Simon: Bad news dad,your polls don’t look so good. We haven’t went to see mom in forever.
Ethan: Ok. We will tonight. Let’s take a picture.
Simon: You mean, like, for Dogue. I thought you had forgot.
Ethan: No. for mom.
Simon : I feel a cover shoot coming on. Fall Issue. Say it with me dad.
Simon: I would like to thank my fans, the veterinarian society,all the food trucks and nachos.
Ethan: For mom. Send one to mom.
Simon: Mom.mom. I don’t know this person. I’m too famous now.
Ethan: are you tired? What have you done today?
Simon: Napped mostly. I also ate a snack.
Simon: What’s the belt for dad?
Simon: Good idea,dad. You don’t want the trash to get burglarised.
Ethan: We certainly wouldn’t. I’ve got to do laundry.
Simon: Do I smell nachos? Hello nacho goodness. Wait. Ugh. The belt.
Ethan: I see the lock works.
Simon: Good one dad. Sorcery!
Of all the places
I would want to be
I couldn’t even write
I want that place
To be you
I think the longer we are together
The more I want you
Simon: Hey dad! What are we going to do today?
Ethan: I’ve got to give you a bath…
Ethan: Come on, Simon.
Ethan: It’s just a bath.
Simon: But you worked so late. You should be tired.
Ethan: It’s gotta happen, be a man.
Simon: I’m a dog.
Simon: oh god oh god. I’m gonna drown. I just know it.
Ethan: I’m not going to trick you. But- if you come out, I’ll give you a peanut butter cracker and I’ll let you help me mop the floor.
Simon: Easy bargain for you dad. I’m probably going to be dead. (Hops in bath tub)
Simon: ok this isn’t so bad, maybe he forgets the water.
Ethan: Ok ready for a rinse? Good boy.
Simon: Rats. So close!
Simon: Just don’t take a picture of me naked,dad.
Ethan: You got it.
Simon: I still get a cracker?
Ethan: I’ve got it right here. Extra peanut butter.
Simon: Oh boy. Just like my tooth paste. And don’t forget my ears. They’ve been itchy.
Ethan: Sure thing boss.
Simon: Hey dad! Whatcha doin’?
Ethan: Wrapping Mom’s Christmas present. See? Gotta get a head start.
Simon: Ohhhh that’s a good present. She’s a nice woman. You should get her something. Listen, about women. I’ve been reading, and I think you’re possessed.
Ethan: I really hope you mean depressed.
Simon: We should go out. I can be your wing man. Babes love dogs. And excercise. Look. . .
Simon: I’ve even got a headband. Let’s do it dad.
Ethan: As persuasive as your argument is, you do realize your mom and I are together right? Hence, the gift.
Simon: What? Are you serious? Well, this is fantastic. Good job dad.
Ethan: Yeah, you even call her mom.
Simon: Well, yeah dad. That’s her name. Make sure you put it on the present. I just thought she came over and liked to hang out. She does steal my side of the bed …but I was trying not to say anything.
Simon: So you’re wrapping for Christmas huh? I wonder if she likes sticks?
I recently took the time to send an email. I’ve never sent one quite like this. And I wasn’t expecting an answer. You don’t have to comment-I just wanted to share this moment with you.
The President of the United States.
Fort Payne, Alabama.
Dear Mr President,
I just wanted to take the time to write you and say, thank you. Thank you for these past eight years of leadership and service you have given us.
I live in Alabama, probably the most conservative state. And I have grown up under your administration…for the most part…but since I started asking questions and really looking at things…
I have to say, thank you. For what you have accomplished for science, and women’s rights, for equality and for arts and education.
And judging by this election, if this is any standard for the government you have been working with…
You have accomplished a stellar amount. I really believe we are moving forward. We can’t go back.
I hope you and your family are well.
I’m just a 27 year old writer of poetry and stories about our shelter dog. I know you deserve a break and some time for yourselves. . .
But I really wish we could just keep you. If only for a while longer.
Take care. And thank you,again. Sir.
Simon: Dad. What have you done?
Ethan: Oh. Hey,buddy.
Simon: What happened to Bed? It’s broken.
Ethan: I know,isn’t it great? I’m putting a new headboard on to surprise mom.
Simon: It’s pack time for bed time…but I guess I’ll wait.
Ethan: Uh oh… This new one doesn’t seem to fit.
Simon: I guess we’ll just stay awake forever until we die.
Ethan: Oh look. Mom’s hair bands. Boy, she’ll be glad I found these.
Simon: Oh good..she’ll be needing a silver lining.