Tag: comedy

Beagle in the City #255

Simon: So what do I need to know, about the cats…

Casper: Well, first, they are not dogs. And they never will be.

Simon: Ok ok, well, how do I play with him?

Casper: They don’t do fetch. Sometimes, they pounce on you, while you’re sleeping. And sometimes, while you’re just walking down the stairs…

Simon: When do they sleep?

Simon: do they know about chase the stick ?

Or roll in the grass?

Or chase the ball?

Or walk around the park?

Casper: No, but sometimes, they break things and you get blamed for it. And sometimes they jump out of no where and scare you.

Simon: Scandal!

Beagle in the City #254

Francis Cash: My name is Francis, I have the bloodline of royalty.

Francis: unfortunately, I was not living the life of royalty. I was in a shelter. But then I met this nice man.

Francis: I could see opportunity.

Ethan: This is Francis, we decided to adopt him. Simon, helped, I figured we could watch Star Trek and the X- Files together and he wouldn’t be scared.

Francis: He seemed nice enough. I decided I would let him live with me. We could work something out. I would have to put up with the doggo, but I could tell this was a writer.

Francis: Ahh yes, I could sense the stories.

Simon: Heyyyyv Francis!

Francis: Sniff my paw,it’s soft.

Simon: No, no, nope, I may have fell for that the first time and the second time…but I’m not going to fall for it again.

Simon: what do you even do with a cat?? I have so many questions. . .

Beagle in the City #253

Simon: Dad! Dad! No no no no no no no no!

Ethan: Hey what is wrong man? Breathe, now, sit down. Ok. Much better.

Simon: Someone stole the bed. I know, because I was going to bed, but it’s not there because SOMEONE STOLE it!

Ethan: No one stole it.

Simon: They didn’t ?

Ethan: Nah, it was just Aliens. You know, (whistles X-Files theme)

Simon: I knew it!

Ethan: No, I’m putting together a new bed. Are you gonna help me or not?

Simon: I don’t think we can get this done in time for bed..

Ethan: Sure we can!

Ethan: I may have made a miscalculation on the difficulty of this…

12 hours later. Or, the next day.

Ethan: Simon! I finally finished! Come on, let’s go to bed!

L: Did he not go to sleep?

Ethan: No, he waited all night.

L: well, hey, I’ve got to ask you something.

L: Guys? Guys?

Ethan: zzzz

Simon:zzzzz

Beagle in the City #247

Simon: I’m thinking about making a wine.

Ethan: Really?

Simon: Yes, it will be really great. Hints of Bone Broth, bark and dark thistles.

Ethan: Mmm (gags) that sounds (gags) delicious.

What’s the name?

Garf: I got this, name it, Din Din number 1

Simon: Bacon.

Ethan: I can tell you’re new at this.

Garf: Trash.

Simon: Beagle Brigade

Garf: Unleashed.

Beagle in the City #246

Pizza man: Hey Simon!

Simon: Hey best friend.

Garfunkel: Hey Who is it?

Simon: Nobody, go away.

Pizza man: that’ll be 15 dollars.

Garf: You can’t PAY the pizza man with dog treats. He needs cash. He’s gonna cut your paws off!

Simon: Well, I hope he likes dog treats.

Simon: This is my friend puddles. He’s going to pay you.

Garf: What? That’s not my name !

Pizza man: that’s a cool name

Simon: It’s cause he pees in the floor.

Ethan: Hey man, here’s your money. Sorry it took so long. Come on boneheads.

Beagle in the City #244

Simon: Every day, dad comes home on lunches, and we go to the outside. It’s great. We play for days.

Ethan: You realize, it’s only one hour. And most people actually get to eat on their lunch.

Garfunkel: Well I’m just a starvin’ marvin, just a starvin’ marvin, I ain’t eat in three whole days!

Ethan: What are you singing? What is this?

Garfunkel: what if we all go and get sammiches.

Ethan: How about peanut butter and you guys go to the bathroom like you’re supposed to. I’m about to have to leave.

Simon: Whaaat what do you have left, a week, three days? Is it 57 minutes! No not the minutes! They are so sad!

Ethan: that’s it, I’m leaving. I’m never coming back. I’ll send you a postcard.

Garfunkel: Wait for me! Bum bum dum dum starvin’ marvin…