Tag: comedy

Beagle in The City #293

Ethan: (steps in something…) what the?? Ugh…FRANCIS! Francis Cash! Get in here!
Francis: What did I do?
Ethan: Why did you not use your litter box? Oh my god, it’s everywhere…this is carpet man.
(Starts to clean it up.)
Wait, this isn’t sh$t this is olives…
Simon: Yeah, I wouldn’t eat those, they’re gross and disgusting.
Francis: Atleast he tries new tings.
Simon: the cheeses were good tho.
Ethan: man, I was saving these…

Beagle in the City #291

Francis: (shuffling in the room)

Ok pops, we’ve got to get you moving. It’s time to get you out there, you’re not getting any younger you know.

Ethan: What are you talking about?

Simon: we set you up an adoption profile. So you can get adopted.

Ethan: say that again? And you better be looking for a new place to live while you’re at it…

Francis: Ok, so what’s some good qualities…you’re house broke, you’re good with kids…qualities…qualities …I’ve got nothing …

Simon: He’s a good hunter…and he likes to walk.

Francis: He is good with the snacks, and couch snuggling. Do we have any fish? Or cammo? He’s gonna have to hold something so they know he’s a catch.

Ethan: Guys! No! Delete it. What? This is for PETS! And I’m fine! I’m happy.

Francis: Hmmm I’m unconvinced but if you insist.

Ethan: I insist, I’ve got this. Really. I do. Everything is fine.

Beagle in the City #290

Simon: What if we had pizza
Francis: I want chicken nuggets! FIFTY chicken nuggets.
Ethan: we’re having…we’re having…Space soup.
Simon: This isn’t very promising.
Ethan: It’s very good. You’ll like it.
Francis: Where’s the space? I don’t see the space? Are you sure you’re making this right?
Simon: are we poor? You can hit me with it dad. I’m a big dog.
Francis: oooh tuna, what’s poor? Is that in this ?
Ethan: What! (Slams counter) nonsense! You gentlemen, are the richest scoundrels I personally know.

Francis Cash #17

Francis: have you seen the news!

Ethan: What did I tell you about watching the news…

Francis: It’s the end of the worlds…there’s no point of snax anymore.

Ethan: Then don’t read the news.

Ethan: Listen, your reason for snax, was made up by guys like me. To sell snax. There’s never been a point to anything.

Francis: You stole that from Adsmen.

Ethan: 1st it’s madmen and yes, because it’s true. The only thing you’re competing with is yourself.

Francis: So I should zoom faster and take more naps?

Ethan: sure:

Out of mind

There’s a man

Going around

Passing out promises

Gold and silver too

But the success

Never reaches down this far

No,

They won’t follow you down

And every woman I know

Works harder than two men

And they love

And they bleed

And they sew up our needs

And like Cash said

“When the man comes around”

Well, they won’t follow you down

So we fight

And we survive

Even when our paychecks

Barely make it through

What else are we to do

The silver and gold

Doesn’t come down this far

But they pass it around

With promises too

But they won’t follow you down

—-///

And I

I can’t write

My head is filled with clouds

I try to sit

But I can’t breathe

I watch the colour in the trees

And I think

About the dumpster on the side of the road where we used to get shoes and we used to get books…

And I think

About time

I hope I’ve used mine

Well

I think about the old man

Who lived in a school bus

And had a teenager for a wife

Her eyes said she had escaped something worse

A sort of curse

But I was too young to understand

Now, I think as I try to write, what good am I? What good am I?

If we can’t listen

If we look away

What good am I

And what good have I done …

A clouded head is part of Crohn’s

Just like the ache in the bones

The shouting stomach

The anxiety and the depression

I write about it but I can’t talk about it

And you’ll never see it

I guess

We all are just stories in the end

And we want what we want

And we say it sets us apart

And we expect others to know

But part of us stays on the road

Because even we don’t know…

And all we have is time…