Afterglow

Imagine there are as many hearts, as there are stars,
Poems,as there are brokenness and pain
Loves as there are constellations-
Imagine us
Stumbling forward
Attempting to get it right
Even so …
The words
The love
The life
How do you keep the rain from-
The moon from its afterglow ?
The stars from falling from their appointed places ?
We never really know what’s coming for us…
Even so…
Even so…
-E
Regardingsamuel.com

The change

Hey my brother
I know we grew up fast
Hey my sister
I know we get caught in the grind
Sometimes we feel so alone

There’s a hole in my soul
Where the pain sets in
A corner of the room where the light can’t —-
——
Hey my writer
Where’s the ballad for the working mamas
——
Hey-
I know they don’t sell it to you
Like they used to
But you’re doing better than you think you are
It’s so easy to fall behind
You know when the water rises
You know when the pain sets in
All around your home
You know when the other shoe drops
—-
But to these little victories
The overtime
The paid off debt
The living on a budget
The getting ahead
The raising of kids
The leaving the past behind
The stacking up cash
——
These little victories
In big cities
Small towns
Loving and living underground
Staying out of trouble
——
You’re doing better than you think you are
They don’t make headlines for the sobriety
It’s always the casualty
The fast lanes
But you know
How to kiss the fire
Keep your clutches from burning
Run all the lights in this town
And keep on climbing
——
I know it gets heavy
I know we all grew old somehow
—-
But sunlight still meets you
You’re still winning
You’re still you
Even while you’re changing
Even while you’re building
These small little habits
These take up all our days
And these small little victories
They will outlive our days
And
You keep on winning
You keep on building
Don’t be afraid of the change
It’s only grace
It’s only grace
It’s only running this race

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

Beagle in the City #303

Francis: Happy Dad’s day! To tha thin man!
Simon: you’re a good dad.
Francis: You’re an OLD man!
Simon: Everyday you go to Job. It sounds rough.
Francis: But this week you went to the Doctor. I’m cheerius…Is it aliens? Are you gonna get the draft? Ack! You caught the ugly? Do you have to go to a carpenter? Lay it on us…don’t hold back…I can take it…who’s gonna feed me snax?
Ethan: curious, you’re curious…also…you really don’t know what a doctor is do you?
Simon: Is it your trachea? Is it collapsing? Like Garf’s ?? Dad can you breathe?
Ethan: Hold it! Everybody just hold it…As it turns out…I have to prove I am human and I will have to continue to go back to the doc to select traffic lights, bicycles and other oddities. I will also have to continue to write poetry very poorly. But they are gonna let that slide…for now.
Francis: I knews it. . .
Ethan: Now, who wants to help me eat these pizza rolls?
Francis: Is this a twix question?

Beagle in the City #302

Ethan: lets go run. You run while I ride my bike…
Francis: OUTSIDES?? Isn’t there danimals out there?
Ethan: here we go…
Simon: I think I saw a ground hog once, but I can’t find him now, they are such good hiders!
Francis: I’ll camp inside, I’ve got my shows…
(Later)
Ethan: LISTEN, I’m sorry I ran over you…
But you can’t just run in front of me like that…
Simon: Well I had to sniff a rock dad, it was a really cool rock too and I thought I have the right of way, can’t I cross anytime…
Ethan: What is this nonsense, where did you get this?
Simon: Francis…
Ethan: Let’s not listen to Francis…the cat that thinks camping is sleeping ten feet from the porch light…
Besides that…you didn’t even see the snake in the road
Francis: Vipers!

Radiation High radiation nights

There is a place I go (inside)

Feel all the hate

That you can hide

Sell all you can just for a headline

They will tell you

It’s not related

But look how fast you ate it

The algorithms won’t fit

Smash it apart just for –

Doubt all you can

Just for the –

Feel all the pain

heat

The knife just before you pass it

To get the ghost on the inside

Sometimes it passes just behind my eyes

Radiate

Just to kill what crawls

It’s there at the bottom

Pump the root

If you really want

To kill

what remains

the pictures in my head

constantly grow

There on the inside

All at once

You walk on water

All at once

For the sins of the fathers

Try to save what you can

Just a hole for my

Vices

—-

There’s a place I go inside

Carry it with me

Just so I can hide

——

Radiate

The flesh and bone

Pump what remains

Try save something you can build upon

But the ghost remains

Try to aspire but I’m not really –

And I’m running –

I’m fading-

Out of things I think I can say…..

