Caves

Photo by Ethan Bethune

Maybe our Hearts
are like caves
With burdens of their own
Unique
Beneath the earths crust
And tho
Sometimes they give in
Like Samson pushing the pillars down
they still hold, where it matters most…
And
Our hearts like caves
Still have rooms
To discover
Still have new ways
Waiting to be mapped
You are still you
You are still new
You are still undiscovered
Even after all this time
-E
Regardingsamuel.com

Ache in the Art

There’s a deep ache in the art…
There’s a place you can go
Where nobody knows
How the love you held
Could
So easily be
ashed from a cigarette …
we move from mountains to valleys
So easily used to the news
Are we surviving ?
Or are we just numb from trying …
There’s a dream I keep remembering
Where we follow the shadows down,
we keep creating
Lines across paper
Making our own way …
The sun keeps on setting…
Blood in the water
Says I don’t have much time…
I still have the scars
From all of those nights…
There’s just enough room
To build a new line
word after word …
Chasing some kind of Immortality
a shade of sky
There’s some kind of pain
Some kind of rain …
I’m not looking for anything
But my own peace of mind …
My own solitude
I think I remember
But I soon forget
Wherever we’re going
We have to leave behind …

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

@adamchasefields 📷

Get gone

Come on back
To the outside of town
Where the dust and the earth and the moon get down …
Get gone now, past the interstate
The city lights
The on ramp
The mile marker
My hometown
My big mistake
God only knows
We’ve been working hard
Forever now…
Sinful as they come
Can I lay down with you,
I don’t have time
To carry all this hate
Got to lay it down
Got to lay it down
Got to get gone now
Got to get away …
——
We’ve got to lay it down
We’ve got to drive it out
Past the interstate
Further on out
Where the dust and the earth and the moon get down…

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

Broken glass

You called me and asked if I believed
In PTSD for frontline workers
And I said absolutely
And you said you just couldn’t do it anymore
And someone quit just to sell things on eBay
Little firefly white flags of surrender to the universe…
I don’t have the answers
But I can say
That I wish it wasn’t this way…
wasn’t it just a few months ago
We had spent a few years not talking to our families and breaking up because of politics ?
Now we have quarter of a million dollar retail days
And we are all so numb and so so young
And how do we raise our children
How do we be good partners ?
How do we stand on our two feet and face each other after this …
During this …
How can we love each other
Hold each other
Stand
If I’ve learned anything
From life
It’s stand
And trust your voice
Is it safe ?
To write ?
Never…
There’s a price in staying the same
And there’s a price in creating
In writing
In building
But stand…
Quietly
Calmly
And build
Do what you can where you can
While you can
And forgive
Everyone has a story
Everyone is a novel
And we are just
Sentences
Not even chapters
So forgive
And accept that people are not going to change…
And you can’t change them…
But you direct your life …
Someone told me they quit drinking
“It’s so easy” they said …”to get carried away…”
Me too…
We stared into the parking lot …
“Recreational…”
that’s what we say
About substances
But it’s so easy to become a habit and a lifestyle…
Don’t let that happen…
Your anxiety and your sleeplessness
Will be so much easier
Sober…
Trust yourself …
Liberty
Real liberty
Real freedom
Is building your own life
And it’s also
Saying
Yes,
I get it
Me too
I’m afraid
I’m numb
I’m struggling
I don’t know exactly what I’m doing
But I’m building
I’m not staying here
There’s not another year here
I have a responsibility
I can’t stay here …
We are all numb
And we are all on fumes
But we are building
We are mourning
And grieving
Change and loss hurt
But we are
Here
Right now
All we have is time
You called me…
And someone quit just to sell things on eBay
Little firefly white flags of surrender to the universe…
And
I thought about how much we’ve grown
How much we’ve changed
How much further we have to go…
-E

Francis Cash #29

Ethan: How are you feeling today boys? You want to do stuff today or just be lazy?
Francis: I’m feeling kind of snackish…maybe the porch.
Ethan: The other day I asked you and you didn’t want to do ANYTHING.
Francis: Well you always want to go cave diving or bike jumping or book stores! Climb mountainy mountains!
Ethan: I asked if you wanted to go to the park…
Francis: Oh…wheely? Wows…I don’t ‘member that…

Crucible

CRUCIBLE
——-
To have a heart
That beats
That makes us heavy
That makes us human
I saw a nurse
Her eyes were glazed
Her face numb
“Is it really this bad?”
I asked
“It’s worse…”
She stared ahead as if she was a soldier there again, in battle…
“It was one thing when we were traveling and dealing with it in New York or somewhere else…but now it’s here…everyday. That worst fear…it’s happening.”

