I woke up this morning about 4am
Which was shocking at first
Because I had drank 4 shots of tequila and a vodka within 20 minutes
So I kinda thought “oh my god This is the afterlife . ”

Turns out I was wrong …. Such a let down . I would have enjoyed haunting a few people .

So I then proceeded to make THE worst pot of coffee EVER .
It was just that bad . Really bad . Just bad . Plain bad.

Tequila ? Oh it’s great . “It goes down like butter , but it kicks like a horse ”

I’m really not a drinker .
I felt more like the kid on perks of being a wallflower … When he gets high . Yeah .
Like for example this is how much I’m NOT a drinker

A couple weeks back
I go on this date … And man am I excited . Because this is going to be awesome . I have a plan . Which is against my nature . I should have known right then …. How this nite would go … I am not a man ” with a plan ” I am spontaneous , random , and Ill equipped for even the basic things … Such as cooking . I forget very easily .

But of course , I had to try .

Because there’s this lady ….. Yeah ..

My plan , my plan was … A bottle of wine and dinner. Maybe coffee and watching the sunset off of the mountain . Boom . Greatness,I know . Seems legit. Seems easy enough , one would think . One WOULD think .

Here’s how it went down .
The dinner was fine . Nice place in the side of the mountain … Really fantastic Mahi Mahi there by the way just great . it will make you cry . But that’s a different story .
First , the waiter comes out …..
holding ….in his hands ….. the most horrific …
Plastic …bucket ….of ice .
I was just staring at it thinking
” no please .. dont do this … that must be for cleaning a table … Be here for something else ” but it was too late .
Waiter was speaking and I was dying as he was explaining how my bottle of wine was too big for their ice buckets …

Now, I have honestly,never even drank wine with food . So I was thinking , how much does a person even drink with food? Do they drink MORE ?
I’m a caffeine person and water person. I drink a lot while eating … So do people drink this much with wine ?
It’s a logical question
For people like me
So being … Me .. I bought the large bottle .
That didn’t fit in the ice bucket .

Second . My wonderful date this lady who smells like spring and has hair made from sunshine . With that voice that makes me forget to breathe. makes me forget so many many suave things to say . Asks about a wine key .

The wine key
A simple 3 dollar tool … .. Used often across the region to open many great beverages . The wine key . Familiar to many many many people . Hundreds – thousands I’m sure . Even mr waiter was familiar with the wine key .

I had a Swiss Army knife as a child . The wine key is foreign to me .
You might as well hand me a scalpel . Which is what he did . He handed me the wine key .
I began considering empaling myself with my fork . Or excusing myself , and walking off the side of the mountain .
All of which – while removing me from the situation , would also take me from the room where The lady was sitting across from me … Waiting . And like Keats said the air outside a room like that is unhealthy . She was waiting ….
so I attempted to open this bottle of wine .. I thought I could tear the wrapper . Wrong . So I tried something else …
But then she stepped in and offered , saying it would be fine she knew how ….it was no big deal .
she opened the thing in like half a second . Literally . Half . A . Second . I could have died .
Everything else went great . We talked we laughed . The food was fine the wine was wine . And then it was time to leave …. The place was closing …. Which was stupid . Who needs to go home ? … Home? what is home ? I’m having a great time talking to this wonderful lady
With her fantastic laugh , and sexy voice . My life couldn’t be better .
Were I rich , I would have paid them to stay open . But alas … I’m not quite there – yet .

pretty much everything that could go wrong
Went wrong
I’m not even embarrassed
I drank too much
I wanted to kiss her
Rather than kissing her and being awesome
I told her I wanted to kiss her
Which is sure to kill any moment
( take note kids it will kill any moment )
And make “awkward”the phrase of the night .

Like I said I don’t work well when I have a plan or drink .
I suck at plans
I’m spontaneous !
Which is how I came about trading my car in . Getting my job . Going to Tennessee three years ago to stay in the mountains . drinking tequila last night . Bringing flowers to Birmingham last week .. Spur – of – the -moment . In fact that’s how I got a date anyway … I was driving … I looked at my phone …. I said “ok I’ve got this …. Why not ” boom .
That’s me . I avoid routine because …. So much of our lives are made up of routines … Why should these things be one .
God that must be what hell is like.
Dinner and a movie every Tuesday at 6.

So this morning …
I woke up and had the worst pot of coffee and then wrote this .
Have a great Monday .