Beagle in the City #224

Ethan: Ok boys, you two can be my caddy. Are you ready?

Simon: Oh yes. Swoosh! I can’t wait.

Garf: I hate this. What is this? Why all the excitement?

Simon: swish!! Swoosh! Where’d it go? Someone stole your ball dad! I bet it was a gofer! I’ll dig it up.

Ethan: I hit the ball. Now watch the ball… and then go get it and bring it back.

Garf: I’m lying down in this nice patch of dead grass.

Simon: I’m watching it dad. I’m ready.

Ethan: Simon. Simon. Let go. The club…I have to hit the ball first…give me the club! Knock it off!!

Simon: Hey dad! I got you a better club…

Ethan: That’s a stick.

Simon: It’s real solid. Oak!

Simon: Listen to this SWOOSH!

Ethan: Give me MY club.

Simon: What is this?

Ethan: Callaway

Simon: Like the nut?

Ethan: No that’s pistachio

Garf: The Painter?

Ethan: Thats Picasso

Simon: Who’s painted ?

Ethan: just forget it. You’re all nuts.

Simon: Pistashio! Swoosh! That’s a good club dad.

Simon: Here Garf, your turn.

Garf: Hey! Knock it off! Why’d you hit me for? Don’t throw things…

Ethan: you’re supposed to catch it…

Simon: Swish! Swoosh! Pistashio!


Beagle in the City #223

Ethan: I’m telling you I think it’s the other one.

Garf: Nah come on man. I don’t think he’s got the talent. He’s out of here.

Simon: What are we doing guys?

Garf: Quiet I’m watching my shows!

Simon: bark bark bark. It’s a monster!! Quick ! Get under the table! Save yourselves!

Ethan: quiet. Other people live here man.

Simon: Gee dad, see if I ever protect you again. You don’t know what’s out there…I’ve been watching some dogumentaries and they are very convincing…

Ethan: for the last time…everything we watch on tv isn’t true man. It’s just pretend. It’s just shows.

Simon: Ok well then… how do we explain Garf. What is he then?

Ethan : ….

Simon: ….

Ethan: Well Garf, he’s just a hellbeast.

Garf: That’s right, and you better watch your back. Especially at night.

Simon: Is that true dad?

Beagle in the City #222

Ethan: Hold on guys let me get an umbrella out of the car. It’s pouring down rain, I know how much you hate to go in the rain.

Ethan: Simon, wait, get out of the car. We’re not going anywhere. I just had to get the umbrella.

Simon: No, no, and nope. It’s raining out there. I’m fine right here.

Ethan: I have to take Garf out.

Garf: Hey, what are you doing in the car? Are we going for a ride?

Ethan: No. we are not going for a ride. We are going to the bathroom.

Garf: Oh good, because I get the worst gas when I go on car rides.

Ethan: Just go to the bathroom.

Simon: You guys go ahead, I’ll just sit right here. I’m fine.

Ethan: Simon! Get out of the car. Come on.

(Simon jumps to the back. Then to the front. Ethan opens the drivers door. Simon jumps to the passenger seat. And so it goes)

Ethan: I’m going to leave you here. I have to bring Garf in. So don’t pitch a fit and cry when I leave.

Simon: I’m good.

Ethan: Fine. But this was your choice.

Garf: It’s ok, I know the way I can take myself. It’s through the big door. And then you’re home.

Ethan: which door?

Garf: The door. It’s just the one door.

Ethan: Every door doesn’t bring you home buddy.

Garf: What…

Ethan: Ok Simon, you win, you want to go with me to get gas?

Simon: Ok lets do this. Floor it dad.

Beagle in the City #221

Ethan: Hey Garf! How are you,man?

Garf: Hey! I missed you. I also don’t have to go. I’ll probably go after you leave.

Simon: Hey dad. Since I’m 3 now… can I have my own cup of coffee?

Ethan: No.

Simon: Hot Chocolate?

Ethan: No.

Simon: Beer?

Ethan: Sorry but no. You can’t have alcohol or chocolate.

Simon: What! Simon:There’s more things I can’t have?? What’s alcohol ?

Ethan: Beer.

Simon: What?

Ethan: Never mind…

Simon: I guess I’ll eat these dry kibbles and prison water…

Ethan: Oh yeah, you really suffer.

Garf: Breakfast!!

Beagle in the City #220

Ethan: Good lord, none of my pants fit anymore. Are you kidding me! I have got to work out.

Garf: Yes, I know what you mean. I’ve gotten fat too. We’re not as young as we used to be.

Ethan: I’m still young.

Garf: I remember once in ’97

Ethan: you weren’t here back then…

Simon: What’s a ’97 dad?

Ethan: Oh god.

Simon: Dad, you know what would make you feel better? A couple of cheeseburgers and some tator tots. Maybe some ice cream.

Ethan: No from now on, We’re eating healthy.

Garf: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Before we all get motivated, and start changing things. Maybe we should take a nap first. I always take naps first.

Simon: Naps!


All the versions

Of ourselves

We try to forget

And you struggle to remember

How you got here

And all the awkward


You held so tight

The connotations

The invitations

The desperate flight

They are all suddenly

Sand in a jar

Soon to be



Gone in the wind

And suddenly

We are older

And trying to remember

How many steps forward we made

And to all of the steps back

Hoping we have enough time

To climb back up again….

Beagle in the City #219

Bodies and Smiles

Friday, 10:30 am

Strange foot prints from an apparent unseen figure appear leaving a double murder.

Ethan: Homicide, If you’re going to write a report you need to say it right.

Simon: Shut up, you are not a good partner right now. I knew I should have brought Garf. He’s street smart. I’m going to call it in.

Ethan: I’m just saying.

Simon: This is Dog Bonz to Shelter. I have a double Homicide with apparent foot prints that are untraceable.

Garf: Guys we’re out of goldfish crackers. Also, I have to pee.

Simon: Don’t go in the office!

Ethan: Use the pad!

Simon: How do you expect him to learn anything!

Garf: I was supposed to use the pad? I thought that was to protect the floor. Like, go anywhere but here…

Ethan: Seriously?

Garf: also, you guys have a serial killer on your hands. Another body was found. As well as more crackers. I’m gonna kill some goldfish.

Simon: Wait! A killer?

Ethan: What did you think Homicide and murder was?

Simon: I don’t know. But not this, I’m not chasing a killer. I’m too young to die. I have too many things to do.

Ethan: Like what? You sleep all day and steal my sandwiches!

Simon:Well, you make crappy sandwiches!

Ethan: then stop stealing them!

Simon: Wait…what if this is an alien life force?

Ethan: I don’t think that’s what this is though…

Simon: It would explain the prints…they just disappear!

Garf: I’m about to abduct some more cheese and crackers…

Ethan: But why leave the bodies?

Simon: Maybe they got everything they need?

Ethan: Maybe they’re still looking?

Simon: We’re going to need to look at some more clues…

Garf: Blues –

Simon: Don’t say it!

Ethan: I told you not to radio everything in….