That’s what it is right?
You sit down
Have a conversation with your partner
Do we want more than just these pets?
Do we want a person?
It’s not like baking a cake you know…
This will be with you for 18 to LIFE…
Some of us grow up and move out
Like “see ya only on occasional Holidays.”
Others are eating all of your favorite retirement cereal
And recording over your TiVo.
Changing your Netflix password
In short
Still living in your home,
You know,
Mixing their dirty clothes with yours.
Family planning is a real commitment.
Not one to be made in the heat of the passions sparked from cancelling plans.
Because that’s a serious thing. Once you’re an adult you realize you can stay home and drink
And cook together
And have hot sex
And just watch television together
You know what would change that?
A couple of kids.
Or worse
A couple of thirty somethings…
We’ve had the discussion many times
We decided against children
Somehow
Between my Crohn’s disease
And my wife’s
Epilepsy
I don’t see our children doing so well, unless they come potty trained and with a service animal.
(Pause for effect)
As a matter of matters
We just got back from two Doctor visits.
Neuro and OB/GYN
Five years ago
My wife got an IUD, her insurance paid for the whole thing.
This year?
We will have to shell out at-least 1,000+ dollars
For her SECOND IUD
Let that sink in….
Now I have never thought much about birth control
my opinions were always more of
Hey it’s not my body not my choice
But
if I pay the crap out of pocket on insurance
And work, work, work.
Why isn’t it on my insurance?
It turns out it is…
It says it’s 100 percent covered under our family planning.
However
Like all things there is a LOOP HOLE the size of Mount Rushmore
Leave it to these guys
I wish they had control of my bank act and retirement….
That 100 percent?
Is 100 percent of the allotted budget amount they are given
Which is 300.00 dollars.
You read it.
What if I did that to my power bill
Or my car payment
Or my mortgage…
That’s crazy!
Birth control and contraceptives should be FREE and readily available to everyone
It’s not a want, it’s a need.
And what if all other medicines were treated this way?
Or with the same stigma as contraceptives
Insulin
Or penicillin?
“Well Mister Stephens
It looks like you enjoy cake and doughnuts too much…
We are not going to cover your insulin.”
And birth control isn’t a one size fits all,Like your baseball cap.
If you work shift work
Have seizures
Are lazy
Can’t read
You’re not going to be able to remember to take a pill
On the 3rd Saturday of every month
At exactly 3:11
While reciting the months of the year, backwards.
But only while Harry Potter is streaming, otherwise – you’re pregnant Marsha.
You have to find the one that works the best for YOU…
And frankly
I know I can get a vasectomy
But that’s a little bit permanent
And
Come on
This is adulthood
We should talk about this stuff
And be open about it
I should be able to plan with my wife
And you should be able to plan with your partner
And every neighboring town should have a planned parenthood
To help with these things
Because the truth is
Even your local health department can help with the financing for these things…
But you don’t see everyone trying to close those down…
Probably because the football coach teaching sex ed doesn’t even know about it.
But hey,
If you do decide to get another pet instead,
Adopt from your local shelter
Because those guys believe they are dragons
And they will love you beyond measure….
This was a humor piece but Learn more below
It’s light here
