brighter for it …



all my lights

I see only you

Earth 2

a short story…

The body, alone in the darkness. Drenched in the heat.The red sun burning a black light across the wasted planet.Moniters surrounding Toska give the only source of sound …casting blurred images of Presidential assassinations from centuries past.

There is no other sound.Toska, is alone.The planet is empty. Wasted after war.or perhaps,self destruction.

Three lights find Toska. A landing party of seven,searching for life.Here on Earth.The medical officer,examines her.

“Captain,this woman requires further care…Care I can’t give her here.This woman,this body isn’t human…I don’t know what it is…whatever she …or it IS it’s older than our data files.”

The Captain looks around the Dome capitol of the city..shakes his head at th ruins.

“Ok,let’s go.I want a science team to return and examine the city…try and find out what happened to this planet.Understood?.”

For three more days they wait 

Asking Toska questions 

But she remembers only through nightmares.and those are vague and hopeless.

“Captain,I’ve asked her a hundred different ways…I’ve used psychiatric charts…I’ve used sensation techniques.We’ve done everything but telekinesis on this thing.She doesn’t remember anything.She doesn’t even know who she is.” Said the medical officer.

The Captain just waved his hands and kept walking to the science department.

“Well,what has the science department found out? Come on…there has to be an answer.”

Inside ….

“I’ve got something…but you’re not going to like it.”

“Try me and see”

“This woman,She’s older than any planet in this solar system…she’s not human..she’s a legend…she didn’t survive the planet’s war…she was the war.”

Everyone stopped breathing…

“What do you mean,was the war?”

“I mean,captain.this woman,destroyed planet earth.She’s a planet Reaper…they originate out of dark matter and energy …dark galaxies …”

“You mean-a legend”

“Up til now,yes.But when we return to our planet with this woman.and she remembers who she-what she- is…the legend will become a very real history.”

Toska wakes up …

And looking at the sun 


And looking at the captain…

“What’s the matter captain …afraid of a little nightmare?”


The Astronaut’s Wife #3

Origin (unknown)

Log 2055
Day (1000)
There are no more
There is only
Here at the edge of space
Has time ….reversed itself?
Is space closing in on itself?
There is a darkness to space
That connects to your humanness
I made a connection
On our last planet
They actually asked about us
They had deduced us
To ash
Merely archaic and crass …

There is a room
In my dreams
It’s always closed

I think I should open it
I feel like I have the key
K,I need to know what to do….


The screen flashes
It’s projection
In my eyes
And I can see her
Sitting at the table
Drumming her fingers
And looking
At me in that very content
But indifferent manner
And I know
Inside what she’s going to say
She did this while we were dating
She did this in college
I’ve seen it before
You see
You are not matured by years
You are matured by Damage
What I can tell you
about life
Is simple
It is processed
In the body
Like pain
And that’s all you need to know …
She drums her fingers
The screen flashes
My chest convulsing
I’m on the floor
And her voice
Echoes through
The emptiness
Here in space
until all I see
Is an empty room
The curtain
the door ….

We vaccinated you
With the Phoenix trial…
This destroys the human cells
Rebuilding them to behave
Like a virus
Continually recreating themselves
At an accelerated speed
To their environment

It’s a slow process
And the body
It dies…
when you wake up
You will not be the same
Our probe
Was never the vessel
It was the species
Inside the vessel
You are the probe
I’m sorry dear
I know. ..
Space is lonely
And you are in pain
But that’s just biology
It happens
Let it go
you have to walk through
That door
This has been my goal
And my dream
You can’t be
All your heroes
You are not Jim kirk
There is no earth
There is more space …
Walk through the door ….

All I see is fire
my body breaking down
all I feel
Is the wind in the curtain
All I see is the door….


The Astronaut’s wife #2

Origin unknown

Our galaxy died
When our sun died
Everything froze
And then
The comets came
And earth
Well we lost her

Space is empty
We can still
Out of the old Galaxy
It’s called Google now
It’s just an encyclopedia
Of knowledge floating in space

I can spend hours sifting through it
When I was younger
I would have to be forced
To do anything else
I would stay in the library
And search away

Log 2055 Juin 17th
Day (456)

Space is cold, K
There’s nothing to hold
There’s no human touch
There’s no you
Burying your face in my neck
In the morning
There’s no you
Laughing at my clumsiness
There’s no you
To hold
Space is empty
I will always come back to you

You gave me a three year mission
To explore life
In this new galaxy
To seek out
Like our ancestors did before us
I marvel at the vastness of space
And the question of life…
I am captain of
And I feel like I am falling behind
I miss you
I worry
That I am forgetting
How to be human
Trapped in this vessel


