Beagle in the City #249

Ethan: Ok boys, I need my taste testers!

Simon: I’m ready!

Garf: I call dibs! Din dins !

Lindz: not if I catch you for hugs!

Simon: Hey dad, dad, do you mind to tell mom, this is guys time. We have to test the food.

Garf: hey man, does warden, ahem, I mean, LADY, boss you around like she does me?

Ethan: hey look! Smothered chicken quesadillas!

Beagle in the City #244

Simon: Every day, dad comes home on lunches, and we go to the outside. It’s great. We play for days.

Ethan: You realize, it’s only one hour. And most people actually get to eat on their lunch.

Garfunkel: Well I’m just a starvin’ marvin, just a starvin’ marvin, I ain’t eat in three whole days!

Ethan: What are you singing? What is this?

Garfunkel: what if we all go and get sammiches.

Ethan: How about peanut butter and you guys go to the bathroom like you’re supposed to. I’m about to have to leave.

Simon: Whaaat what do you have left, a week, three days? Is it 57 minutes! No not the minutes! They are so sad!

Ethan: that’s it, I’m leaving. I’m never coming back. I’ll send you a postcard.

Garfunkel: Wait for me! Bum bum dum dum starvin’ marvin…

Beagle in the City #243

Simon: Look dad! I’m digging!

Simon: And you’re sure Moles aren’t scary?

Simon: You know one time, I knew a squirrel, he wasn’t a Mole though, have you ever seen a squirrel? You probably have.

Simon: Why are they under the ground? Is it dark under the ground? How do they see? Is it as dark as when I’m under the covers?

Simon: When do we take breaks? I could go for some snacks…

Simon: Just look at the size of this trench I dug!

Ethan: I don’t think you did as much as you think you did…

Simon: What do you mean? I’m exhausted…

Beagle in the City #242

Ethan: Ok are you ready to play Dog Golf?

Simon: I’m ready I’m ready!

Ethan: Who wants to play?

Simon: Me me me!!!

Garfunkel: I’ll just watch but thanks for thinking about me.

Ethan: Ok so I hit the ball and…

Simon: I attack the ball and bounce back and forth flying it home to dad!!

Ethan: Right!

(Moments later)

Ethan: I really am sorry.

Simon: Don’t talk to me…

Ethan: It was an ACCIDENT honest.

Garf: That was hilarious! Replay it!

Simon: Shut up!

Ethan: How could I do that on purpose! You’ve seen me play golf! I’m terrible at it!

Simon: I can’t feel my face…

Ethan: what can I do to say I’m sorry?

Garf: OH I KNOW! Call nice lady and tell her everything that happened! Here I’ve already called the number!

Garf: Hello? Hospital? Put the warden, uhh I mean, Simon’s Mom on!

Ethan: Sooo I took Simon out and was playing with him and Garf

And hitting golf balls

And accidentally hit him in the face and busted his gum. It was like right on the nose.

He had blood in his gums

And now our dog is afraid of balls…

Lindz: which one ?

Ethan: They are both our dogs. Are you saying you love one more than the other?

Lindz: No, but which one?

Ethan: Simon.

Garf: Hey man, Since you’re gonna be sleeping in my room for rest of forever, I’ve gotta tell you the tour. You’ve got a tv, a couch, a warming blanket, seriously, this thing never gets cold.

Ethan: it’s an electric blanket. And I’ll be fine.

Garf: I don’t know man, I mean, you broke your dog. Remember? He’ll probably never be the same.

Ethan: I get the fluffy pillow.

Beagle in the City #240

Ethan: Ok filthy fellas, Let’s go to the bathroom before bed.

Simon: ok but you have to go with us, because dog-nappers…

Ethan: how many times do I have to tell you, don’t watch true crime with mom while I’m gone.

L: He’s my protector.

Ethan: He’ll be the first to hide.

Garf: I don’t have to go to the bathroom. All my poop is gone.

Ethan: are you sure? You’re positive? It’s 20 degrees and we are not coming back out here.

Garf: I’m positive.

(Inside)

Garf: Ok time for Din Dins!

Ethan: Heck no! Food is gone, it’s time for bed.

Garf: But what about midnight snacks? Or second Din Din?

Ethan: I think you’ll manage for one night.

Garf: Hey, hey,

Ethan: What?

Garf: I have to go to the bathroom now.

Beagle in the City #239

Simon: Dear doggie journal, I have been stranded for three years…

Ethan: I’ve only been gone for a few hours…

Simon: It’s been a year of rain. And flood. There’s hardly any food, there have been stealings. Our kitchen is gone!

Ethan: Hey, I told you We’re remodelling it…

Simon: I am keeping cheeses and breads.

Garf: Wait, is that what was under the couch? Because you should go shopping…

Cooking and marriage

I don’t know if I should be disappointed or not in what I’m about to say,

But here goes one for the family …

if I knew I was going to die tomorrow ,

I don’t know that anything would change that drastically in my schedule…

That’s the big rewrite for us writers isn’t?

The white whale

How would we write about dying?

Maybe it’s because I used to spend so much time writing about it when I was younger

Maybe it was the depression

Maybe it was my youth

Or maybe it’s the fact that I have Crohn’s disease

And I’ve been hospitalized several times because of it…

But I like to think that now

I’m living in such a way

At such a place

That every day

I’m just happy to be here

I just want to throw a dinner party that Nora Ephron would be proud of…

I always return to her essays and books every other year.

I’m not for it, but I think it’s pretty safe to put people on pedestals once they’re dead.

She’s easily one of my very favorite people on earth and I never even met her.

I like coffee

I love my wife and my dogs

I like cooking

I like butter,

You can never have too much butter

Or olive oil

I like coffee in the morning

Hardwood floors

Cooking, did I already say that? Well, cooking is like really great sex.

I’ll cook for you before and after.

Reading a really great book

Broadway

Everyone should see broadway

It changes you

Or it should

Art is so important

It’s important that we do not sound like everyone else

That we don’t fall into an echo

I like a really great drink.

An old fashioned,

A brown derby

A Manhattan

I like Sunday’s

Sleeping in…

I know you’re not supposed to rely on movies for expectations of love

But I think I like this bar I go to, it helps me write,

But it’s also, because there’s this table that I sat at…

It was the first “date” if you will,

Me and my wife went on…

I always think about seeing her walk in

And I knew I wanted to watch her enter rooms for the rest of my life…

I know I can be hard edged

Sarcastic and a little bit cruel

But she’s like dark energy

She’s seductive without even trying

And she is sexy as hell in heels

she’s also every Sunday morning

Every breakfast in bed

The perfect hot coffee

And a walk in the park

She’s the Italian restaurant on the corner

She’s midnight in the rain

She’s sitting there beside me

When they have to put a tube down my throat

Because of a flare up

She’s there on the front

Smiling

When I get published

She’s got all the love

I can ever hold in these hands

I’ve seen people come and go

And she wants me

And I want her

Year after year

I know what I like

I know what I want

And I

Like her

I love her

I want her.