Tag: youth

2020 #43

When I was younger

My neighbor planted these pear trees in his front yard…

They were attractive trees

The only problem was, every time the wind blew, they lost a limb or split down the middle.

I remember because that season we had tornadoes every Friday.

My dad had a cherry tree. He hated it. That same summer he tried cutting down.

It came back.

He tried pulling it up with his tractor.

But it came back.

Finally he cut it, and then burned it.

——

The night I had to go to the house and found my father had passed away…

I remember walking outside in the rain I looked over

And saw that the cherry tree was back…

I laughed, it had outlasted my dad.

——-

The pear trees looked better.

They didn’t take up space

And everyone loved them

But they were frail…

——-

I hope you’re like the cherry tree

I hope you’re resilient

I hope you fight tooth and nail for what you believe in… and for yourself

I hope you don’t give up what’s keeping you moving.

I want to be like that

For my health

For my life

For my art

Keep going

Take up space

Grow large

What else is there?

Bleeding ink 1,519

I read somewhere that if a man cares about you…you won’t ever have to wonder how he feels…

He will remind you.

So I was thinking about you…

And I hope you are good

I hope your days are good

I hope you find the love

That is slow and deep

So deep that you can’t feel the bottom

I hope it’s the champagne kind of love…

I hope you are reminded daily

Even when he isn’t there

She said something about the honeymoon being over

It isn’t supposed to last

It’s a marriage after all…

But marriage is an island babe.

If you don’t bring it,

You won’t find it here…

So bring it

Bring the champagne

Bring the slow dances

Bring the starry eyes

Bring the ties

The lipstick

The records

Whatever it takes

To make it through

Bring that

How else will they know?

That they’re the only thing you see

Across the room?

-regardingsamuel.com

Bleeding Ink 1,518

Time out of mind

My insides are stone

All I do is groan

What kind of love….she said

Cold hands

I’m free

But when the lights go down

When the traffic is tight

While I’m waiting

I still hear him

I still see him

Stomping

Yelling

Who knew

Marriage was war

——-

She feels herself slipping away

She sees him

And feels the blow from his words

The blow from his hands

That selfish way he demands

——

It’s a long way

Long way from home

She has that vacant stare in her eyes

Like a war vet

You know she’s reliving it

——

She’s praying for salvation

——

Hoping she can still touch things gently

There’s nothing left to see…

Nothing left to say

He may not hit you

But he may cut your off from your circle

He may cut you down

He may gaslight you

He may suddenly twist it

And make you feel like

Your feelings are invalid

He may sit down and portray a conversation

But it’s really just conditioning you

So you can go back to the way he needs you

He may be nice here

And over there

And those little moments feel so bright

Because they are so few and so far

——

What does it matter now

There’s barely light here now

I’m always reaching

But I can never find

Is there some way out

Some piece of me left?

Just buckets of pain

Buckets of rain

Cities on fire

I’m not even crying

Barely even trying

What’s the point

My heart broke some time ago …

Now there’s just

Flashes of colour

Flashes of pain

What is there left here to spare ?

Bleeding Ink 1,516

Why do we pretend so hard

That we’re doing fine

When we know

We’re just passing shadows in this house

The echoes in the night

Are just whispers of our pride

I left all my thoughts out on the lawn

And I pray

I pray

I can get some sleep

But my cuts run too deep

I guess my soul is bleeding out

Why do we pretend

When we both know

I tried

I lied

Like the flowers you let die

And you can’t even look at me

Tell me

How long does it take

For love to run out

Is it red hands

Is it pills

To put us to sleep

So we don’t have to see

That you don’t even touch me

Anymore

Unless it’s to slam the door

I guess I

Can’t stand here anymore

We’re both too good at this fight

Or maybe we just ran out of time

Why do we do what we do

Like shadows passing in the night

And now I make dinner for one

I still hold my tongue

And I can’t sleep

I can’t sleep

I still hold my tongue

So hard that I wake up and my lips bleed

———

I can’t write this book anymore

It’s a knife in my gut

This year is too too damn old

Oh babe

You can’t start a fire

Crying over your past

We have to let these things go

We have to let these things go

Exist

I know, what voices cross the waters at Midnight

They keep reminding you

Of old versions of you

They’re there in the corner

———

My chest is flooded

My eyes are on fire

My throat is filled with coal

——-

Exist

Beyond what you were dreaming

All of your enemies already know ….