Her shoulders and body ached and stiff
From daily, over a year, constantly trying to go against this storm that now covered our maps like red during election time…

It’s easy
To get caught up in a movement and lose your head.
I don’t have to tell you how bad it is
We all have lost
Someone
By now
We all have lost
And are losing
Parts of ourselves
jaded
tired
burned out
numb
Living through science as it is worked out
So much like man works out salvation
Two steps forward
One step back
In the trenches
And we are losing time
Time that we will not get back…
Working through this
You see a shift
In how people want to work
Are willing to work
While my friends
My friends with PHDs and medical degrees
Are tired
And numb ….

“It’s too late…”
Almost ripped out of a Montgomery Alabama sermon on a Sunday
“It’s too late…”
We work out this struggle with time
With history with ourselves
While living in it
And my heart aches
For mother’s and fathers
For husbands and workers
For small businesses
For our communities
For our children
For the nurse
Who is the only thing between us and god…
For the artist who doesn’t know if it’s even worth it anymore …

If you can keep your head
And stand still
And use the truth that is in you
While all that is around you falls
Create
Create
Build
This is when we build
In the trenches
In the rain
In the storm
While all around us falls
And you are tired
And disillusioned
When your faith is at its crucible
This is when you stand
You observe
You face life
Its pain and its loss
Its joy and its mornings
And you build

To create a space
For all that we’ve loved and lost
To hold in memory
To not get caught in a quick moment
Some new movement
Politics
And agendas
To understand
And know
There is no quick fix in life for anything
There is only consistency
And for this
We stand every morning
Against that storm
And we begin again
Though we are torn
And worn
And stretched
Our eyes look forward
Our heart
That beats
That makes us heavy
That makes us human ….

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

A poem for a Virgo Sun, Gemini Moon.

A poem for a Virgo Sun, Gemini Moon.
———-
You do not have to hold up the whole world entire,
Go make your bed,
Clean your flat,
Do your laundry,
Start here…
——
What does Love need to survive the day?
What does hearts like ours need to survive the day?
You do not need to hold up the world entire…
Start here…
Start here…
Start here…
To survive the day…

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

A poem for the lonely

A poem for the lonely
———
I changed my profile picture today
A world filled with avatars and the illusion of conversations,
Likes and debates,
But no understanding
No empathy
Void of emotions
never face to face…
I am still lonely….
Somewhere a marriage is a ghost ship,
Somewhere life got away from a student and now they are a graduate…
I hear the stomping feet of children on the stairs but never see them…
Somewhere …
There is a heaven somewhere …
According to a 700 year old poem ….
that dreaded letter I learned to avoid in English class…P….poem…
Out there we are on our knees before our lovers and gods
asking how to be kinder
How to love softer
How to not be so afraid ….

How can I be kinder
How can I love you softer
I can I help you not be afraid…

-E
Regardingsamuel.com

Ambulances

The world is hurricane
And brass
This burning library

This emergency room
This funeral parlor
With death angels
And poets and priest


This moment ….waiting for the next moment to take the torch and finish the race…

It has been the poets
Who meet you –
With the morning
With your coffee and tea…
While the news barrages you
Social media harasses you
Your cousins don’t understand you…
Wall Street
And the business falls around the accident in the street,
You tuck words in your pockets
You read them and you feel that you have a new friend
reminded,
With the ambulance lights around the accident, Where life became too heavy and too real…
These poets…
Always present,
in the corner of every emergency room
Every grocery store,
Handing out prescriptions and recipes for whatever season of life you’re in…
——
It has been the poets
Who meet you in the morning…
Words in an abstract line…
Mined from this thing called life…
But always with you…
With empathy and understanding…

“This is one moment, / But know that another / Shall pierce you with a sudden painful joy.”
T.S. Eliot

-E
Regardingsamuel.com