Beagle in the City #208

Simon: What are we doing? What’s that?

Ethan: It’s a golf club. I’m practicing my grip…

Simon: Grip? Well I can do that. If you want to grip it, just grab it like this, and pin it to the ground, and shaaaake it.

Ethan: Give me that. Not that kind of grip. Now. I’m going to hit this ball.

Simon: BALL!

Ethan: Stay. No, stay, do you want me to knock your brains out by accident? Stay – right there.

Simon: I’m a good boy. I’ll stay right here, and then I’ll go get the – BALL!!

Simon: where did it go?

Ethan: It’s out there. Go get it.

Simon: Where?

Ethan: use your nose.

Simon: Oh yeah!

Simon: I godt it. Bleh. It’s kind of wet. Let’s do it again.


Writer’s Log #20

There is something about records…

No streaming.

No alerts

No ads

No bings

No whistles

It’s slower.

Like coffee percolating…

You have to turn it over.

It’s enough to make you slow down and dance in the kitchen with your wife.

No ads no alerts

Just you

Granted, marriage isn’t perfect you know.

You have the nights where you have to get up and sleep on the couch. Because the love of your life keeps kicking you. Or they’re a sauna that just keeps burning.

The dog comes and checks on you, just to make sure you’re ok. But then he goes back to his three blankets and a pillow top.

You’re out here on a stiff couch and a pre war blanket that barely covers your ankles.

But you love them. You chose them after all. And records have a way of reminding you of those choices. If

you let them.

Everyone talks about life being so hard. About writing being so hard. About work being so hard.

Just get up and do something.

It’s good to work.

And it feels great to have made something.

Marriage, it’s live rounds and fox holes. It’s hot summer nights. But what did you expect? You expected one person to be absolutely every anchor and every little thing… to seduce you and keep you and entertain you…

It’s good to have a friend

It’s good to dance in the kitchen

It’s good to slow down

It’s good to wake up next to the one person who knows your middle personality

And loves you anyway.

No bings

No whistles

No alerts

No ads

Just you

And it’s good to be there for someone else.

It’s good to be selfish

And unplug from Netflix

And everything else

It’s good to just be alone in a world


Where things percolate

And take their time

I think maybe some people find it difficult to be that quiet and together. They are afraid of what they might say or see.

But there it is…

like the side B of a relationship

waiting to be turned over….

Beagle in the City #207

Garf: Uh oh, I think strange nice lady is having a seizure.

Simon: Mom! Is this a game? Mom!

Garf: I’m telling you, I’ve seen this before. Except it was a garbage cat. But it was the same…yeah…you’re going to want to call someone.

Simon: What do I do!?! What do I do?!? What do I do?!? Garf, you’ve lived a hard life, you know, in the street…what’s the number for 911??

Garf: I think strange nice man is home…maybe he can help.

Simon: Dad!

Ethan: Calm down, everything is going to be fine. You did a great job.

Simon: That’s not contagious is it? I think mom caught it from Garf. He was coughing you know…

Writers Log #19

I present to you, Garfunkel. Known to us as Garf. And to Simon as the “squatter”

Garf was dropped on our porch before Christmas. He was covered in fleas. Had a bad tooth infection. Worms, fluid on his lungs along with a bad cough he was half starved.

We took him to our local shelter just to make sure no one was looking for him. After we had squared away another pet deposit for our building. We went back and adopted him.

He’s a senior dog. At least 10 or 12 .

I’m not used to an older dog.

At first all he did was sleep. Pee like a race horse and cough non stop, spinning in circles. Simon and I thought he would fall over dead.

Then Simon was jealous because he didn’t get medicine also.

I had to explain that it really was a good thing NOT to have us cram pills and droppers down his throat twice a day. He was unconvinced.

Now Garf’s health is better- and he is almost through his medicines. One of which made him pee like a race horse. His teeth are fixed, his weight is better.

He bounces around and stuffs his entire head in coffee cups. And walks with us around the park.

The incident

I’m not sure how the potty training is going though. I only gave him treats when he went outside, but one morning he was begging, so I gave in. He really is cute. With his scruffy ears. The size of Dumbos.

I gave him a treat. I thought, this should be fine. We just came in from outside. What’s the worst that could happen?

He squatted down and started to take a dump in the floor.

I picked him up and running for the door, the gravity of the situation, forced a loaf out. I stepped in it. Almost fell down the stairs.

I came back in to Simon hiding under the table, looking at me like we had just spit in holy water.

Maybe Garf thinks we give him a treat to MAKE him use the bathroom? Rather than use it OUTSIDE.

Just to be safe, he only gets them OUTSIDE right after he goes. But this morning I tested that theory. He sat there watching me. We both waited. I gave him a treat. He squatted all scrunched and old and took a dump in the frozen grass. Either he is really dumb. Or he’s a genius. Street smarts.

The adjustment

Simon had quite a time…

He was confused

The hardest part is these accidents. Simon could hear him Coughing at night and he would wake us up barking. He became grumpy and frustrated.

One night around 3am, Simon woke me up pawing at my shoulder and then running to the foot of the bed.

Simon: Dad. Dad. Dad.

Ethan: what the crap man? You haven’t had to go out this early since you were a puppy.

I grabbed my robe and half asleep put on one slipper. Looking for the other one. I noticed Simon was just laying in the doorway watching me. He didn’t have to go out. He was lying. You know, like a liar.

That’s when I stepped in it with my barefoot. Garf had an accident.

Simon covered his face

Simon: You better clean that up dad. We’re not supposed to do that inside. Mom’s gonna be so mad. He’s not supposed to do that inside.

I grabbed a mop and started cleaning. Simon went back to bed. He had done his job. He told us about the mess.

Keep in mind, Garf was on Lasix to pull the fluid off his lungs. He was peeing like a race horse. I went back to bed. Simon barked once and then started to growl.

I was just about to kick him. My foot was raised. But then I heard Garf’s coughing.

Garf had wandered into our room and was facing the bed. And about to pee on the carpet.

I grabbed him up and ran him back outside.

So it’s went

Simon hiding under the table. Watching accidents happen. Wondering why Garf doesn’t get in the same trouble as he does.

I don’t know how long Garf will be with us. But I think he’s deserving of having whatever time he has left, in a happy home. Where he is loved and taken care of. With walks in the park and listening to Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and the Rat Pack on Vinyl. Which he really likes. He just sits in the floor in front of the record player and listens. After all. We all will be old one day. Even Simon.

And this way, I’ll be a little more prepared to take care of Simon too.

Simon: Hey this music really swings!

Beagle in the City #206

Simon: Dad, dad, we need to have a talked. It is of importance!

Ethan: Ok, what’s up buddy.

Simon: Well, I k ow you were in the hospitable for a while. At first, I thought you were just with mom. But then, she said no.

Ethan. Ok. So what else…

Simon: Garf, he’s got to start contributing to the pack. He’s a squatter. He needs a job.

Ethan: This- from -YOU?

Simon: I have a job dad. Fierce Protector!