Hungry

Hungry

Have you ever been to the valley?

Flat broke

poor

You better hit the ground running

Work

I’m going somewhere

You’re gonna know my name

Some of you want out of this town

I said I’m gonna buy this town

Cash money

No interest

No ones got nothing on me

You don’t even know me

I said I was heading somewhere

Get with me or fall behind me

I made it

But I ain’t

Stop

You gotta do it again

Hitting the ground running

On fire

Going to be something

Keep something

Be something

Real

I’m talking about Magic

Jordan

You’re playing

Waiting for a dream to show up and inspire you

I’m talking about the Dream Team

Flying like Jordan hitting like Rodman

Being my own inspiration

Motivation

They can’t take it from you

When you can’t quit

I put it all on the table

Now sit back

We ain’t done yet

The score don’t stop

The rings don’t stop

Just because you finally got it

Get it

Cash money

Have you ever been

Hungry?

Flat broke

Working

Reaching

I’m going to be something

You can’t stop

Won’t stop

You ain’t seen nothing yet

I’m on fire from the bones

That made me

All those long nights

Hard fights

110 hour weeks

16 hour days

Two jobs no bread

Uhh

Home up hold up

I said I made it

But I’m not satisfied until I’m satisfied

I’m not trying to be anyone’s hero

I’m playing myself

Trying to scare myself

Like the train Nolan Ryan

Coming in not breaking

Like the Bulls against the Pistons

Taking championships and wins like Saban

I write history

My life has got to be like

My life has got to be like

beyond the light

Just beyond the light

There is tomorrow

Another line

Another page

A story yet untold

That only you can tell

In your unique way

——///

Our youth

Fields of grain

Too many intersections

And not enough time

——-///

We lived and we tried to feel love

As it was sold to us

We tried to be something

Nothing

Anything

——///

I felt the shift

I felt myself losing tune

Yes tune

We rang loud

And out of tune

We lost touch with people

Humanity

We looked to our palms

And our timelines

But it told us nothing of our times

Twitter is not real

Facebook is not real

It does not give you the supper table

The summer mornings

In the south

The green stalks of corn

The ice storms in winter

The kerosine Heat

——///

We live and die in the hashtag

But we haven’t grown up to maturity

Poverty is more than we can comprehend

It’s a relationship to money

It’s habits

It’s not just wanting and not having

——///

These lives just beyond the light

The gift of life

Look past the last headlines

What we are

We are here

Now

Alive

—-///

More than politics

More than religion

More …

——///

“Be what you were…”

I look at art

At words

Films

From the 90s

And I feel a disconnect

I don’t know this person

This person doesn’t know me

I can’t see the tv from across the room

I keep moving my couch closer and pretending it doesn’t matter ….

Pictures give us words

——///

We are textured

Quilted

Struggled

Immigrants

—-///

Downsizing

Can you downsize the American dream?

We can find answers in 5g speed

We are born with a cellular plan

But we don’t know our neighbour

A pastors struggle on Monday morning

—-///

Are we red and blue state ?

Disconnected

People vote, or don’t vote, for various reasons.

One Party is the single issue party. Or the anti vax, anti mask, lower tax…don’t take my guns?

No, one party is the American dream, Reagan party, read, communicate, write, dream, love your country, write your wife love letters from across the room. You’re groomed from a young age to vote red.

The business owner. Trying to dream.

The other is college kids, millennials, like it or not, woke, sensitive to every issue, minority, apologising, how will the kids make it during this economy?

Most of us are somewhere in the middle not on the fringes…who’ve lived through a handful of economic collapses…

Most of us have lost someone to this virus…

I was talking with a nurse and she was telling me of the horror of a patient dying…of the horror that people still think this is a hoax, the fact that these patients are protected by privacy laws and this creates a gap…and we will never know…but they know…and for them…this is a nightmare…

Now, what do people vote on?

Somewhere in the middle.

We have more in common than we think.

The whole silence is violence

be woke to every single new thing ….

that’s a big tab…

the answer to winning votes and states

is not be the most liberal…

it’s connecting to the country.

We are all Americans.

Unplug from social media,

You can block and unfollow each-other all day long but these are real people with real lives and real votes and they are not going anywhere, they’re our neighbours our mothers our siblings.

what do we all have in common.

Return to the vision. Return to common sense, adulthood …

you can build a platform and a table with room for everyone.