And these days

Are just a dry county

You’re waking up

———

I know what voices cross the waters

I know you know

But just so….

Keep existing

Keep believing

Keep walking

Your light won’t go out

Your soul is on fire

These are your days

Mute the noise

Photo origin unknown

Hold on

You’re waking up

Put your money where your mouth is

Can you even write a tune

Do you know what it is that you feel?

——

All the soldiers left the post

Ready or not

The new moon is out

The puppet is about to be real

Put your money where your mouth is

Do you know what it is that you bought

Do you do what they spell?

Do you even know what it is that you feel?

——

Hold on

Mute the noise

Main Street is closed

You’re waking up

Don’t be scared

You’re real

Exist above the mainstream

Thank you

For being here

You’re real

2020 #26

She’ll love you, with eyes so bright. You will realise your hunger and your curse. As you walk through this world.

Today they are burning down the streets. The changing of the guards is still incomplete…

And I know, I know, it’s easy once you’ve been burned, to turn your face to the cold and blame your long time family curse, and I know it hurts….

But look around dear, how many of us, really feel anything, anymore around here?

I loved you like the first, I loved you with my best…

She’ll love you, she’ll pull you in…out in the open fields…

You can’t box her in…

She’s anger, she’s fists, she’s fire, she’s all woman…but she breaks so easily…she’s scared of the reality of being…

She changed her mind

And disappeared like smoke

All you can do is hope

She felt your heart next to hers

Now let her go

Turn your face to the sun

And don’t you turn cold

Bleeding Ink #1,477

Some years ask questions

Some years ask for sacrifice

Hold on now, the truth is coming in

——-

Like the tide now,

Some water is deeper

Some hearts are stone

Sunlight is easy

When it’s on her face

Sometimes your city

Burns before your eyes

——-

Some years ask questions

There’s a kid with batteries

He’s playing Star Trek

Red on black

Black on gold

He doesn’t know he’s poor

He just knows he’s happy

When the sun goes down

———

I’ve carried this darkness

Since before my father died

I was there that night

I read his old letters

I cast his demons aside

Some questions get answered

Some you just have to lay down

———

I still see this darkness

I know it will take me

It’s just a matter of when

Some things I won’t understand

But we all are running out of time

I just keep laying words down

——-

They said they found him

With two shotgun shells

Some things are too too heavy

I stood there asking

Was it the darkness

Or was it his heart?

Sometimes you’re happy

And lady

When you smile….

Half of me is sun

Half of me is moon

I learned to live with this darkness

Some days are nightfall

Some days you just have to look for the light

——-

Some years….

Some years

Lady you’re a free girl now

You just keep walking

You’ll make it

A pocketful of questions

A handful of stones that you lay down….

2020#20

I will soon be 31

I’m not 24

25

I’m not what once was

But neither are you

——

I’m waking up to a new way

Same face

New day

——-

These days drag on

It’s just the way we move

In the night

Body to body

Hearts orbiting the sun

The heat in the night

The salt on your skin

Your lips

Hand on my heart

——

These days

They’ll cut you dry

Like stalks in October

They’ll leave you there

You miss the crowds

——

I hope that you fight the madness

Inside your head

I hope you live

——

They say this is the new normal

new world order

I’m here to say

I will thrive

No matter how history decides to record this

With every broken bone

With every flare up

Every sleepless night

I’m not waiting for permission

We have to live

—

Reach over that wall

Face your cravings

What do you want?

Really?

Stop waiting

You have to live

——

I asked myself a long time ago

How I would manage these days

You have to come home to yourself

I’ll soon be 31

I’m tired

But I’m going to keep walking