Bleeding out

There

It’s all in red

——-

-E

Clay

I wondered what artist must have felt, from their studios, during war times…if they felt any significance, to continue to carve at clay, to continue to shape, to continue to paint…

Hearts, beating in my head, like drums, you face it, you always must face it, carving your way through it, with ink and pain, bleeding out on this page…

You walk through grief…

There is no other way…

Even when it feels insignificant

Meaningless

——

Maybe this is how we love

Even when it feels meaningless

Even when we feel nothing

Maybe

This is how we live

How

The work must feel

Does it know it is art?

Does it breathe ?

Does it carry us with it?

Is it just clay

Ink

Paint

In a room –

Empty of us –

Empty ?

Or is it aware

Of the darkness in the earth

The grief

The pain

Our hearts slain

Bleeding out

Our voices

Silently screaming

This is the way

This is the way

Is a studio

Hearts beating

Against the night

Against the night

This is the way

-E

On our way

1

You think the Apex of all pain is losing a parent…

You tell yourself, ok, this is it…nothing could hurt more than this – (losing a parent or a divorce etc)

And then you lose a brother…

And there’s such fresh pain

Pain you can’t even understand

It’s just there…

In such a way

That it feels so unfair

it levels the field

You feel

Cheated from something

You don’t even understand

——

2

There’s no order

To this madness

You think

Ok, there’s parents you’ll lose

You prepare for that

But losing a sibling

Is so different

Whether you’re close or not

You really understand the brevity of everything

It wakes you up

From the grind

From the hustle

And you look around you

And you see

How quickly and randomly

All of this can go away

——

3

This funeral home

Where our father was

Where all of us end up

Through our history

Whatever we may do

We end up here

How strange that

We won’t be living

This ache

This invisible target

We really don’t know

—-

4

How complex

How layered

We take things so personally

I remember losing our father and I thought it was all so personal

And it was

In its way

But there is always hurt

Beyond what you see

There is always layers

There are years

Entire decades

Of complexities and issues

That we know nothing about

It’s all so blurred

The lines

We think it starts and ends with us

A moment in time

But it’s layered

Traits, ethics, work, talents, looks, pain, old pain, new pain, life …

I lit a cigarette and I smoked it

I probably shouldn’t have

But I wanted cheesecake

And didn’t have it

And I felt that I was overthinking

——

-E

Regardingsamuel.com

High

We say we want and deserve
High value partners
Premier standards…
But do we even deserve that?
What assets do we bring to the table? Really?
Look at who we surround ourselves with?

It’s easy to be with partners with no vision and no goals and no standards…

You know what to expect
And there’s no standards
You’ll never let them down
And you look pretty great in their environment

But a high value partner
Has standards
Suddenly
Having your shit together
Showing up on time
Doing the bare minimum ?

Is it not called the bare minimum for a reason ?
Really…
You have your own place ?
You listen and support?
You show up on time?
You can cook?
You can dress yourself?
You have a job?
Your car doesn’t impress them?
X Y Z etc

You’re supposed to have those things together
It’s just being an adult …

What else do we bring to the table
Why should they be with us?
What do they really gain

The bare minimum requires zero talent

How am I getting better every day
How am I growing
What am I doing
Really
What are my assets

Becaus whatever I’m doing
Is direction
That’s the path I’m walking
Not what I’m thinking while I’m walking it
Not what I’m saying
But what I’m doing

It’s terrifying

High value requires greatness from us
It pushes you
It does not let you sit still
It does not allow you to just be good enough
It requires the best from you
Every day
Consistency
Not convenience
Not your bad habits
Not your moods
Not your selfishness

It’s easy to let high value down
It’s easy to mess up
And realize you may not be
Everything you think you are

Do we really want what we think we want?
Really?
Or do we want to stay comfortable
In a environment that asks nothing from us
But to just show up – maybe – IF we feel like it…

Go ahead
You can shoot your shot
And get the date

But are you ready to be consistent
Do you really want what you think you want …

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

Work

We romanticized the work
—-
Relationships and love
It’s such a shame
The game
Saying
fooled again
But who’s to blame
When the weapon’s
Hid in both our hands
All is fair in love and war…
——
Love
Passion
And desire
Broken heart over fire
——
Wasted on the young
Broken hearts and casual casualties
——
Someone new this way comes
Out of touch
Out of time
Better hold yours and mine
——
The work is work
And it hurts
To hurt
to die
Time after time
Ache in the decades
Try to understand
Try to understand
We don’t know what we become
Where we will be
You
Me
It’s gonna be
Work
It’s gonna be work
It’s gonna be a long time
To get what you really want
What you really need
—-
There’s no quick wit
Remedy
Yoga trick
Fast tongue and cheek fantasy
——
It’s a short hour from here to eternity
But it’s a long walk
Covering eachother from the weather
If you get what I really mean

-Regardingsamuel.com