We can’t go back…we go forward…beyond the light…or we fade into oblivion…

What we build

1958 Bruce Davidson

Jfk was keenly curious and aware. He traveled Europe and observed politics on the ground. He didn’t have to use historians, he saw first hand the propaganda machine.

He understood the importance of image.

Being a war hero, and ill himself, always in poor health. He somehow presented a positive energy and outlook that was contagious.

He was the blue print for a new brand and structure of politics.

His ideas were shaped from experience.

He was understanding, because he knew people consumed what they heard and saw. He understood the importance of democracy, that it had to work. It was the last best stand on earth.

I can’t help but wonder sometimes, how odd that we recall the death over the life. The women over the veteran,

Deeply curious about political history

He wanted to understand.

I want to understand

If this is the last best stand on earth …

What am I living for ?

What am I leaving ?

Most people want so desperately to be told what to do

And they don’t even know it

Not even when you tell them what to buy

They don’t know what they want

Or that they need something

Until we sell it to them

They don’t know who to vote for

Until it’s sold to them

What they believe

Until it’s sold to them

Ads

And images

Propaganda

It’s what we consume every day

I unplugged

This site is my only social media right now

Until after the new year

My head is in a fog

I never read

I want to write more

And really create

But I’m angry

I’m confused

I feel like we have more in common than we have differences

But now

We are constantly pitted against ourselves and against eachother

JFK understood things needed to change

We didn’t need a hand out

We needed a hand up

So we could get ahead

And so we could give back

We had a responsibility

But I wonder if we even know what that responsibility is

I ask myself if we even remember what a dream is ?

Or are we so deep in the mud

That we are fighting only ourselves now ….

I want to believe in a tomorrow

I want to believe in us

Because of us

We determine our future

And we can decide today

What we are building

Can endure

Tradition

Requires repetition

We have to start somewhere

Why not here?

Why not now?

Why not us?

The importance of being

I woke up this morning

With a released breath

I didn’t realize I had been holding…

Holding for four years.

Waking up every morning afraid of what the headlines would say

What tweet is out ???

What world leader is laughing at us?

–////

The changing of the guard is underway.

As a Democrat…who read Reagan and his letters and his journals and the same with the Kennedy’s and studied the Clinton’s…

We need a new change.

A real change, another hand up for the People. And real opportunity for everyone.

I am so proud to be an American,

This moment speaks to all of us, every one of us. Democracy works. We do not want to change these foundations.

The disenfranchised and minorities have been watching our leadership,

Our children our daughters…

They have watched as some of us have made excuses and stood by our guy, as the ship sinks in the water.

If anything, we’ve learned the importance of representation…

We’ve seen the hate and the weaknesses

The hypocrisy

The dark underbelly represented

But it does not speak for all of us…

They say we accept the love we think we deserve… this moment …

Every little girl, every wife, every one of us …who is in a situation where we feel like we are not represented…

Can now look at the White House…and they can see representation…

And know,

That they deserve more

They can achieve more…

They can dream …

Every one of us…

—-////

I’ve always listened to stories

And I’ve always prayed

And my faith

My conscience, my patriotism, does not allow me to continue to be silent.

I know the importance of voices and representation.

I believe we all can dream. We all can reach for a better opportunity. I believe in dignity. In decency, in leadership.

I believe in a better tomorrow…

For every one.

Not equal outcomes but equal opportunity.

In the stories that make us

The history that shaped us.

We rise and we fall together.

—///

I am always overwhelmed by elections

I’ve seen the flags

The shirts

The hats

And I’ve heard the mental gymnastics

I’ve seen it

But what it speaks is the algorithm

The bubbles we are living in

We have to reach across that

We’ve lost touch with ourselves

And we have a president who stands for nothing but himself and is loyal to no one but demands loyalty…

He’s simply appealing because he appears flawed and human

He’s sinful

And we see ourselves in him

Or we see a father

Or husband that we never really worked through…

That narcissism…

One issue voting?

Pro life?

It’s not going away…

They won’t vote it out, not completely

It’s what keeps too many republicans republican…

I believe we have more in common than we have differences

—-///

Again, I’m proud

You should be proud

Be proud

Breathe

It’s ok to be happy

This is historical

This is a win for every one of us

Regardless of political persuasion

Our future is brighter

We are still a shining city on a hill

And yes, yes we can build a better tomorrow for all of us.

We all have a moral duty

A personal responsibility to our communities and our nation

Our families

To be an example to our children.

