Interior blue

We make from the interior of sadness

Poetry

From the fires of life

We create art

I was inspired

To write this

After

Wanda Coleman’s poem “Wanda Why Aren’t You Dead

It is not an attempt to replicate

It simply opened my eyes to bringing our demons to light

——

I am intrigued by you

I am curious about you

You make me nervous

I cannot put a label on you

Why do you dress the way you do

You always dress up

Why don’t you just relax

You’re not like anyone around here

Why are you still here

Why are you here, why haven’t you left yet …

You are not a writer

Don’t write about your pain

Write what you want to write

You don’t want to be a burden

Don’t whine

You stupid fuck

You’re not a real writer

You’re just like your father

You’re a failure

You’ll probably die young

You’re vomiting randomly

You’re probably dying

Crohns

Don’t be picky about your food

You ate potatoes growing up

You know, no one is really going to love you

No one is really going to be attracted to you

You’re too fucking weird

You’re probably even bad at sex

You’re a quitter

You quit your career

You left your marriage

You left your town

You’re running

You’re less than nothing

You will never be happy

Why are you still here?

You’re going to keep faking it

You’re too much for people

They are merely curious

Nothing else

Why haven’t you killed yourself yet?

You know, no one else will ever want to sleep with you…

You’re too awkward

Your stomach

Your scar

Why does your stomach growl so much ?

Can’t you make it stop?

You’re too thin

Omg I hate thin guys

Why don’t you just let yourself have a dad bod

You work too much

You should relax

Just take all of your sleeping pills

Then you can relax

You know I’m going to kill you right?

You will probably die alone

Like your dad

Why are you even still here

Didn’t you go to college?

Oh my god, I feel so bad that you didn’t go to real school

You must be so dumb

There is nothing here for me

There’s no reason for me to be here

I hate everyone here

I feel like you’re suddenly your own person

You want your secrets and your life

You walked out

Quitter

You gave up

I thought you were different but you ended up being just like the rest of them, selfish trash.

You will never have a marriage like your grandparents

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

Love doesn’t have to hurt

You can let yourself have a flare up

You don’t have to write it funny

You can vomit as soon as you get home

And it just be a flare up

You can eat cheesecake

You can write how you feel

You are still you

You’re going towards something good

You are ok

You don’t have to be perfect

You don’t have to be perfect

You can be good

You can be good

You are enough

You tried your best

Your best was more than enough

Because it was still – you

You

Are

Someone’s

Something

Make someone’s day easier

Let them know when you think about them

You never know who you will lose

Let it go

You never know what’s coming for you

You are broken but still whole

Be here now

Number the stars

It’s said
That Jupiter
Shields earth from asteroids
Without ever blocking it with its shadow ….
Think about that kind of love and rising…
To love like that…
And never make a big deal about it …
But I will love you …
And we will talk about everything and nothing
And I will number the stars in your skin
I will trace the scars
From your unspoken battles
And I will thank you
Without words
But with my lips
Until we eclipse
Until every star
Has fell from every sky
That’s how we will rise

-regardingsamuel.com

The lives we lived

All I know is how to be me
I know what I want
I know where I am going
I’m going forwards
——
I remember the night the tornadoes wrecked our home towns
I remember the night my dad died
I remember
Sitting in my car and making myself walk in the funeral home to look at my best friend who had died three days before …
I remember my grandmother dying from cancer and telling me about WWll
And my grandfather dying from heart ache after she passed
——
I’ve noticed everyone is into self help and therapy
And that’s great
——
But don’t forget to live
We are are promised nothing
You have to live -well, no you don’t…
But if you hope to at some future point
When things are better
When life is easier
After your healing
After the storm
After the divorce
Stop
Start today
Time is all we have and it’s Always running …

Keep your courage
Keep your strength
And face it

Live

Things that don’t suck 2

Things that don’t suck

Realising

You can still make amazing dinners

But for yourself,

Champagne, The Rat Pack, steak…

Not having the dinner thrown in the trash…

Not having someone get up and just leave or go to bed after you make it

Ties, tie clips, waistcoats, fedoras, hardsole shoes…

New jeans…

A cigar dipped in bourbon

Hennessy

A classic sidecar recipe

Jazz

Asus chord

Guitar

Cheesecake

Buying yourself flowers every month instead of someone else

Writing letters

Thunderstorms

Pasta (always pasta)

Setting goals

Crushing goals

Walking your dog

Accepting that you were a good husband

And forgiving yourself for what you did in survival mode…

Watching the sunrise

Bleeding Ink 1,519

There’s a poem

That’s inbetween

The lines

——

It’s there

When she plays piano

Soft and low

—-

And the world is burning down

And there’s all of this echo in the background

But she slows it down

And reminds me

There’s still gentle ways of touching things

There’s still good memory

There’s still lines between words

Between minutes

Between years

With miles left to go

For good memory

Bleeding ink 1,519

I read somewhere that if a man cares about you…you won’t ever have to wonder how he feels…

He will remind you.

So I was thinking about you…

And I hope you are good

I hope your days are good

I hope you find the love

That is slow and deep

So deep that you can’t feel the bottom

I hope it’s the champagne kind of love…

I hope you are reminded daily

Even when he isn’t there

She said something about the honeymoon being over

It isn’t supposed to last

It’s a marriage after all…

But marriage is an island babe.

If you don’t bring it,

You won’t find it here…

So bring it

Bring the champagne

Bring the slow dances

Bring the starry eyes

Bring the ties

The lipstick

The records

Whatever it takes

To make it through

Bring that

How else will they know?

That they’re the only thing you see

Across the room?

-regardingsamuel.com

2020 #27

My eyes are filled with coal

My lungs, are violent,

The morning lightning lights my eyes

I can’t find the words

“Breath” and “breathe” are things I can’t write anymore

You sit and watch the world slip through time like sand washed away

Is it all over now?

Oh, let me follow you down

This numbness won’t last

Don’t tell me this too shall pass

Don’t tell me

Better days are ahead

They released too too much at once

Now we all are numb

Do you even feel the hunger?

Do you know what you crave?

Or do we pack ourselves with light

Taking from eachother

To fill this emptiness

You know we all are blown through

Shipwrecked

We find eachother

——

The world is burning behind you, girl…

Keep your eyes on me

I’ll dance with you in the street

——

What if these days don’t change?

What will you do?

Will we adapt?

Even the tightest grip slips

The biggest hearts break

Can you start all new?

——

We lack subtlety…

Pack ourselves with light

We’ve all been blown through

We try

To make ourselves feel real

We try to make ourselves feel

——

Impressions,love…

I stand there watching her

I drink from her cup

She smiles

Her brown eyes

Remind me of fall

“Experiences” she says

I kiss her forehead

I’ll take a lifelong impression over 100 experiences any day….I whisper

She holds her breath

I feel a little bit of light leave me

Maybe we can remake the world

Maybe we can love after all

Silent Film Actress Marie Doro, 1902.