
Notes

Somewhere
In between
The fields
Of smoke
And ash
Cities
Bombed into remains
——
He saw the sunrise
——
He wondered how
We seek perfection
Like a destination
Where
We will finally
Be able to do
To
Be the thing we desire
Out there
Where there is no evil
no wounds
No broken places
No slow sorrow
——-
He checked his bandage
Someone called out his name
——
It was snowing
——
Surely
Surely we must be strong enough
Even in the broken places
To love
To love
To love
Today
-E
We paint things
With hash tags
And love songs
Only
It was just
Two people,
Someone loving,
The other being loved
Someone giving, adoring,
The other, receiving and being adored.
And they called that love
——-
And when she grew tired of it
Cold and empty
They couldn’t understand why
Because everything from their side had been great.
——
I held her in my arms
And she stayed there for a moment
And asked me
Why
Why is it
That we always seem to arrive too late …
Dashed against the earth
Like reality
All the colour
All the pain
We never wake up…
Until it’s too late …
—-//
I said I wasn’t sure
And for once
I really wasn’t
Or maybe
I didn’t want to be
-E
But there is nothing great
About the “starving artist”
There is nothing great
About suicide
Self harm
Self sabotage
Or poverty
These things are just human
We work
We strive
We struggle
And we carve out time to make art
We flex muscles that haven’t been used
Like crossing a bar to talk to a girl that no one has the courage to …
Just do…
Do the things that terrify you
That’s the only things worth doing…
But starving? No
It will change you
Absolutely
Give you subject matter
Yes, maybe,
But you will be stuck in survival mode
Poverty will change you
But does it make you an artist?
I don’t think so…
Making your art
Makes you an artist ….
If you work to eat and make time to make your art
You are an artist
And
If you worry
That you are not real
That you are somehow
Faking it
know
Yes
You are real
You are making it
And you should continue
-E
Don’t prepare your anxieties
Spring it on them
The shot of bourbon
The meal
The comedy
The satire
Live your life
Dance
Make out
In the kitchen
Loosen
Breathe
You will live
And we all will die
Create
If you will
Create
Poetry
memory
Create
Or don’t
Don’t even record it
Just do
Just be
In the quietest way
Whatever way
And manner
You feel free
-E
I am up with the morning,
I Fry bologna and slice a tomato and onion
toast and eggs…
——
You have this idea in your head
Whatever it is, it’s been sold to you…
Somewhere you heard it and the pitch and you decided to buy it and believe it and make it your own…
——
Who is worse, me or the narcissist ? The hammer or the nail?
The artist with their delusion
Or the average person unable to see what we see?
I make coffee
There’s a woman in my bed sleeping with the rain
——/
We all need company, touch, a heart that listens
Someone to nurture the good in us
Someone to help us feel normal
If just for a night
——
We work and hope we can still live…
Hope we can be good or better than what we know or fear we really are inside…
But the secret is we still get to decide…
-E
It’s a long walk
From the dream
To the graveyard
Soles of your shoes
Worn through
You try for your art
For your love
You try to write
But is it the words ?
Or the aesthetic
Would the life
The words
Stand on their own?
The hash
The filter
The aesthetic
We are group thought
Born into this newsfeed
Conditioned and groomed
And we are shot through
By the stale morning breath that is reality
We were young
And
We didn’t have expectations
We thought that made us better
But it was a lie
Everybody has expectations
Even if it’s expecting us NOT to have them…
But it was really just saying
I’m afraid I’ll let you down
And then you will leave
—-
People stay with what they know
We dated people that would date us for 7 years while looking for their soulmate
And we dated people who didn’t have any goals or ambition
But why ?
A friend from out of town asked me one night …
I told them it’s just easier because
If you’re with someone who knows exactly what they want
Where they are headed
You’re suddenly afraid
Because you might not be what they need
And you might not get a second chance with them if you let them down or hurt them
But with these other people
You can waste decades
And there’s no risk
It’s just what we know
What we are comfortable with
And used to
Like anything else ….
They just looked at me
Shook their head
Poured another drink…
I thought about how life is….
How we are….
And how nice it is we can change .
At any moment.
-E
Regardingsamuel.com
If winter is cold and empty
Summer
Is fire in the blood
Bourbon on the lips
Out here
On these mountains
Where the dust settles
In the valley
Like the floor of the churches
Along the tracks in your hometown
We learned
About fire raining down burning the alter and the dirt around it
Survivalism is our anthem
Overcoming
Is what we are
And we didn’t have much
But it was enough
authenticity is learned
Like intimacy
And truth
She teaches herself
How to live
How to overcome
How to be anything
And you are earth
Grounded
She is sky
Higher than
What they are selling
She’s ok with the finer things
She’s ok with the little things
She’s always growing
Alright
You have to keep going
You have to keep growing
You have to understand
Anything can change
Anything can happen
There’s no rules
summer
On the mountain
It used to be the kind of
Thing
You were carefree
Trains on the track
Gas in the Datsun
You were and you weren’t
Time after time
It’s alright
We become as we grow
Fire in her eyes
Lonely isn’t empty
You get knocked out
Broke down
Let down
Time after time
You build yourself back
You build yourself back
You pour out the bitter
You cut out the root
You keep growing back
Like these mountains
Like these roads
Only local understands
You continue
She continues
You continue
We continue
Go
-E
Regardingsamuel.com