To give back.

The eyes of the world are upon us.

And while some of us have been duped

Or played so hard a mental gymnastic

That we cannot back pedal

It’s ok

Because what we are building

Is better for all of us

Our small towns

Our cities

Our churches

Our city halls

Our hospitals

Our schools

Our work places

Our tomorrows

This. This is the America I believe in.

It never went away

It was here

In all of us

It just took us a minute to catch up.

-E

Memory

Is it fortune

Is it all of these years?

All of these tears

Clutched hearts

I know you’re leaving

You’ve got a lot on your mind

Let me know

What I can leave you

To remember me by

Let it not be

pain

Let it not be truth

Let it be soft

Let it be understanding

Of the complexity of being

Becoming

The sun is setting

And we all are just chapters

In this book

Death is real and random

The earth is burning

I never said much

But I remember your touch

When it was soft and real

I know you’re hurting

I hope I left you something good

To remember me by

The Groom is still waiting

I’ll tell it to you

The best I can

You may not believe

But it’s the best as I can see

—///

Everything seemed to go from bad to worse

Atleast that’s the way it seemed

We kept fighting

That’s just the way we came up

It didn’t matter how things went down

No body from Washington

Ever followed us anyhow

And no one could sing the blues

Like the working man

The women

From my mountain town

—-///

They talked

In their high places

Of promises

Gold and silver too

And see

Them communist

And see them fascist

They’re all just left and right

Different fists

Of the same beasts

Coming out of the ocean

–/////

Nobody ever follows us down

There’s a woman

By the river

She washes her children’s clothes

And there’s a man hanging from the tree

And you can hear the hymn she sings

No one can sing these truths

Like the eyes of those who will remember you…

—///

Well god is on our side

So long as everything stays right

And power and greed

And corruptible seed

And dylan played it well

—-///

And we will rise

And work today

No matter who fell

We will rise

And we will die

And we will grieve

No one follows us down

No one follows us down

—-///

I set my e yes s toward the burning sun

And pray to God above

No one

Knows these truths

Like the working man

The hungry man

The woman

The mother

The wife

And no one

Ever follows us down

We will remember you well

Casting hope

Like light

Upon the water

—///

Log 1

Space is cold

Its vastness overwhelms the humanity in us …

It doesn’t know how to be gentle

It doesn’t know how to be soft

All of our sins

All of our restlessness

Finds us here

—–

We are, so, so very alone ….

It makes you wonder why we fight among ourselves

I think about how much I’ve failed myself ….

The ways I could have been better…

Probably should’ve been better….

——

I’m sorry I can’t be with you

I miss you

Your skin

Your lips

The softness of you

The sound of your voice

I know we have recordings

But these don’t replace

Our secret moments

Find me in the dark

I dream of you

And your heartbeat

My head resting against you

That’s you

Your perfume

Your hair

Living

Breathing

Your hand in my hair

You laughing about something I said

——-

I wish you could see the stars from here

They look so much like your eyes…..

– E

The Dustbowl

Let hell be barred

His saved ones

Know his voice

And he calls them by name….

Somewhere

In the deepest darkest corners

Of the mind

We’ve lost ourselves

And an entire generation

We’ve been so lost

With politics

Politicians

What is truth?

Suddenly faith

Becomes stranger than fiction

Four years flies by and we forget how to think

God forbid I fail to pray for you

We say Jesus could never be!

He was murdered, he was a good man, well meaning, but he died.

We forget the earth trembled to take him…

We forget the power…of the blood…

We forget that he was not relaxing

Writing a memoir for those three days…

He was in hell…

Taking the keys ….

Jesus said,

In case you forget,

“I freely lay down my life.”

Let that sink in

“And so I am free to take it up again. No one takes it from me. I lay it down of my own free will. I have the right to lay it down; I also have the right to take it up again. I received this authority personally from my Father.”

We want something that feels good

We want something that looks good

But meanwhile the world is confused and burning

Because no one is standing in the gap

Reaching across the breach

Shaking them lose

We have no Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednegos

who are cast into the furnace but do not burn

We have no Elijah

Praying

So there is no

fire of the LORD to fall and burn up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and the water in the trenches…

There has got to be someone

in this land

Who like Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Understands

It’s the world we leave for our children

And

“If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction.”

There is a faith

A calm assurance like David and Jonathan, saying perhaps God will give us favor today…

“I know in whom I have believed, and am fully persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.”