The Astronaut’s wife

Origin (unknown)

2055-Juin 1st
(Day 343)

We gave you
not just atoms and stars.
But silence and beauty

ne me demandez pas de rivaliser avec ce que

“Do not ask me to compete with that”

how can I ??
with its vastness?
Its silence?
Its mystery…

I can see you
Without a me
And it terrifies me


Mars 1

Image origin (unknown)

48 hours ago
I was sitting at home
Trying to be “the good wife”
Hiding envelopes
And emails
From Captain Welling
I kept putting it off …
My husband needs me here
You know ?
I’m a wife now

Not that ours is a marriage
Of novel status
He chases things
And God
He calls me to his chair
Asking me to sit in his lap
His hands roaming over me
Under my shirt
But I feel nothing
Just nausea
“Do you love me?”
He asks
Don’t make me say it
Not like this …
I don’t feel afraid
I just don’t care
I look at him
And try to get up
His hand grabs my wrist
Keeping me in the chair
He looks
At me pitifully
“I’ve been praying
I have a plan for us
And you can assist me”

I look at him
“I haven’t heard about this
What about my degree?
I’ve been thinking about going back into it…”
He laughs
“You mean you think you can go and be something?
What,you think you’re better than everyone else?”

I just leave the room
God hasn’t told me anything about
A plan
Or assisting
I feel things
I’m a sensitive person
A feeler
Dammit ….
My husband
He uses my senses against me
To get the reactions he wants
Even going so far as physical anger

I feel empty
I feel useless
I feel …trapped
I can’t breathe….
I can’t breathe

Sunday morning
Captain Welling came to my door
Tall against the afternoon
and very straight forward
His face was set
His eyes were earnest
And Sincere
But hiding something
“I need you,Anna you are the most qualified…it’s a one way trip…
Mars 1 is happening.
I can’t do it without you …
there are only 75 people Anna,you are the last of four.”

I put my face in my hands
All my work
All my writing
All my studying
What was I doing
Me and Welling
Went to school together
He knew me
Probably better than
My husband
A hell of a lot better
And then
I started to cry
“All my life I’ve had something heavy
I’m supposed to do weighing on me…
But I don’t know what it is
What if I miss it?
What if this is it?
I feel like I’m drowning
But I can’t just go…”

He smiled slightly and put his hand on
My wrist…
“You can
You’re more than this
And you are your own…
No one owns you…
Even in love
And I can tell you
This is it
There will be
No other shot
We leave in 26 hours”

It’s cold
Earth is far away
And there is no isolation
Compared to the feeling you get
When you watch it …shrinking before you…
I woke up with turbulence
Something was wrong
I turned my face to the glass
And saw
Earth collapsing in on herself
Shot through by a comet

I heard
Captain Welling
To someone
But how?
Earth is ..gone
When Ariel
Stepped in the bay with me
And watched the light show before us
“It’s like the Fourth of July huh?”
I probably looked at her like she was a
Raving lunatic..she looked right back at me with tears in her eyes
“Listen,evacuating an entire planet
Was impossible ….
But getting the best
The alphas
The ones who can build back
That was a possibility
That’s why we needed you…
You can tell our story
You can help build
There are 300 all together
From around the world
We can do this”

I looked at her
“300? How ?”

“We had just enough time
10 years to build and plan
To search for the right people”

“10 fucking years!”

“Listen,how would you like to go?
In panic
Counting down?
Staring at the sky?
With no where to go.
Or sleeping
Completely unaware…
This is us.
The future.
No wars
No crimes
Only hope
Because that’s all we have
We either live
Or we die.”

I look back at the fragments
It’s hard to picture cities
And history
It’s like time
And sin
Erased itself
I don’t know about this new possibility
Before us….
It’s hard to believe
But it’s better
Than the years I’ve spent
It has hope

Ariel turns back to me and smiles
“Oh and Anna…”
I think I see her fighting off crying
She swallows hard..
“Welcome to Mars 1”

Reagan’s Category

This is Reagan
Many of you know
Reagan.He’s my brother.
If you don’t know Reagan
Look under my autism category.
In which case -voila-what an introduction.
He’s reading now,and quite – well if I do say so myself.
Therefore, I have had an idea!
Because I was surrounded by small children all day,
And I was looking at children’s books
The other day at the library
(They’re just so awesome)
1 story a week
For Reagan
Which shall be FILED
Under his new category
I just made and I can’t remember
What it’s called,but it has his name on it!.
So you will know it.
This category
Will feature
All of Reagan’s favorite things
Short stories
The absolute
Red handed
Worst thing next to

Once a week!
Good day.