The one about Family Planning

That’s what it is right?

You sit down

Have a conversation with your partner

Do we want more than just these pets?

Do we want a person?

It’s not like baking a cake you know…

This will be with you for 18 to LIFE…

Some of us grow up and move out

Like “see ya only on occasional Holidays.”

Others are eating all of your favorite retirement cereal

And recording over your TiVo.

Changing your Netflix password

In short

Still living in your home,

You know,

Mixing their dirty clothes with yours.

Family planning is a real commitment.

Not one to be made in the heat of the passions sparked from cancelling plans.

Because that’s a serious thing. Once you’re an adult you realize you can stay home and drink

And cook together

And have hot sex

And just watch television together

You know what would change that?

A couple of kids.

Or worse

A couple of thirty somethings…

We’ve had the discussion many times

We decided against children

Somehow

Between my Crohn’s disease

And my wife’s

Epilepsy

I don’t see our children doing so well, unless they come potty trained and with a service animal.

(Pause for effect)

As a matter of matters

We just got back from two Doctor visits.

Neuro and OB/GYN

Five years ago

My wife got an IUD, her insurance paid for the whole thing.

This year?

We will have to shell out at-least 1,000+ dollars

For her SECOND IUD

Let that sink in….

Now I have never thought much about birth control

my opinions were always more of

Hey it’s not my body not my choice

But

if I pay the crap out of pocket on insurance

And work, work, work.

Why isn’t it on my insurance?

It turns out it is…

It says it’s 100 percent covered under our family planning.

However

Like all things there is a LOOP HOLE the size of Mount Rushmore

Leave it to these guys

I wish they had control of my bank act and retirement….

That 100 percent?

Is 100 percent of the allotted budget amount they are given

Which is 300.00 dollars.

You read it.

What if I did that to my power bill

Or my car payment

Or my mortgage…

That’s crazy!

Birth control and contraceptives should be FREE and readily available to everyone

It’s not a want, it’s a need.

And what if all other medicines were treated this way?

Or with the same stigma as contraceptives

Insulin

Or penicillin?

“Well Mister Stephens

It looks like you enjoy cake and doughnuts too much…

We are not going to cover your insulin.”

And birth control isn’t a one size fits all,Like your baseball cap.

If you work shift work

Have seizures

Are lazy

Can’t read

You’re not going to be able to remember to take a pill

On the 3rd Saturday of every month

At exactly 3:11

While reciting the months of the year, backwards.

But only while Harry Potter is streaming, otherwise – you’re pregnant Marsha.

You have to find the one that works the best for YOU…

And frankly

I know I can get a vasectomy

But that’s a little bit permanent

And

Come on

This is adulthood

We should talk about this stuff

And be open about it

I should be able to plan with my wife

And you should be able to plan with your partner

And every neighboring town should have a planned parenthood

To help with these things

Because the truth is

Even your local health department can help with the financing for these things…

But you don’t see everyone trying to close those down…

Probably because the football coach teaching sex ed doesn’t even know about it.

But hey,

If you do decide to get another pet instead,

Adopt from your local shelter

Because those guys believe they are dragons

And they will love you beyond measure….

This was a humor piece but Learn more below

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/health-fitness/a23726025/birth-control-will-it-become-the-ultimate-luxury/

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Beagle in the City #231

Ethan: ok boys let’s take some pictures. Simon I got you a present. It’s a NEW-

Simon: Bone! Antler! Wait wait ! Chew toy! Brother!

Ethan: Christmas sweater!

Simon: Really!! Yes!

Ethan: Garf, you have to stay still. Still. Be still.

Garf: Hey Lady!

Ethan: This isn’t working.

Simon: Like this Garf. As still as a statue…

Simon: This is why I get the good stuff, like sausage biscuits and peanut butter and jellies…

Lindz: You’re not supposed to be getting any of those things…

Simon: I mean dried kibbles and waters…

Ethan: Good save bud.

Simon: Have a swingin’ Chrissmas…

Ethan: Not yet buddy,

Simon: Oh ok. Have a swingin’ Thursday!

Ethan: It’s Monday but better.

Simon: What’s a Monday.

Beagle in the City #230

Simon: Hello, father? I would like to make an order for midnight snacks… one pizza, one coffee, and extra breadsticks. Can you just put it all in a trash can?

Ethan: Simon, I’m at work.