We want what we want and we want it now.

We want to talk about the end times

But we haven’t even got enough oil. To make it past noon…

Let Hell be barred, God be right and Everyman a liar. Give us someone with a fire in their bones.

God spoke and put flesh on dry bones ,

Supplied enough for the Israelites in the desert and lead them with a pillar of fire…

But we can’t even wear a mask.

And we think we are prepared

For such a time as this

We think we are ready

For such a time as this

We get so angry

Over religion

And politics

And

We have all our faith in one man

In Washington

And expect him to meet us where we are and fix this nation….

Maybe it’s not Washington

Maybe it’s not school

Maybe it’s not suicide

Maybe it’s not streaming

Maybe it’s not social media

Maybe it’s not your parents

Or your zip code

Or your salary

Maybe it’s because once upon a time

In Steinbeck’s dustbowl there was a people that knew his voice and could not be moved

And they were his saved ones

And he provided a way….

You can’t hit a target you can’t see…

But you can get up and start walking

And God can provide enough light

For just the next step

And that will make the journey…

God told Samuel to stop mourning….

And he anointed David….

But it was another ten years before he became king…at the age of 30…

Your chapter is not your story.

Maybe the same God that caused a great bang and split the atom and bled the universe that is still expanding

And lay down his life just to raise it up again after wrestling the serpent in hell for three days….to claim victory over the sting of death…

Who turns and looks upon you when you pray ….

The same God that called David

The same God

Who prayed until his sweat became blood….

He is preparing something better…

But we can’t function without WiFi

And we want to put our trust in politicians

And we want to put our trust in systems that fade away

And we want what we want

And we don’t even know what that is

But we want it right now….

I have faith, lord, help our unbelief….

Interior blue

We make from the interior of sadness

Poetry

From the fires of life

We create art

I was inspired

To write this

After

Wanda Coleman’s poem “Wanda Why Aren’t You Dead

It is not an attempt to replicate

It simply opened my eyes to bringing our demons to light

——

I am intrigued by you

I am curious about you

You make me nervous

I cannot put a label on you

Why do you dress the way you do

You always dress up

Why don’t you just relax

You’re not like anyone around here

Why are you still here

Why are you here, why haven’t you left yet …

You are not a writer

Don’t write about your pain

Write what you want to write

You don’t want to be a burden

Don’t whine

You stupid fuck

You’re not a real writer

You’re just like your father

You’re a failure

You’ll probably die young

You’re vomiting randomly

You’re probably dying

Crohns

Don’t be picky about your food

You ate potatoes growing up

You know, no one is really going to love you

No one is really going to be attracted to you

You’re too fucking weird

You’re probably even bad at sex

You’re a quitter

You quit your career

You left your marriage

You left your town

You’re running

You’re less than nothing

You will never be happy

Why are you still here?

You’re going to keep faking it

You’re too much for people

They are merely curious

Nothing else

Why haven’t you killed yourself yet?

You know, no one else will ever want to sleep with you…

You’re too awkward

Your stomach

Your scar

Why does your stomach growl so much ?

Can’t you make it stop?

You’re too thin

Omg I hate thin guys

Why don’t you just let yourself have a dad bod

You work too much

You should relax

Just take all of your sleeping pills

Then you can relax

You know I’m going to kill you right?

You will probably die alone

Like your dad

Why are you even still here

Didn’t you go to college?

Oh my god, I feel so bad that you didn’t go to real school

You must be so dumb

There is nothing here for me

There’s no reason for me to be here

I hate everyone here

I feel like you’re suddenly your own person

You want your secrets and your life

You walked out

Quitter

You gave up

I thought you were different but you ended up being just like the rest of them, selfish trash.

You will never have a marriage like your grandparents

It’s not your fault

It’s not your fault

Love doesn’t have to hurt

You can let yourself have a flare up

You don’t have to write it funny

You can vomit as soon as you get home

And it just be a flare up

You can eat cheesecake

You can write how you feel

You are still you

You’re going towards something good

You are ok

You don’t have to be perfect

You don’t have to be perfect

You can be good

You can be good

You are enough

You tried your best

Your best was more than enough

Because it was still – you

You

Are

Someone’s

Something

Make someone’s day easier

Let them know when you think about them

You never know who you will lose

Let it go

You never know what’s coming for you

You are broken but still whole

Be here now