Simon: Oh it’s ok. You can just leave it at the door!

Ethan: How about something different

Simon; What are we having tonight?

Ethan: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches .

Simon: I like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!

Cold County #1

Somewhere over Lick Skillet

Nine pm

It’s hotter than the drive thru at McDonald’s on Sunday. The Screen door slammed as he was leaving, Everyone saying their second goodbye for the evening.

The older man walking him to his car. Extending the conversation to the front yard.

He smiled again, and said goodbye, backing out of the driveway. Checked his speed as he made his way down the mountain. The road twisting ahead of his vision.

He was thinking of how peaceful it really is, up in the mountains. Just to drive, the trees, the way they change color in the fall. He rolled down his windows, letting his hand ride the night air like he did when he was younger. Reaching for the stars.

His radio went to static, strange, must be the satellites. He glanced again at the sky, this far up you were away from the city and could see just about any constellation if, you know what to look for. Or thought you knew what to look for. Most people just made things up to keep a girl looking at the sky while they were focused on other things.

Odd thing out…

The stars were gone…

A perfect patch cut out

He pulled off the road onto the bluff.

Lights flashed passed his car from off the side of the mountain.

He checked his phone…the signal was gone

It seemed as though this repeated itself three times.

Driving endlessly, yet still under the dark spot. He stopped his car again. Getting out, he held his phone out, hoping for a signal.

That was when he felt it…

First he saw the clock on his phone flash

Nine pm

He had been driving for hours it felt like,

He had even used half a tank of gas….

It happened so fast

It was like a nightmare in his head…

The strings of a piano being plucked

He could feel them closing in all around him…

Coming from out there

From everywhere

He couldn’t see them

But they were there

Moving

Like shadows

Between the trees

And he could feel their long hands

Reaching for him

Grabbing him

Pulling him down…..

Into the blackness….

The patch in the sky.

Letters to a Nurse 19

It’s light here

This space

We’ve made together

It’s light here

Our backs against the weather

what we have

We’ve made

Against the winter

Against the night

This space

Just for us….

Adulthood may be dark

The future of our discontent

But right here

At home

Right in the now

This moment

Today

the ingredients

For all our tomorrows

Quickly becoming yesterday

It’s light

With you

It’s always light

In mid November

Leaves on the ground

Overcast

gray sun

First frost

It’s warm

It’s light

It’s Home

-Regardingsamuel.com

Ethan Bethune

Beagle in the City #229

Simon: what is it?

Ethan: it’s the new porch Cat.

Simon: I’ve never seen one so close before! I thought you were just make believe tales!

Garf: Cat! Kill it! Bark! Bark! (Cough! Hack ! weez!)

Cat: Hello dumb dumb. Be a good dumb dumb and lie down. Good boy.

Simon: My name is SIMON and I am a shelter dog, this is my parents, they adopted me. That’s mom and that’s dad. I like grass, do you like grass? You’ve probably seen lots of grass and sticks. Do you like to dig? I saw a bird yesterday, it was pretty cool.

Cat: you’re funny, I saw a bird today,

Simon: really! Maybe it was the same

Cat: and then I killed it.

Simon: wha…why .. why…

Garf: Haaack! Cough! I told you, they are evil. We have to kill them all. Before you know it they get moved inside and you’re on the streets!

Simon: Oh that would never happen. I sleep under covers and with a pillow…

Garf: What! I thought you had a cage..

Simon: I mean, I sleep in my crate, because it’s my crate, and no one else’s crate. it’s practically my favorite place to be.

Cat: you’re both prisoners. You get that right?

Garf: We get three meals a day!

Cat: oh, you mean, like a prisoner?

Garf: Kibbles and water! Sounds like Thangs Givings to me!

Beagle in the City #228

Simon: Hey dad. That sure looks good. Is it snack time?

Ethan: Go away, you can’t have cereal.

Simon: But we always share sandwiches.

Ethan: That’s different.

Simon: You have to share dad, because you have to love me, it’s the law!

Ethan: What the crap? Where did you get that? I might have to take care of you. But it’s not the law that I have to love you.

Simon: Yes it is! Because of the day we first met and we became best buds.

Ethan: You are still not getting cereal. But I will make you a sandwich…

Ethan: Hey, have you ever seen The Natural? It’s a baseball movie.

Simon: I love baseball!

Garf: You two would never make it in the streets.